A Little Truth Saves A Lot of Trouble
I'm sure many of us have been hopelessly infatuated with someone to the point where we write secret poems about them that they probably never read. But nonetheless we somewhere deep down hope that they might somehow come to understand that said poems are about them and come running confessing their want to be with us, despite the fact that no indication was given that said poem was in fact about them. Maybe that was just me. (By the way, he never read them and never came running.) I did however straight up ask him out and he ever-so-kindly rejected my invitation, which brings me to the point of this article, how to reject someone. Shall we?
Of course there are many ways of rejecting people none that guarantee the sparing of feelings on behalf of the "rejectee" if you will. I think the key to in fact telling someone one you don't want to be with them is to not be afraid of the truth and know that in the end it would be better for them as they can now begin the moving on process and begin to prepare for the possible next rejection. Of course, experience makes these issues simpler, i.e. the rejecting will become as simple as saying "no" and being rejected, well that never really gets easy. It may just be easier to accept that you'll be hopelessly alone for the rest of your life. Now, once you've found that inner courage to reject the advances of another, we can explain the methods in which to do this.
Which Approach Do You Prefer?
The "I'm flattered, but..." Approach
I feel that this is the easiest way to go about it, it promises little tears especially when coupled with a few compliments. Here's a few examples I've received and have used.
To me: "I am super flattered" (not just flattered but SUPER flattered, sort of a compliment) "by your compliments because you're a sweet guy."
It's not hard to see that this followed with essentially a "no I don't want to date." But the point is, it's not harsh and keeps things casual between the two people. This was also do in part to how I actually came on to him. I'll discuss in a different article how to ask out friends without making things awkward. Yes, he was a friend and yes we're still friends to day after all of this.
From me: "I am truly flattered." (Learned from that last one positive adjectives in front of "flattered" tend to help sometimes.) "But, I'm not interested. I would still like to hang out because I think you're a cool guy."
Again, compliments help. Really they do. They build self-esteem and stuff. Not to mention you let them know, you don't plan on ignoring them after this and still want to be friends just not more than that.
From me:"I'm flattered. But, I am no longer on the market."
Now this one was not necessarily because I wasn't interested in dating the guy. I was taken, which generally has a lot of weighing on the decision. And as the title suggest, that little truth certainly saved a lot of trouble. He was a bit disappointed; but that's a side effect of finding out I actually won't be your "future."
The "Rejecting them by not really rejecting them by implying friendship" Approach
This one is not say, the best approach to these matters. It does keep things casual, but is more likely to go over the candidate for rejection's head than it is to actually get through to them that you'd rather be friends. What this looks like:
Rejectee: "Want to go out some time?"
Rejector: "Sure it would be great to gather some friends and see a movie."
Rejector: "Sure, we should gather the cast and have dinner."
It's almost like the question went right over their head. You'd think that they'd never been asked out before; or maybe they're just that naive to what you're trying to get at. Truth is, they just didn't want to flat out tell you "no." They implied that they'd rather be with you and a group of other peers than be alone with you.
The "Flat out 'no'" Approach
This approach is possibly the simplest. It get's straight to the point and saves a lot of time.
Rejectee: "Want to go out?"
Rejector: "Sorry, but no."
There are a thousand and one ways to put it, none better than the others.
The "Silent" Approach
If there is any method I hate the most when dealing with these matters, it's the silent approach. To be honest, it's cowardly. Plus it defeats the whole purpose of the rejection by not providing the candidate with a sound decision on whether or not you'd like to go out/hang out/date/etc... Eventually after a while they finally accept that you probably don't. But you could have said that in the beginning and saved them a whole hell of a lot of time, time they could have been using to be rejected by other people. In the end, don't do this.
Note: This method only applies to messaging of any kind e.g. Facebook, texting, twitter for some reason, etc...
Now I'm sure there are many more approaches to doing this, but these are a few I've come across in my recent experiences. In the end, however you decide to go about doing it (I repeat: DO NOT GO WITH THE SILENT TREATMENT!! It's just child's play.), just be strong and do it. In the end it will be better for the both of you. There's really no reason to wait, you know how you feel about someone, now tell them.