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ADD SOME MAGIC TO YOUR SEX-LIFE

Updated on December 20, 2011

'Your lips speak soft sweetness, your touch a cool caress I am lost in your magic, my heart beats within your chest'.

Couples who have a healthy sexual relationship are more likely to stay together.
Couples who have a healthy sexual relationship are more likely to stay together.
Couples need to make time for intimacy
Couples need to make time for intimacy

Let's face it, sex lives can become mundane especially if they have become predictable, the same thing every time, time after time. That in itself can be a major reason why couples are having less sex. Often it has simply become boring, too much fuss, so why bother?. It is never too late to spice it up, never too late to bring back some special magic.

Here are some ideas, to bring back some sizzle to your love-life, to bring back that passion that once made making love so special between you both. Don't let lack of time be your reason for preventing the two of you expressing your love to each other. Make the time, as a great sex life, can keep couples together longer,as they share their intimacy with each other.

Fill your drawers with beautiful lingerie
Fill your drawers with beautiful lingerie

Sexy Lingerie :


  • "A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears."
    Thomas Carlyle

Lingerie is guaranteed to get a great atmosphere flowing. All women dress up for work, for a night out. Why not dress up sometimes for bed?. The market for lingerie is huge. You can get some great buys out there,and with the huge online market at your fingertips shopping for lingerie is exciting. It does not matter if you aren't that perfect size 10. Most lingerie shops cater for all sizes. Sexy is 'all sizes, a woman of any shape can be a sexy goddess if her attitude is right. Remember ladies a man in love looks at you as the most gorgeous woman in the world even in those intimate moments , it is women who focus on their imperfections not the man.

Clothe yourself in sexy satins and silks, for that special treat, and I guarantee it will create a special magic. He will love it. We have to remember men are very visual creatures, they love to be able to see you, it adds to their arousal. The imperfections you tend to perceive of yourself are the last thing a man is looking at during those intimate times. So relax, see yourself as the beautiful creature you are, and flaunt it.

costumes
costumes

Fantasy Roles :


  • Dressing up in fantasy costumes can be magic

All this one requires is a little imagination, you don't have to be a 'Golden Globe' nominee to do this one. Role playing is great fun, if both parties are willing to give it a try. Dress up as a nurse, an exotic belly dancer, an assertive police-woman, a shy schoolgirl, whatever you want to be. Both parties take on a new, exciting identity, you get to be anyone you choose to be for the duration of those special moments. 'Make believe' can be pure magic, it breaks you out of the norm as you take on your fantasy character."Excuse me sir I need to take your temperature."

Night-time Picnic :


  • An outdoor feast of love and pleasure

Pack yourself a picnic basket, including a bottle of fine wine,two champagne glasses, add a soft rug and pack yourselves in the car. Find your own piece of heaven in a secluded spot, you often don't have to drive far from home. Making love at night beneath the stars, is a wonderful feeling. Bathed in the moon's soft glow and free from life's continual distractions, it is an experience you don't want to miss.

Take making love outdoors
Take making love outdoors

New Venues :


'I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns'

If your bedroom has been your only nesting ground, night after night, for what seems like centuries, it may be time to add the 'Portable Sex Factor'. A new venue can certainly spice up your love-life, it breaks the boredom of the familiarity of a predictable sex-life. Take it somewhere new, indoors or outside, doesn't matter, just do it.

body painting is fun
body painting is fun

Body Painting :


  • Let your brush work its art across each others skin

Body painting each other is fun, creative and in a intimate couple scenario, it can very erotic. Grab yourself some non-allergenic, non-toxic paint, that can be easily washed away. Set aside a special time, for your kinky art work session, preferably at night when the moon is high. Take it in turns, to dab your brush across each other's naked skin, painting designs or clothing on your partner, an experience the two of you will never forget.

