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A Man No Longer Spread Eagle

Updated on April 10, 2017

On the Distant Shore, A man from Ok Cupid Wanted More

I seldomly wonder but now I am curious, is romance dead? Earlier, I conversed with my cousin about an experience that left me rather baffled. It started with a man spread eagle on the hood of his car in a Sonic parking lot. You may be thinking " Why did you not drive away pulling up to a man spread eagle on the hood of his car." I've shamefully asked that question myself. If only I acted like the animal I had become. In the distance a burnout could have awaited. I however, would not have this story to tell. I tend to be drawn to rather abnormal souls and so far I had a spread eagled man on the hood of his own car who drove over two hours to see me. Was ok cupid to blame or my brain for wanting to know the beautiful unknowable?

It started with, let's just call this man " faces " driving us to a local coffee shop. It was a beautiful day, mid summer and close to the river. We conversed back and fourth and I was not completely full of shivering doubt, yet. I remember he judged the espresso. Rule of thumb number one, don't disobey my judgment on the first date unless you don't want there to be a second. However, I will tell you now there was a second encounter. I was drawn to his imbalance until I realized he was the kind of person to hurt you until he feels good. I remember faces being very forward and lacking boundaries. I was 23 at the time and he was 29 going on serial killer. We sat outside of the coffee shop talking and although he didn't make me laugh once, his unsound mind begged me to listen. He seemed lonely and not able to cope with it. I would later find out he thought his energy could not be destroyed.

We were heading back to my house and made a pit stop at the gas station. He went inside and I looked around his car. He was rather immaculate. The only visible artifacts I saw were multiple visa gift cards. I found it strange that on the ride home he asked me for a cigarette after leaving a gas station. I am a generous person but I am able to speculate. He must have picked up on my energy because a discussion arose. He said, " I don't carry anything that has my name on it." Rather confused, I asked what he meant. He informed me that he did not have any visible bank cards with his name or an identification card. He ranted about the government and I realized this man may be a demon. Also, this man didn't even own a phone! He must have really believed in fate to drive two hours to meet a woman off ok Cupid. I remember him telling me to meet him exactly at a specific time. I also found his lifestyle peculiar for a man who owned a business. I later would find out he didn't actually own a business though. My genuine concerns for this mortal would grow deeper.

I introduced this damaged person to my friends and although they found him odd, they thought it was cool he could hang around everyone and be so open and vocal. We hung out for a while until I decided we would go back to my place. Walking up the stairs I felt nervous. I have struggled with anxiety for years, not to mention dating can be a bit scary. My neighbors had just moved out across the hall and I was always interested in what their side of this Victorian style house looked like. I walked inside not realizing you would feel connected to me. i dont think I even got a full sentence out before I felt degraded. I've never seen someone act like such a phene. He pushed me up against the wall and started sticking his tongue down my throat. I stopped him and felt like I needed to take a shower. We came back into my apartment across the hall but that didn't stop him. This person kept trying and wanted to become one with me. I had to tell him to take it easy and he just kept saying how attracted to me he was. We talked but he didn't speak to me. He spoke over me.

We went out on my back porch and talked and breathed in the fresh air. I can't recall exactly what we spoke about but I remember a few conversations with faces. These conversations happened upon our encounters. We talked about 1984 and George Orwell. He was also into literature and seemed to be good with details. He had this charm when he was showing me his intelligence. i saw some real, raw passion in the words he spoke. He had moments of being an outwardly creature. He talked about interesting topics but this was not enough. He only became more interesting in a distressed kind of way. Another conversation we exchanged was me finding out he got his teeth completely kicked out moshing at a hardcore show. He had teeth! I mean, he had teeth until he took out what looked like a retainer with teeth glued to it. Mortified, I kept my cool. Faces also informed me when he was younger he used to steal woman's jeans from Abercrombie and Hollister and sell them for money. If I wasn't scared of my choices in men yet, I would be soon. If you're wondering what faces looked like, I will finally tell you. He was 6'2, had dominant strong features, a fierce jawline, a really good nose, flowing tousled thick hair that looked even better in a man bun and an amazing build. He informed me he was european. It made sense but I'd soon find out things I never thought would happen to me were possible.

