ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A Relationship Saver: Learning About Love Languages

Updated on January 6, 2016

What are the "love languages" anyways?

The love languages, originally developed by Gary Chapman, are the ways in which we give and receive love. Think about this: If you really wanted to do something nice for your partner to show them you love them, what would you do? Buy them a gift? Write them a love note? Bring them lunch to work? Spend a romantic evening together? We all utilize all of the love languages at certain times, but typically we have one outstanding love language that means the most to us. The 5 main love languages are:

  • words of affirmation;
  • quality time;
  • gifts;
  • acts of service, and
  • physical touch

To answer your question, no, physical touch does not mean sex. It can include sex, but it can also include such things as hugging, hold hands, give back rubs, kissing, and so on. Acts of service is doing things for your partner, such as making dinner or washing their car for them, while gifts are more along the lines of sending flowers or possible taking them out to dinner. Quality time is clearly just spending time together, and words of affirmation is just as it sounds; saying words like "I love you" or "you look beautiful."

To find out which is your primary love language, follow the link at the bottom of the page to take the quiz.


Why Understanding the Love Languages is Important

I am about to present you with a relationship-changing idea:

The way that you show love to your partner might not be how they actually receive love.

Let me explain with an example.
A couple, let's call them Monica and Chandler, have been fighting a lot lately. Chandler's love language is quality time, so he keeps attempting to plan romantic dates with Monica to get them back on the same page. Monica's love language, however, is gifts. So every time Chandler tells her he's planned another evening together, Monica thinks it's nice and all but really doesn't feel loved as a result of it. If Chandler were to send her flowers during the day or bring home a beautiful piece of jewelry to her, she would really know that Chandler loves her.

This can go the other way, too. Monica keeps trying to buy nice things for Chandler, like his favorite beer or some new clothes, but Chandler doesn't really care. What would make him feel more loved is if Monica were to clear her schedule and set aside some time for them to hang out together.

Learning your own love language and the love language that means the most to your partner is vital for the health of your relationship. It's possible that you've been trying to show them love in a way that means something to you, but that isn't communicating love to them at all.

What next?

I highly recommend that you and your partner both take the love languages quiz to figure out how you should best be loving each other.

To take it a step further, you could even purchase the book and read it together. The book comes with a lot of great ideas on how to feed a love language that isn't your own. This can be a difficult task; we naturally love in the way that we feel most loved by. It can be challenging to do something you might not be as comfortable with. My love language is gifts, whereas hubs is words of affirmation. It's not a natural thing for me to stop and say, "Hey, I just want you to know I really respect you." I have to consciously be aware of this and take the time to do it, just like he has to stop throughout the day and think, "What's something I could give Langley that would make her feel loved?"

Being aware of one another's love languages is a game-changer. You just might find out that you have been showing each other love in the wrong way all along!


I challenge you to take the quiz and try it out, try loving each other in a new way. And don't forget to let me know how it goes!

Give me your feedback!

Did learning about love languages help your relationship?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)