An Erotic Poem :

  • Let your lover's heart spill forth with lust and desire

Write your partner an erotic poem or a raunchy note. For those not quite adept at writing poetry do not let it be an excuse not to spill thy passion upon thy perfumed paper. Slip your finished note in their pocket, or rest it on your lover's satin pillow. How long has it been that you told your partner how you feel about them? Be creative with your words, don't hold back, raunchy writing is a real turn on for a lot of people out there.

Stock Up The Library :


'I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath.' For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds'...Joan Rivers

There is no shame in learning new tricks, tips and love making techniques from the experts. There is some really great books out there to sink your teeth into, I can guarantee you when you think you know it all, there will always be something to learn. Anything that can help you and your partner develop the most intimate loving relationship together is a god send. Reading books on love making together is fun and a great boost for your relationship, you can learn of new things together and try new things out together as you go.

Baby oil
Baby oil

Body Slide :


  • Sometimes the most silly, uncomplicated, spur of the moment things turn out to be the most memorable. You won't know til you tried it.

I think this speaks quite for itself. It sounds quite bizarre I know but trust me it is amazing. The sensation is divine while being heaps of fun for you both.

Copyright © 2009 Deb Murray

Please Feel Free To Leave Your Comments

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    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 5 years ago from australia

      Thanks John :)

      Hi Jenny trust me it is heaps fun. I love deciding what I am going to paint the imagination runs wild lol

    • Jenny_Leigh profile image

      Jenny_Leigh 6 years ago from Pennsylvania

      What an awesome hub! These things are guaranteed to make any relationship spicier and sexier.

      ...I've always wanted to try body paint. I should do that sometime! Thanks for reminding me of it!

    • profile image

      jobin 6 years ago

      vavoo, it's fantastic

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

      Haha thanks rind :)

      Hiya asexytext oh for sure. A really hot tip, thankyou :)

    • profile image

      asexytext 6 years ago

      Another good idea is to send a hot and sexy, but tasteful text. Our iphone app, A SEXY TEXT, makes it easy for you if you don't know what to say.

    • rindkaro profile image

      rindkaro 6 years ago from Sweet Sindh

      what a hot picssssss

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 6 years ago from australia

      And I love you too acaetnna. I will send you a crate of body paints for xmas lol and you can let loose with your artistic flair. Have a wonderful day.

    • acaetnna profile image

      acaetnna 6 years ago from Guildford

      I love it - thank you blondepoet.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh you bet your socks I do Rookie. Not being modest of course I am a great lover I declare LMAO. Now there is a thought for a hub. Mmmmmmm.

    • profile image

      Rookie70 7 years ago

      Hey there Dream, I bet you have some experience up your sleeve when it comes to these things. You will have to share with us one day. ;)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh hiya Logic, wow long time. Your plan sounds divine lol. :)

    • profile image

      logic,commonsense 7 years ago

      If I could add some BP to my sex life that would be magic! :)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Oh Blade I feel for you. Can you believe it? This happened to me once. I stood in front of the tv in my bare essentials trying to get his attention and he said "I cannot see tv". Everyone thought is this man gay? Oh what a shock to my senses and let down. Thanks so much for sharing your story. This man obviously had rocks in his head.

    • bladesofgrass profile image

      bladesofgrass 7 years ago from The Fields of Iowa

      I cannot agree with you more! It is absolutely essential to add surprises along the way, keeps things interesting. I was married for a long time and I tried to do things sporatically to keep things fun and spicey, but he wasn't all that interested in the surprise factor. Here's an example of, one of many, attempts I made but failed horribly at. One night my husband came home late from working on his racecar, I was laying under the Christmas tree with nothing on but a big red bow. (Im sure you can guess where it was placed..LOL) He walks in, sees me, has a look of confusion and irritation on his face and asks, "What are you doing?" Talk about making someone feel ugly, embarrassed, and ashamed. No,he didn't want to join in. Definitely a blow to my ego, with many more years to follow.

