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A Letter to the Man My Wife Loves

Updated on March 13, 2014
jpcmc profile image

I'm a dad, husband, and Christian first. The rest are just life's add-ons: an educator, administrator, learner, & development professional.

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My wife Grace
My wife Grace
My wife Grace | Source

To the man my wife loves,

First of all, I have to stress that Grace is my wife and I love her. But I know she longs for you. I know that she misses you. More importantly I know she truly loves you. I know all these even if she does not say anything. Behind her smile and laughter, I know she deserves more than what I give her. This is the hard truth I have to live with every day.

Where are you now? Will you be back in her life? Because I know it will turn her life around. We have a daughter now and she needs you more than ever. She is happy. But I am willing to move aside so that you can come back and bring joy to their lives. I know you are the man she loves.

You met my wife almost 2 decades decade ago and you made her light up like no one has ever done before. You gave your time to her and always put her before anything else. You had fun together. You were spontaneous and full of life. With you everything seemed so light – even those times when some people would give up. You listened and paid attention down to the smallest detail. You sang songs to her and wrote her poems. You gave her surprises that cheered her up when she’s feeling down. You gave her trinkets for no other reason than the love you have for her. I know the little notes that you tucked in her bag was greatly appreciated. You made her feel special and loved. You are the man she loves.

Where are you now? What happened to you?

The simple answer is you have turned into me - to your own detriment. Work got in the way. Life’s challenges took its toll. I’m focusing on finances and so many other explanations. I can line up countless of reasons for turning into me. However, all are empty excuses. Times have changed and priorities have evolved. But family comes first – that is timeless and that goes above everything else. I need to become you again. And become the man she loved almost 2 decades ago (and become even better).

There are no promises; there are no guarantees – only the commitment of a husband who wants her wife to be happier and a father who wants only the best for his daughter.

With much respect,



Don’t forget to give the dog a bath and take out the trash. While you’re at it, remove the leaves on the roof.

What do you like doing as a couple?

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Our trip to boracay
Our trip to boracay | Source
Our trip to boracay
Our trip to boracay | Source

What women want

What do women want? The simple answer to this is I have no clue. Every woman is unique. Just think about the women in your life - your mother, grandmother, your girlfriend, your office mates, your boss. They have different needs and wants. It's hard to provide an encompassing statement. However, I've learned several things about women through the years:

  • Women deserve our respect
  • Give them ample attention - actively listen
  • They are our equals - but it's nice to put them on a pedestal
  • Say you're sorry - it will not diminish your manliness
  • Be sensitive to their needs and wants - that includes giving up poker night with your buddies for the woman in your life

I think what you should consider now is what are you willing to do for the woman in your life?

From courtship to married life

Have you seen the difference between your courtship days and the married life? Well, things change and it can affect your relationships. Many partnerships find themselves in a rocky place because they fail to understand, that courtship does not end with the "I do". It's just a transition from being two separate beings to just being one. Well, that's how I see it. So no, courtship should never end.

It's easy to get consumed with so many aspect of one's life and forget the most important - your vows as a couple. When you lose focus on this, you will slowly find yourself drifting apart. When you do, it's not too late to stir it back into the right direction.

Consider these questions and see where your relationship is now:

  • Are you spending more time at work than at home?
  • Are you seeing less of your wife than before?
  • Do you spend more time with friends than with your wife?
  • Do you still have time to talk with your wife?
  • When was the last time you went out with your wife?
  • How would you rate your intimacy with your wife?

Nurture the relationship

It does not matter whether you've been together for a month or 50 years, you have to nurture your relationship. Every person will undergo changes. As each person change, the couple needs to make tweaks here and there. Don't wait for the flame to die down, keep it burning and keep it alive.

it is your responsibility to nurture your relationship and let it grow.


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    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 3 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hello manatita44 ,

      Relationships are never perfect. We just offer what we can to make it stronger. I can't be happier with my relationship with my wife. I appreciate your comment.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 3 years ago from london

      The second half of your Hub reads infinitely happier than the first. In the first, you seem to be acknowledging a problem and in the second, it appears fixed. Is it? Much love to you and family.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 3 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Thank you Uswain. I have a lovely relationship with my wife.

    • profile image

      Uswain 3 years ago

      This is lovely.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hello csmiravite-blogs,

      I saw the changes in me through the years. we all have changes as we grow older.

    • csmiravite-blogs profile image

      Consolacion Miravite 4 years ago from Philippines

      How poignant, coming from the hubby. It is usually the wifey who is angst ridden. Nice take on relationships.

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 4 years ago from England

      That was amazing, I really thought you were going to say her father or someone else. I totally understand what you mean. the person I am now is not the one I was ten or 20 years ago, its easy to change, but harder to change back. but I am sure you will do it. the photos are lovely!

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hi KenDeanAgudo,

      We are but there's always room for improvements. Little tweaks will make it really better. The wedding pix remind me of that special day when we became truly one. The beach pix were taken during the time when she was already pregnant with our daughter. We had no idea she was carrying our child when we went on a vacation.

      Yes, my friend, I love her.

    • jpcmc profile image

      JP Carlos 4 years ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines

      Hello grand old lady,

      I believe that I need to make more effort to make my wife happier. She works hard and it does not end when she gets home. She has to attend to our child and I have to pitch in. Small things make a huge difference - both good and bad.

    • KenDeanAgudo profile image

      Kenneth C Agudo 4 years ago from Tiwi, Philippines

      Wow very nice, looks like you too are doing great i your exclusive relationship as a married couple. I love the picture and doing this is just a sign that you really love her.

    • grand old lady profile image

      Mona Sabalones Gonzalez 4 years ago from Philippines

      It's nice to hear from a man who acknowledges that he's changed, who is aware of what his wife needs and what he needs to do to become the man she loves again. This is sweet!