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A Message To Gays Who Take Their Shirt Off In Clubs

Updated on September 2, 2009


This past weekend I had a dear friend in from LA visiting and so we decided (though we’re both happily coupled to the men of our dreams – him even married as he was fortunate to get married to his male mate before California let the Mormons pay for the pass of Prop 8) we decided to go dance ourselves into a frenzy at the supposed one gay club on The Strip, Krave. Truth be told there were a lot of gays but also tons of straightees of the male and female persuasion at this club and I’m convinced that this is the wave of the future, that every club will be a good mix of the gay, straight and greedy (what I call bisexuals). Like a Benetton ad or the song, “We Are The World”, I’m thinking that this is the way to bring about real change. After all, can anything bring people closer than dancing, drinking and puking around one another? And although I’m sure that this happens at straight clubs as well (from watching footage of Spring Break and other straightee get togethers on television) the proclivity some men have for taking their shirts off should be more of a privilege in my opinion than a right. A message to gays who take their shirt off in clubs – Don’t Get Me Started!

If you’ve never been to a gay club let me just tell you that at most they have what you would call “Go Go Boys” – which are muscular boys who dance on boxes in their underwear or sometimes elaborate costumes and people put money in their crotches. (Not bad work if you don’t get too many paper cuts, right?) Make no mistake about it, these are not all gay boys earning their living by shaking their money makers, a lot of times these are straight boys who adore the attention of the boys and men at gay clubs and can make a crap load of money from those gays who think there’s a possibility of bagging and tagging a straight guy. It’s a win-win for everyone. The guys on the dance floor get to look at the hot boys on boxes and the boys on boxes make their living from undulating and feeling themselves up to the delight of the crowd. In certain towns these boys can barely do step touch without falling off the box or they’ve taken so many steroids that they simply look like lobsters with their abdomens looking like a well seasoned lobster tail spilling out of the shell on a plate at a fine restaurant. They sort of bop to the music but there’s really no dance skill, though let’s face it I don’t think anyone is tipping them or trying to take them home based on their dance abilities. However, in Vegas, I’m proud to say that both the straight and gay Go Go Boys seem to actually know how to dance and undulate all at the same time. Fabulous, right? That said, the boys on the boxes have bodies that range from slim toned to so muscular that you think you’re looking at one of those bodybuilder magazines that supposed straight guys get for the articles <wink, wink, nudge, nudge>. But for the most part, they are the “gold standard” if you will for what a well toned body should look like if it is being flaunted in public.

This brings me to the many men who I hope are so drunk or drugged that in some strange way they think they meet the gold standard of the Go Gos (not to be confused with the Belinda Carlisle band from the 80’s) when in fact the drugged and drunk oft times do not only not meet the gold standard but not even the gold vermeil standard. I guess I should be saying good for them that they’re comfortable enough with themselves to take their shirt off in public, let alone around people who look amazing with their shirts off, all the while their guts hanging over their pants and looking more like someone’s Dad who is mowing the lawn in the backyard (complete with the t-shirt that was taken off tucked into the pants and hanging looking like a God only knows what). But please, for the sake of the gays and straights alike who have to look at you with your out of shape body out in the public without some fabric over it, if you want to do that go to a nudist colony where no one cares. Believe me when I tell you that everyone at a gay bar cares what you look like once the shirt comes off. You see God gave us fashion to disguise our flaws and be able to take someone home no matter what sins were lying underneath, once you take your shirt off the illusion and your sins of too many burgers and fries are on display for all to see. So just do me a favor, the next time, before you cross both arms in front of you and grab the hem of your t-shirt to do your big reveal, stop a moment and decide if what lies underneath really needs to be seen by others. A message to gays who take their shirt off in clubs – Don’t Get Me Started!

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    • RavenBiker profile image

      RavenBiker 4 years ago from Pittsburgh, PA.

      Funny, funny and so delicious! And I agree---and keep your pants on too!