      I eventually realized that it wasn't me that had issues, it was him. That's why he is now my "ex." I am happy to report that I have found someone who can't seem to get enough of me, and never criticizes me for wanting to keep things interesting. Great Hub..thank you! :D

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hey there epigramman well I am so glad you got to the bottom so I could find you here. Awww you are so kind, flattery will get you everywhere LMAO. :)

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 7 years ago

      It took me so long to scroll down to the bottom of this screen I was fearing for the future of hetrosexuality!

      By the way you add magic to my life as a reader - your hubs are out of this world and I should know - I'm from Mars!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hey there My Sweet Anjolie oh my!!!!! Do you like eating prawns? Got to check the compatibility LMAO!!!

      Aww thanks Fluffy you are so cool :)

    • Fluffymetal profile image

      Fluffymetal 7 years ago from Texas

      You have awesome hubs

    • My Sweet  Anjolie profile image

      My Sweet Anjolie 7 years ago

      I think I wanna do you blondepoet. Thanks for the hot honesty

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Why thanks Drake!!! Have a great day. :)

    • profile image

      drake 7 years ago

      you look mighty fine in the nurse outfit

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hey there Dream, I bet you have some experience up your sleeve when it comes to these things. You will have to share with us one day. ;)

    • profile image

      dreamreachout 7 years ago

      wow.. great hub!! fantasies, roleplay, fetish does make it spicy and long standing!!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Wow Blake well I got to thank-you for explaining all this to me I now have seen the light. So you reckon you were a vet, that is so strange as I see wild animals in my dreams too. Except they are the human variety, and I am unable to say anymore lol. Smooches to you too honey bun. xo

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Well to be fair, I used to smoke a lot of the Bob Marley excrament in the days when the mime incident happened, so interesting as my life may be at times...I would hate to have it on my headstone that he was killed by a French mime only so he could get that next inhale of a Mexican redhair.

      I bet you have some stories, too. I just have a kinda strange luck that my life follows. Plus animals of unsual circumstance are a running theme in my life.

      I can only assume that I was a very bad bad bad veterinarian in a past life.

      Smooches BP...;-O

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      LMAO blake boy do you have an interesting life. I am a little puzzled howwever. What is a mime? Cows, mimes, boy oh boy I am confused again :) :)

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      I once met a cow named Deja Moo.

      And I also was once assaulted by a mime in a local downtown art gallery.

      ( To be fair the cow probably didn't know any one from France, but had unfortunate luck being named. But that mime had it out for me, I think he might have been paid by someone in the French Fried Mafia, I have a sordid past with American immigrants that sometimes comes back to haunt me.)

      So as long as you don't dress like a mime, and there aren't any random cows about, you may indulge yourself in any way you please. LOL

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Haha Blake no I have not tried painting an erotic love poem on my lover but I am always willing to try something once. Well now you know how I became a nurse. Not your conventional way but I just can't resist playing dress ups. I can't imagine doing much while indulging in French but wow you have some great ideas going on there Blake.

    • blake4d profile image

      Blake Ford Hall 7 years ago from Now Rising Out of Phoenix Arizona Earthlings

      Hey I know, have you ever tried body painting an erotic poem on your lover. And have them paint one on you too?

      You could use somekind of really nicely flavored paint (jelly, chocolate, or whatever floats your caboose). And there could even be different games like licking the poems letters off one at a time, starting only with vowels, and working your way around the page (ie. their body) until you no longer can read the poem, or until someone starts speaking French or another foreign tongue.

      But you would need to find someone who is a good speller, otherwise the game could really turn a dark, and uncomfortable corner...

      Nothing is more of a turn off than having your partner pull out a dictionary while you are trying to speak French...

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hi CoCoa great to hear from someone else who has road tested these ideas. Yes they certainly make a difference. Thanks heaps.

    • CoCoa_81 profile image

      CoCoa_81 7 years ago from Shreveport, Louisiana

      So true, the extra excitement in the bedroom is the best for a relationship. The suggestions in this hub are guaranteed to work, i've done just about all of them and it's so much fun.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hey there Cagsil great to see you. I take it you won't be taking my pole dancing lessons, but please do pop in to my art classes,ROFL. Yes there are a few comments here, I guess it shows the amount of swinging hubbers we have LMAO, oh my!!!!

