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- Happy Marriages
A Letter to the Man My Wife Loves
To the man my wife loves,
First of all, I have to stress that Grace is my wife and I love her. But I know she longs for you. I know that she misses you. More importantly I know she truly loves you. I know all these even if she does not say anything. Behind her smile and laughter, I know she deserves more than what I give her. This is the hard truth I have to live with every day.
Where are you now? Will you be back in her life? Because I know it will turn her life around. We have a daughter now and she needs you more than ever. She is happy. But I am willing to move aside so that you can come back and bring joy to their lives. I know you are the man she loves.
You met my wife almost 2 decades decade ago and you made her light up like no one has ever done before. You gave your time to her and always put her before anything else. You had fun together. You were spontaneous and full of life. With you everything seemed so light – even those times when some people would give up. You listened and paid attention down to the smallest detail. You sang songs to her and wrote her poems. You gave her surprises that cheered her up when she’s feeling down. You gave her trinkets for no other reason than the love you have for her. I know the little notes that you tucked in her bag was greatly appreciated. You made her feel special and loved. You are the man she loves.
Where are you now? What happened to you?
The simple answer is you have turned into me - to your own detriment. Work got in the way. Life’s challenges took its toll. I’m focusing on finances and so many other explanations. I can line up countless of reasons for turning into me. However, all are empty excuses. Times have changed and priorities have evolved. But family comes first – that is timeless and that goes above everything else. I need to become you again. And become the man she loved almost 2 decades ago (and become even better).
There are no promises; there are no guarantees – only the commitment of a husband who wants her wife to be happier and a father who wants only the best for his daughter.
With much respect,
Don’t forget to give the dog a bath and take out the trash. While you’re at it, remove the leaves on the roof.
What do you like doing as a couple?
What women want
What do women want? The simple answer to this is I have no clue. Every woman is unique. Just think about the women in your life - your mother, grandmother, your girlfriend, your office mates, your boss. They have different needs and wants. It's hard to provide an encompassing statement. However, I've learned several things about women through the years:
- Women deserve our respect
- Give them ample attention - actively listen
- They are our equals - but it's nice to put them on a pedestal
- Say you're sorry - it will not diminish your manliness
- Be sensitive to their needs and wants - that includes giving up poker night with your buddies for the woman in your life
I think what you should consider now is what are you willing to do for the woman in your life?
From courtship to married life
Have you seen the difference between your courtship days and the married life? Well, things change and it can affect your relationships. Many partnerships find themselves in a rocky place because they fail to understand, that courtship does not end with the "I do". It's just a transition from being two separate beings to just being one. Well, that's how I see it. So no, courtship should never end.
It's easy to get consumed with so many aspect of one's life and forget the most important - your vows as a couple. When you lose focus on this, you will slowly find yourself drifting apart. When you do, it's not too late to stir it back into the right direction.
Consider these questions and see where your relationship is now:
- Are you spending more time at work than at home?
- Are you seeing less of your wife than before?
- Do you spend more time with friends than with your wife?
- Do you still have time to talk with your wife?
- When was the last time you went out with your wife?
- How would you rate your intimacy with your wife?
Nurture the relationship
It does not matter whether you've been together for a month or 50 years, you have to nurture your relationship. Every person will undergo changes. As each person change, the couple needs to make tweaks here and there. Don't wait for the flame to die down, keep it burning and keep it alive.
it is your responsibility to nurture your relationship and let it grow.