We later went inside and watched Buffalo 66. I've always been completely drawn to Vincent Gallo and in those moments I realized these two Aries men shared the same birthday. Though I relate to spiritual agnosticism i understood how he was an Aries. "Most" Aries I have met are very dominant beings. They go after someone fiercefully without knowing them. If they are intrigued upon an initial introduction they don't mind trying to connect sooner than later. I am different. I like to unravel in segments. I tend to analyze and study who I'm captivated with until Im not. Maybe, the universe has other plans for me and my solidarity. After the movie we crawled out on my front roof. I lived in a beautiful Victorian full of mysteries. It was dark. There was moonlight and we sat next to my garden on the roof. He spoke, I listened.

He drove home and two hours later we chatted online. What more could come out of this? I wondered. Online we could talk about anything. He was interesting, again, until he wasn't. We spoke about how we yearned to make music. I had a guitar, an amp and had started recording and updating to my soundcloud about a year prior. I shared apart of myself with him. He shared apart of himself with me. It felt intimate until I listened. What I listened to sounded like a bunch of premade loops and melodies off GarageBand. Multiple long songs with no words. What the fuck crossed my mind while realizing this man was made of shadows.

He begged to see me again. I felt anxious! My friends told me to invite him because we were throwing a party and rather than being an escapist I did. Maybe I needed to see more and I would. He showed up with a guitar and bass for me. He said he wanted to give me something I could create with. It was a nice gesture but didnt feel right. We went down to the party and once again he was very vocal. Honestly, he spoke so much it was uncomfortable. I later determined faces was most likely a sex addict and sociopath. Later, we went back to my apartment and once again he tried to immediately control the situation. I took him outside and up the next floor of stairs. This Victorian house had an attic open to the tenants. It was one of my favorite places to be alone on spring days. It was full of antiques, stained glass and wood that wasn't made how it is now. There were couches and lots of space to hangout. During this point of my life I discovered how enticed I was with hidden areas and danger. The man that built the Victorian house built an electrical device that ran on the outside of the third floor of the house. A cart used to move on this track. The man who built this house in the 1800's would later die in an airplane crash. His own airplane! I took him over to another window and on the third story roof we sat, talking. It was a rush to be up there! We overlooked the city. We also overlooked the ghetto where I once shot bottle rockets off my porch into. He opened up more. Now, I knew he usually only dated black girls. Rather perturbed, i looked at my skin color. I mean, to my knowledge I wasn't black. He told me I was sexy and that he was really into me. Thank god, getting to know this person was going so well that me meeting his standards was what I craved. All jokes aside, he offered me his own disaster. He told me he used to sell coke years ago and I applauded him for this useless knowledge and internally clapped with matches. Before he left, he grabbed me from behind and started to kiss me. He was not my cup of strange. He pulled me from behind and I thought he ripped my arms out of the socket from pain. He was so forcefully grabbing my arms from behind that at this point I couldnt feel them. I can be a bit of a masochist but I was enticed with his danger for the last time.

He left and I never saw him again. The next time we had an encounter was when he showed up at my apartment that I lived at, alone, unexpectedly. I had just locked both the back and front door and heard a knock. I was on the other side of the door on my couch. Frozen in fear, I heard his voice. He didn't have a phone so he couldn't call me and I wasn't in the mood to entertain someone who showed up to my house unexpectedly. Although he drove over two hours, I didn't feel safe. I thought he might climb up the side of my house to look in my windows. He pounded for a while and eventually went to the backdoor saying my name. My friends lived in the apartment behind my house and could see him walking up my back steps. I called them and my friends boyfriend told him I wasn't home. He left. Before he left he brought a bouquet of white roses, a pack of parliament cigarettes and left them on my porch. He also dropped a gram of weed that I later found in my yard. I was relived until he got home.

Two hours later this man attacked me online. He called me multiple names and told me my friends and I were rich bitches who did coke and smoked parliaments. Meanwhile, I don't do drugs and my friends smoked Marlboros. He told me he was going to beat the shit out of my friends and throw us out the third story window. He said he wanted his instruments back and I told him I would put them outside. He then said he didn't want them anymore. They must have been stolen. I speculated this upon receiving them. i later sold them at a flea market. After this, I didn't entertain him and eventually after rambling on he apologized. He said some of the worst things and completely changed once he lost control. I would eventually find out how sociopaths work in the following years of my life. I ignored him and blocked him on the social media he had. I heard nothing from him until I got a message on Facebook two years later.