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 7 years ago from USA or America

      Great Hub!!!!! Very nicely done. :) It took awhile to get to the bottom. You seem to have more comments than material on the Hub itself. lol (j/k) Thank you. :)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Awesome Desiree I am so glad you liked my ideas, a huge welcome to you as well. :) :)

    • Desiree Addams profile image

      Desiree Addams 7 years ago

      My, my, I was like a kid in a candy store. Great article. Loved all the suggestions. The lingerie was very pretty. The change of venue suggestion is a great one. I'll have to check out more of your hubs.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Lol np Peter glad to see I could add some spice on your page :)

    • Peter Dickinson profile image

      Peter Dickinson 7 years ago from South East Asia

      I don't know if I ever did but I meant to inform you that I used part of one of your poems in my hub

      https://hubpages.com/relationships/Thai-Girls-on-T

      Thank You

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 7 years ago from australia

      Hey mroricle tks a million will check it out.

      Oh hi logic gee I missed u heaps... Oh role...mmm....oh do tell me more. xo

    • profile image

      logic,commonsense 7 years ago

      BP I have a fantasy role for you to star in!

    • mroricle1973 profile image

      mroricle1973 8 years ago from Virginia Beach

      Good stuff... Especially for married couples.. I wrote a similar hub.. "Where Did The Sex Go?" check it out

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      haha MM nothing will ever get rid of me I do declare. I am like a cat with nine lives, woo hooo. So how is the belly dancing going ROFL. xoxoxLove ya heaps.

      Thanks a million mroziat I looove the lingerie too :)

      Hiya TLG thanks so much for coming by :)

    • profile image

      THE LOVE GURU 8 years ago

    • mrozlat profile image

      mrozlat 8 years ago from Australia

      i'd have to ALL great tips... especially lingerie and role play/fantasy ;)

      http://magicpowercoffeeclub.com/

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi there you sexy wench! Have missed you, BP. Good to see you back and commenting. Also not bad to rediscover this gem of a sex tips hub. *growwwwwllll meow*

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Thanks a million Kimberley :)

    • Kimberly Bunch profile image

      Kimberly Bunch 8 years ago from EAST WENATCHEE

      Interesting article.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Glad you agree IE thanks for stopping by :)

    • IntimatEvolution profile image

      Julie Grimes 8 years ago from Columbia, MO USA

      Sexy Hub!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hiya Logic yes I always write out my hearts desires, a gal has to be upfront these days, with the economic crisis, to tell a bloke what she wants. I always practice what I preach too, a woman's work is never done lol. xox

      I wish I was a sex therapist MM ROFL, wouldn't that be wild. There would be a dozen or so stuck up a pole haha, the other half I would send to Anna for yoghurt lessons (she is my friend with the hairy armpits) in my weight loss hubs) As Anna would say here to you guys "Me thinks it velly velly good darlinks." xox

      Oh Candie I miss talking to you too I will log onto Msn tommorrow as I have my headset working again so we could try there, what do you say about that malady.xoxo

      MM, ELena and Candie you should try those belly dancing lessons, it comes in handy for when you are serving curry for dinner nights.

      Oh Elena I can just imagine you in your corset and suspenders in the kitchen baking that chicken pie for thy husband. WOoo Hooooo. xox

    • Elena. profile image

      Elena. 8 years ago from Madrid

      Sexy lingerie & dressing up work mighty fine here in my neck of the woods, yoooowww! :-)

    • profile image

      logic,commonsense 8 years ago

      BP has such an eclectic repetoire. She is totally the consumate woman. Her depth and soul never cease to amaze me!

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      ps..miss chatting with ya!! one of these days!

