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A List of Valentine's Day Gifts from Hades (for Men Only)

Updated on February 12, 2014

Your companion will look like this. Instantly

Angry. If you give her one of my gift ideas
Angry. If you give her one of my gift ideas | Source

Other emotions expressed by girls who hate men who give ignorant gifts

She's so disappointed that she has to be consoled by her sister that she hates
She's so disappointed that she has to be consoled by her sister that she hates | Source
Completely devastated
Completely devastated | Source
Crushed with depression
Crushed with depression | Source
She completely ignores you
She completely ignores you | Source
She screams at you so loudly your eardrums play "In A Gadda Da Vida"
She screams at you so loudly your eardrums play "In A Gadda Da Vida" | Source
She says, "you expect me to accept this?"
She says, "you expect me to accept this?" | Source
You dress like a hobo on a date with her in an elite restaurant
You dress like a hobo on a date with her in an elite restaurant | Source
You try to create a stand-up comedy character to entertain her parents
You try to create a stand-up comedy character to entertain her parents | Source

We live

in a fickle society. I have known this for years. We either love someone for hate them for some childish reason or reasons that make no sense to a logical person.

We are so finicky that sometimes I think that we all evolved from cats. I am not joking either.

Not just girls are finicky and flighty, some men are this way too, but only if they have come into a ton of money, so they can afford these cold-hearted traits.

No other time of the year, (please forgive me, all of my women followers, I am not talking about you), are "some" women finicky and ultra-choosy, than at Valentines Day. Am I right or wrong, guys who have been jilted simply because you gave the wrong gift to your now-ex girlfriend or wife?

I have suffered, I mean experienced this first-hand--gifting a pretty girl and get my heart broken in front of our friends just because the diamond necklace I gave her wasn't what she was in the mood for.

Mood for? When a guy gives you a diamond necklace that is worth more than your car, girls, take it. Lie to the guy and say you like the genuine diamond necklace. Make this poor sap feel good if only for half an hour.

Now what I want to do for all of the men

who have gave an "ex" girlfriend or wife, the wrong gift, I proudly present, while laying down what is left of my pride and swallowing my self-respect, a list . . .

"Of Gifts For Valentine's Day Straight from Hades (for Men Only)"

  1. Fancy women's shoes that you think she will love. Turns out they are way too big for her and she gets embarrassed when you make her wear them to her family reunion.
  2. Singing her some off-key romantic songs that you wrote. First, guys, take singing lessons and second, write about things girls like . . .baby ducks, walks in the park, stars in the sky, dreams, and puppies. Then you might make her happy.
  3. You buy her a chimp from your local pet store because he is so cute, but when he is in public he loves to bite. And your girlfriend is taken to the hospital on Valentine's Day for her tetanus shots. You have seen the last of her, so get your money back on the chimp.
  4. An electric alarm clock that wakes her up with YOUR VOICE saying, "wake up, dreamy girl and give your whole day a truckload of whirl!"
  5. A box of homemade candy that your alcoholic uncle "Tedd," made for you before he went into treatment. Oh, food poisoning can be cured. Not the loneliness that comes from making an ex-sweetheart nearly pass away.
  6. A gold bracelet you found in the sidewalk. At first she is all smiles, but upon further inspection, she reads the inscription, "to Hot Hannah, with All of My Love!" Her name happens to be Susan.
  7. A meal at the most-expensive restaurant in town. You make her believe. But it's only a remodeled Mexican restaurant where you best pal, "Ronaldo," the area gigolo works. He said the burritos were fine, but explain the grubworms to an angry woman.
  8. You dress up like a hobo (SEE PHOTO TO RIGHT) to entertain her, but she doesn't appreciate being seen with a man eaten-up with poverty. Besides the other patrons are laughing (at) her so much, she leaves you and never calls you again.
  9. A quite, out of the way, walk-in theater where her favorite film is playing. Yeah, you think. She will love it. But somehow the night manager lost the movie she loves and you and her sit almost through a XXX super-porno movie that features "Blaze Barrister," Queen of the Pole Dancers," and her twin sisters plus "Billy G.," the Wonder Pig." Do you really blame her for leaving you? Your girlfriend, not "Blaze."
  10. A nice, full-length mink coat. Well, at first she liked it. But left abruptly when a live gopher jumped out of the right-hand pocket.

Pal, you can't win can you?

Maybe you can win at Christmas. I hear they are doing some amazing things in science with talking chickens.

Men, take it from me

She will be shocked at your stupidity, if you don't give her a great gift.
She will be shocked at your stupidity, if you don't give her a great gift. | Source

Comments

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    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      4 years ago from Queensland Australia

      Yep funny Kenneth, I think I'll pass on giving any of those gifts.

    • amiebutchko profile image

      Amie Butchko 

      4 years ago from Warwick, NY

      VERY funny, hub. Good job!

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