He said, he hoped I was doing good and that he never stopped thinking about me. He apologized for everything he said and did and wanted me to know he never moved on. I dont know the exact thoughts I felt in those moments but I'm sure it was terror. This individual knew nothing about me. As I previously explained I can be rather reserved in certain settings. Like a treasured book I open with time. He reached out several times confessing his love for me. I never wrote back and blocked him. A year later I come across this article which now you will know his name. Read this deranged article and like me, you might become more in tune with the red flags that come with meeting people on dating sites. What seemed like an ordinary man who ran a business turned into a guy who once got a thousand dollar fine for dumping someone else's trash in the woods. Mind you, the truth unraveled quickly with this winner.

Have you had any online dating experiences that scared you?

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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      19 months ago

      Very true!

      It sounds like you're someone who (learns) from mistakes. That's to be commended. Too often people do forget that (they) chose who to go out with and invest their time and emotion.

      Playing the "blame game" never (empowers) us. The only person we can control is our self by making informed choices and decisions as well as learning from our mistakes.

      If you go to the store to purchase an apple but buy an onion instead whose fault is that? Do you curse the onion for not being an apple? No! You learn to become a "better shopper"!

      Congratulations on finding someone on Okcupid!

      Generally I advise people to stay away from the (free) sites.

      They remind me of "bargain hunting" for treasures in places not known for the best/highest quality products.

      I suspect it simply means one has to be patient and have a great mate/selection screening process.

      Best wishes!

    • balancedmatter profile imageAUTHOR


      19 months ago from PA

      I appreciate you taking the time to read and sharing your insight. I don't disagree with what you said.

      This was 5 years ago and I learned from the experience and have more awareness with the people I choose in my life.

      Though drawn to the abnormal, I don't think that's always a bad thing.

      I've had good experiences with abnormally unique people who gave me no red flags.

      I have been a person drawn to my mistakes or when something ends letting those mistakes follow me. I made some serious changes though and don't dwell on those moments, just lesslons learned. living in the present is less complex and keeps me focused on working towards something worth while.

      I also understand dating websites are not the cause of my bad experiences. In this generation it's the quickest way to meet people if you don't go out a lot. I guess, I used to rush things more so back then and now I'm not so easy to just jump into anything. I have dated someone off ok Cupid for a few months and we did have a connection. Overall, it's not the sites fault. It was my decision to meet up and I should have been more cautious then.

      It's really just important to realize your patterns and recognize the importance in not ignoring the red flags.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      19 months ago

      "I tend to be drawn to rather abnormal souls..."

      Anyone who lives by that mantra is likely to have many bad dates and strange encounters to share.

      In some ways it's similar to a girl in a "bad boy" phase of life who automatically puts "nice guys" in her "friend zone".

      These types of people want a "challenge" in their relationships.

      For safety reasons when I taught my online dating course I specifically tell women not to bring guys to their home or even have them pick them up anywhere. Always meet at a neutral site for lunch or whatever and do not get into cars with them.

      Generally speaking a Long Distance Relationship is not going to end with an happy ending. This is especially true if the people met online. Yes, there are "exceptions".

      However life is far more easier when we (live by the rule) as opposed to hoping to be an "exception to the rule".

      Some people are initially drawn into weirdness and they're fascinated by it until they realize he/she is crazy or twisted!

      Ultimately they chose to ignore the "red flags" for an adventure.

      Lastly it's important to state online dating sites are nothing more than a (tool) for meeting (new) people.

      Just as a fork is a tool for eating with. One can (choose) to eat a garden salad or a slice of double fudge chocolate cake.

      However no obese person would ever blame their (fork) for their weight gain! And yet many people will blame online dating sites for their bad experiences!

      Each of us gets to (choose) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      You are responsible for choosing the people (you) engage with, exchange contact information with, and meet in person with.

      Everyone should have their on "mate selection/screening process" or "must have" list criteria. Choose wisely!

      Know yourself, Love yourself, Trust yourself!

      It's not about (how) you meet but (who) you meet that counts!

      Always use good commonsense when dealing with strangers both online and offline. One man's opinion!


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