    • Candie V profile image

      Candie V 8 years ago from Whereever there's wolves!! And Bikers!! Cummon Flash, We need an adventure!

      I followed MM here, since I missed this the first time thru - just after I started!!! LMAO!! BP, sigh.. you are the go-to gal for all things sex!! Man, Shame is a hoot!! Sad to say I could picture the whole mess and now i need to wash my brain out with soap!!

      Love ya D!!

    • Mighty Mom profile image

      Susan Reid 8 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

      Hi BP! Are you a sex therapist in real life? If not, you should be! Your tips offer something for every couple! MM

    • profile image

      logic,commonsense 8 years ago

      The erotic poems really do work! Actually if you write out what you would like to happen, that really works as well!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      ROFL Don yes there is certainly a collection and much more where it came from. I could title it " Sizzle Up Your Frying Pan" lol. xo

    • Don Simkovich profile image

      Don Simkovich 8 years ago from Pasadena, CA

      You've almost got enough here to write a book.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Oh that quote is indeed a classic Rik thanks a million for dropping by, how is the body slide going??

    • Rik Ravado profile image

      Rik Ravado 8 years ago from England

      Worth reading just for the Joan Rivers quote - great stuff!

    • Hot Sexy Girls profile image

      Hot Sexy Girls 8 years ago

      nice

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Woo hoo ron oh yes that will do the trick nothing like wearing your birthday suit to get it going. It does not hurt to tie a red ribbon around yourself too at the door for a special event like his birthday ROFL

    • rongould profile image

      rongould 8 years ago

      How to turn a man on: Show up nude & bring food. LOL! I really enjoyed your hub. All of these are excellent ideas. However, there is always the simple approach...

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      AE that white negligee would be perfect for you I agree...will ship one straight out..that will be a mere $545 AU dollars for you, special discounted price.....would you like the G banger to match ROFL

    • AEvans profile image

      Julianna 8 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

      I love the little white negligee , who sales it? I know probably a place in Australia it is absolutely adorable and I loved the hub/:)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Lol Blue that application kept freezing my PC only way I could escape was hit the restart button, so very frustrating.

    • R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 8 years ago from Right here

      OK...hope you're getting undressed.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      hey Blue will be there in approx ten minutes. :)

    • R. Blue profile image

      R. Blue 8 years ago from Right here

      Hey Deb...I need to check my Skype...wanna help?

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hahahah marisuewrites oh the scenerios are endless. Good luck now in your endevours, may the force be with you, I am counting on it will be he will be so busy he won't ask, gulp, I hope, I pray, ROFL.

    • marisuewrites profile image

      marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

      He will ask me "where did you get this info?" well, maybe I can keep him so busy he won't ask....but, he might. LMAO unless of course, we just fall asleep instead. ahahahah

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Lool marisuewrites for sure they can there is no time frame in the art of loving. Five min is enough time to get half way up a pole perhaps stuck up there and 5 min is enough time to paint an animal from the jungle on your husband's tender areas....oh yes and the erotic letters they can be a "I want you now." style lolololololololo

    • marisuewrites profile image

      marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

      My wedding anniversary is May 28th...I'm just taking notes...you know,  in case I need it...can uh, these be done in   uh   15 min? (or less?) 

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      LMAO marisuewrites I shall expect a full report on how the painting is going and what not, do not be put off pole dancing either, you may use a pole that holds your house up if you run short looooooooolll.xox

    • marisuewrites profile image

      marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

      woooo eeee!! Blondepoet, what ideas! I'm standing by with the fire hose....just to cool everyone off...really that was all, the only reason...

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Lol Spryte well as I always say it is better to catch on in the end than never catch on at all but it certainly seems that Shade knows a bit about these mechanical devices LMAO

      Hey Eyes wow it has been ages. I hope you are doing well. Oh you are so right in what you say. That is a great point which so many ladies would agree with. Things more times than not get left up to the ladies, so yes, come on men do your thing, take the initiative.

