- Gender and Relationships»
A Wife's Attitude Determines The Matrimonial Peace in Her Home
What Kind of Wife are You
A wife brings either a softening or a hardening touch to most every situation, when it relates to that which involves her children and her husband. Melanie Chitwood says, “Women are the heart of the home, and our attitude set the emotional temperature in our families. A wife’s positive attitude can permeate our home like the sweet aroma of freshly picked like flowers, or negative attitude can pollute her home like stinky garbage.”
A wife could be a crown to her husband or a thorn in his side. Proverbs 12: 4 says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who causes shame is like rottenness in his bones.”
In the past a fulfilled wife was regarded as a woman who pleased her husband, had best behaved kids, keep immaculate house, and was gourmet cook. Today emphasis is placed on being the best dressed and/or well-read woman because modern work to contribute to the upkeep of the home. But the wife can still determine the situation in her home.
Ideally wives are the tone-setters for the houses. And this influence is powerful. Just as you buy different fragrances, to add refreshing scent to the air in your homes, so you can choose different attitudes to create an aroma in the atmosphere: cheery and joyful, continually content, grumbling and whining, complaining and argumentative, hopeful and happy and discouraged and discontented.
Some couples get so angry they shout and throw off their cloaks and destroy their properties. How do you react when you’re angry? Since men tend to be more violent, you can be the moderating person in the home.
- Do you throw things? Many women do. Break things or bang pots and pans? The children say, “Mom is at it again.”
- Do you pout and give the silent treatment? I’ll fix him. I won’t talk to him for days.
- Take it out on other people, like the kids?
- Deny sex? I’ll show him he can’t treat me that way,” as you roll over and turn your back to him.
- Spend money? I’ll get even with him!”
- Try to flirt with other man? I’ll even the score.
- Drag up past offenses?
Proverbs 21:19 says, “Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.” Reflect honestly about your life, and think about any of your actions or attitudes that probably make it harder for your spouse to believe in you.
If you get your feelings hurt and begin to react in anger, it could be a definite hindrance to communicating with your husband. But if you remember this could be a trying moment and respond accordingly he’ll know he has an understanding wife. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
How many marriages break up over trivial things? For example, when couples are upset with each other and clam up instead of discussing it, it places a brick between them. The next incident put another brick on top of that one. Some of these trivial things could be that, perhaps he forgets to empty the garbage some evenings. Or he came back late from work. None of these little incidents in itself is worth an argument, piled on top of each other, like bricks, they become a wall.
Now, it’s easy to remove one brick, but it is more difficult to tear down a wall? Since every wife is married to an imperfect man, every wife will have legitimate disappointments in her marriage. Are you going to define your husband only by his weaknesses? It will be better if you pray that God will open our eyes to the common blessings that your husband provides and to which you often become blinded.
Fighting your husband’s irresponsibility with irresponsibility of your own is like pouring gasoline and on a fire; it just makes things that much more explosive, that much worse. Try to conquer evil by letting responsibility shame irresponsibility. Proverbs 25:24 says, “It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.”
Try to put yourself in his shoes and evaluate the way you behave and the words you speak. Try to assess whether you are helping to draw him closer to yourself as his wife, or whether you are pushing him further away. Every human being wants to be admired. If you don’t, you are denying him the one thing he wants most in life and his ego will be crushed. Criticizing him, telling him he’s dumb, and correcting him in front of others, comparing him with other men help in destroying his self-confidence and injuring his pride.
You can submit to God in prayer whatever controls your husband –alcoholism, workaholic, laziness, depression, infirmity, abusiveness, anxiety, fear, or failure and pray for him to be released from it. Proverbs 31: 10-12, says, “Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.”
And remember that a sense of humor has dissolved some sticky problems. If he forgets to empty the garbage, you might smile and say, “I played garbage man today because someone forgot to empty it. A laugh can call forth a response much different from a frown or a belligerent attitude. And let him know he can remind you when you’ve failed. Never counter with a recrimination. And never let bad feelings build up. Talk it over and get it settled.
Many difficult things that happen in a marriage are naturally part of relationship. Resolve that, “I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage. I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices, destroy what we are trying to build together.” I will not’ tolerate hurt or forgive wrongs done to me lead to divorce.
It is a fact, that kindness kills wickedness far more effectively than nagging, complaining, or disrespect. It is a fact, that kindness kills wickedness far more effectively than nagging, complaining, or disrespect.