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A picture is worth...

Updated on September 1, 2013

I’m sure you were able to finish the title of this Hub without too much trouble. “A picture is worth a thousand words.” Most of us know that little saying, but how many of us remember the second, oft-forgot half of the saying? “A picture is worth a thousand words, but your actions speak volumes.” This saying, in its entirety, is true in every aspect of life, including dating.

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What are some of the rituals you undergo before that first date? Do any of these things sound familiar?

~Pick out the perfect outfit, possibly purchasing a new one
~Take an hour to perfectly curl or straighten your hair
~Shave every bit of the 5 o’clock shadow away
~Spend at least thirty minutes on makeup or pick out the perfect first date cologne
~Brush your teeth three times and use mouthwash twice
~Pack a compact mirror and tube of lipstick in your purse for touch-ups
~Shove a packet of breath mints in your back pocket

I’m sure no matter how you get ready for a first (or any) date, your answers pretty much stay within the realm of what you do to prep your outsides. Now I want to ask you that question again, but with a twist. What do you do to prepare yourselves inside for that first date?

We spend so much time preparing ourselves on the outside for the first date, to look our absolute best for our date, that we ignore the most important part of getting ready. We can go on that first date looking like an airbrushed model out of Cosmo or GQ, but if we haven’t prepared ourselves on the inside, we don’t stand a chance for what could be a potential meaningful relationship with that person. Even worse, because we’ve spent so much time preparing our outsides, and no time on the inside, we can come across as self-centered, appearance driven, shallow, and hollow. Remember, what you look like is what they will see and evaluate first (the first half of our saying), but after that when you’re talking over dinner, it is your insides that will be under the microscope (the second half of our saying).

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We all have different levels of confidence about ourselves. But no matter how we feel about ourselves on an overall level, low self-esteem is not what you want to exude on a first date. I believe that if your self-esteem is so low that you can’t keep it in check, then you should stop dating, re-evaluate yourself, and get your life under control before you try to bring someone else into it. While having someone desire you might make you feel good, that feeling is temporary and it will not cure your self-esteem problem.

Perpetual low self-esteem is usually a symptom of a much deeper problem, and can also stem from many different life events. Having a relationship with someone cannot raise your self-esteem in and of itself. If you are only dating to have someone pay attention to you for long enough so you feel better about yourself, then you also know that the fluctuation in your self-esteem is only temporary. When it lowers again, it could quite possibly leave your self-esteem lower than ever before. The importance of discovering the truth behind your low self-esteem and then setting about finding the cure is crucial for one to have a healthy relationship. There is nothing wrong with seeking out help from a professional if your low self-esteem is getting in the way of life and love.

That being said, we all feel down on ourselves every now and then. But if you go into a first date feeling lousy about yourself, your date will pick up on it. If you are going on the date just because you had nothing better to do on Saturday night, your date will pick up on that. If you go into the date believing that your date will never like you, and you have no chance of getting a second date because you never get the second date, your date will pick up on that. And all of it reflects poorly, not on your clothes, hair, eyes, weight or height…but on your insides. By diminishing your insides, you will make your own prophecies about not having a second date come true.

Have you ever used dating to try and cure low self-esteem?

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Quit waiting for Mr. or Ms. Right to fall on your lap and accept you as you are, low self-esteem and all. Relying on someone else to cure your low self-esteem or make you feel better about yourself never works in the end. Take control of your life and dating world. You are the only one who can keep your insides beautiful all the time.

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