    • profile image

      EYES CHAMbERS 8 years ago

      I loved the poem! The only i found myself thinking though after reading your hub is...Why don't men try to spice things up every once in a while...its all womens doing! Ugh...oh-well.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      *smacks my forehead*

      I totally missed that sly comment regarding mechanical pencils vs natural wood...I'm slipping.

      As for treating my husband like a dog...that goes without saying. You'll have to come up with something a bit more unique.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Oh golly gosh Sixty I had to meditate on your words for some time. Indeed you threw a brain teaser. I was thinking pencil points, mental points, points of the compass, matters that are point...-...less. Pointed elf ears, strong points, I went and grabbed my dear little book entitled "Interpretations for a blonde", LMAO, and I am right with it now....yes any points to make my dear friend Sixty happy, is fine by me. :)

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      I only need two good points from you to be eternally happy!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Lol shadesbreath that Sixty is indeed a wise man, I give him more points than Confuscious. :)

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Thanks for spotting my adolescent double-entendre, Sixty. I knew I could bank on you being with me all the way into the depths of my immaturity. LOL

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Aww thanks Sixty, LMAO I love that advice you just gave to Shades, I second that motion, old fashioned beats the electronical devices hands down. They do nothing for me have to say. :)

    • sixtyorso profile image

      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      The poem is brilliant perhaps deserving of a hub on it's own.

      @ Shades, a good old fashioned woody beats an electronic job every time! But I guess some of the ladies may disagree!

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Haha oh Shadesbreath just think your career may have indeed been reaching great peaks now, if only not for that mechanical pen. Damn that thing. :) LMAO

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      I tried that for a while, but a lot of my patients grew uncomfortable when they came into my office and found me sitting naked on a beach towel with my legal pad and mechanical pencil in hand.  Some people are just fiercely loyal to the old-school wooden pencils I guess.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      LMAO Shadesbreath, I hope Spryte receives that tip I could not of thought of a more perfect idea for her. You should think about becoming a sex counsellor haha.

    • Shadesbreath profile image

      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Spryte, paint him bright white, then dab black spots on him and call him Sparky. You guys can play Firehouse. NO man can resist that game.

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hiya spryte lol a direct one, well better not dab him with a brush loaded with brown paint haha. At least by the sounds of it, it is happening in that department. Thanks heaps for coming by.

    • spryte profile image

      spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

      Blondepoet - Loved the hub! Of course...I really don't think I'll ever try any of those things with the ol' hubby. He prefers a more direct approach so I just try to mix up my responses to keep it new and fresh. :)

    • blondepoet profile image
      Author

      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      oh Sixtyorso you go for it. I of couse would like a full report on your new experiences, perhaps keeping a little log book would be a good investment to record all the details lool. As you may have read Teresa is busy with her belly dancing and frolicing on a love swing, maybe you should try out this swing yourself, mmm indeed. Did you see the poem I added LMAO

      Hahahaha Shadesbreath you have me so choked up I can barely speak from way too much laughter. Oh boy I really stuffed up your sex life. Oh boy you took it to extremes, like the zoo haha. I am relieved though to hear you did not spread out a rug in the quarters that has a sign saying, "Beware Lion's County." Omg you are in debt cos of me, did you not read the fine print that said proceed with caution haha, I honestly can't stop laughing. U r a gem.

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      Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

      Blondepoet, I would like to complain about your hub.  I read this when it first came out, and decided to try some of your advice.  Thanks to you, not only is my sexlife still abysmal, but I am now indebt, my house is ruined, my other eye hurts and innocent creatures have been hurt.

      I am a large man, so lingerie has to be custom made.  Besides looking horrific in it, went I went to Omar's Tent Making, Custom Lingerie, Bistro and Grill, they charged me $17 a cubic yard.  Just the man-boustier alone cost me over $100 in materials.  I put it on and I looked like Santa shaved, trussed up and stuffed in an old ship's sail.  Bad advice number 1.

      So we decided to try the role playing game.  I decided it would be fun to use the theme of Old TV Shows, and she agreed.  So, I went into the bathroom, stripped down, and came out and threw on my best Archie Bunker love-machine role.  Man, I was awesome, I really think I nailed it, but, alas, my Edith was not aroused at all.  She laughed at me, BlondePoet.  Mocked my 70's sensuality.  Needless to say, my self-esteem was as flaccid as, my, uh, self-esteem was.  Bad advice number 2.

      So we tried your take it outside trick.  Took her to the zoo, stuffed her behind some bushes near the baboon cage and tried to make monkey love to her.  She screamed, and actually called security on me.  Her own husband. WTF?  Your advice is terrible.

      So we moved to the body paint thing, figured, why not, how can you go wrong, right?  Yeah, so my wife agrees that last Friday would be the night, and she comes home late because she was gonna get the supplies.  You know, when she pulled up towing a paint compressor on a trailer she rented from the local US Rents, I knew it was not going to be a good night for that old self esteem again.  The armful of paint cans and rollers she pulled out of the trunk pretty much finished me off.

      So then, I installed a pole dancing pole, mounted to ceiling stud and floor. I took one swing too hard and ripped out a chunk of ceiling, fell backwards on the cat, who scratched the shit out of me, and the pole hit me in the eye. Need I say more? (They really should put that 300 pound maximum weight capacity thing in bigger font on those instructions imo.)

      So, anyway, no offense to you, but your advice is terrible.  My house has paint everywhere, the ceiling is ruined, the cat is still limping, there's oil on everything, and I can't watch 70's reruns on tv anymore. You should include at the very least suggestions like "turn out the lights and do it on a night with no moon" or something else.  Maybe I'll have to write a hub like that to balance this one. 

      (:P)

      (Great hub, btw.)

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      Clive Fagan 8 years ago from South Africa

      Pole dancing belly dancing, chocololate hot spots. Oh wow. As I said Pest will revert to type because of this hub!In fact I am also tempted to self indulge myself!

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Hahaha Teresa oh you are sooo funny. That swing sure does work wonders. Boy there is going to be some more giggles now here, I can tell you. I told you that if you bought that swing you would never regret it, LMAO

      Oh jim10 wowee we finally have someone here , who has been there and done that. Yahooo. So we got to watch out for that mint, rightio, will be on the alert for that one. Did you hear that folks no brushing mint on the dints LMAO. Thanks heaps for sharing that with us.

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      jim10 8 years ago from ma

      Great suggestions, the body paint is a lot of fun especially the edible ones. But, be very careful where you put the green body paint. Mint is not meant for sensitive areas. I still have nightmares.

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      Sheila 8 years ago from The Other Bangor

      Yep -- that swing gets a lot of wear and tear. But hey -- ya gotta stay young somehow, doncha?

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Lol Teresa is laughing now RP I just talked to her, she said she was swinging on one of those love swings off the bedroom ceiling LMAO

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      Michelle Simtoco 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      Hahahaha naughty you! Sowee Teresa...didn't mean to make fun of you but we love you much! :-) And I could learn to do belly dancing with you and laugh at our bellies. tee hee

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Oh thankyou so much ripplemaker, oh a lot of people have loved Teresa's comments LMAO. I can just visualise her with a pot and pan, with one of those Arabian outfits on, dancing around in her kitchen to some hot Arabian tune, i think she might even be climbing a pole by this stage. Gooo Teresa.xoxox

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      Michelle Simtoco 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

      If this will not add magic to one's sex life, I don't know what will...Hahaha Great hub Blonde poet. :-) I had to laugh at Teresa's comment about having all the belly ROFL.

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      blondepoet 8 years ago from australia

      Haha CrisA I just dig the way you put that. Sins and commandments, either could apply here. Just call me tiger ROARRRRRRRRRRR.xox

      LMAO Sixty oh I do declare butter would not melt in my mouth.I wish I could say nore now but..you see...I'm kind of..all tied up.xox