- Gender and Relationships
Can This Be True?
You Can't Make This Stuff Up
August 4, 2002.
A day just like any other day...or so I thought.
I was a 41 year old, thrice divorced woman who was enjoying my freedom. I had been employed as a babysitter and lawn maintenance person while I was still a teenager, living under my parent's roof and rules. I was not allowed to single date until my 16th birthday and had several beaus while in high school. I did push the curfew limits by coming in at 1145 rather than 1130 and almost missed my high school graduation celebration because of a major faux paus. But my parent relented and allowed me to attend the party. I went with a young man that I was in love with but his feelings only were platonic towards me. I did have my share of heartbreaks and did my share of breaking others hearts.
I married my first husband at age 20 and attended nursing school. We had planned on starting a family soon after my graduation but life got in the way. I found out many years later that I was not able to conceive a child and he developed a pretty bad drug and alcohol addiction. I ran away and moved back in with my parents. The marriage was all wrong-he was 9 years older than me and had already been married twice before. But I believed in the fairy tail of meeting my Prince Charming and living happily ever after. We did stay married for a total of 7 years.
My second husband I met when I joined the US Army. Since I was a registered nurse, I joined the medical corps. But since I didn't have a Bachelor's Degree, the Army only recognized me as a LPN. I worked in the Troop Medical Clinic and when my stint was up in the service, I moved into a civilian job. Unfortunately, my husband and I didn't really love each other-it was more of a marriage of convenience. We did try for children and I did have an ectopic pregnancy and unable to carry the child to term. Like I said before, we were just playing house and not in love so that marriage dissolved.
Since I was footloose and fancy free, I decided that I didn't want to be a Mrs. I had gone from being my father's daughter into my husband's wives. I was enjoying my freedom and did play the field for a while. That is, until I met my third husband. We were happy playing around but he had a son from his ex-wife. This was a new chapter in my life-I was now going to be a step mother. I do have to thank the ex-wife because she was secure enough in her love for her son to share him with me. She encouraged him to call me on a regular basis and really encouraged the bonding process. She did a lot of traveling for her job and so we had him with us much more that she had him. We were able to sit down as three parents and come up with the rules-respect all parents, follow the rules set down at the respective homes, if the son had a punishment at one home, then the other home was expected to carry out the punishment as well. There was never any trying to buy the son's love or affections. There was never any harsh talk about the parents to the child. We were all actually civilized to each other. Unfortunately, this marriage ended because of me and so I had a third failed marriage under my belt. This marriage lasted another 7 years.
With all of these failed marriages, since I was the only constant, I had determined that I had some issues I needed to work out. I did spend some time in therapy and discovered that I was too selfish and wanted to do things my way. My counselor informed me that I needed to grown up and find out what I wanted to do with my life.
When I left my third husband, I decided that I wanted to attend cosmetology school. I did and learned a lot and felt that this was going to be my niche. I like to be a service oriented person and like to make people feel better. I was also given the chance to extend my education and take basic and advanced massage therapy school and esthetician school. I basically discovered that I loved being a professional student. I was able to maintain a 3.87 GPA for these classes and was even approached by my esthetics instructor to get my teaching degree and come back to the school and teach. I was looking into that and then ran into my next relationship.
This was not a marriage but cohabitation. He was 10 years my junior and I was flattered that he wanted an older woman. There were some good times in the four years that we were together but there were more bad. He used me as a "sugar momma" because he could never keep a job-either he would develop heat stroke from working outside, or he would injure himself playing basketball or he just figured "Why work-she makes good money". I did make great money working at a day spa. I would make a 60% commission(usual is 30%) plus generous tips and I developed a loyal clientele. I would work Wednesdays through Sundays and my days off were Mondays and Tuesdays. The spa 's normal operating schedule was Tuesdays-Saturdays but Sundays we were open for 4 hours and the owner worked on Sundays with me. I can't count how many clientele would pay me extra to work on Tuesdays. I did end up paying for restaurants because this cub had no money. I finally had enough of being taken advantage off and told him it was over. He had begged me to stay and marry him and have his children but we were living in his PARENTS home because "we" couldn't afford a home.
One of my clients introduced me into country bars and I discovered a niche. All the "cowboys" we attentive and they would actually pay. They didn't believe in a woman having to pay for anything. I got used to nice expensive dinners, trips to the ocean, trips out of town and being treated like a princess. There was never any strings attached and this was heaven. This lifestyle lasted for about 8 months.
One day I went to the library to use the internet and there was an email from a young man from my past in 1974. He said that he had been searching for me for a long time-he wasn't a stalker-just curious as to how my life turned out. I decided to respond to him because this was a blast from my past. He was separated from his wife and had two teenage sons living at home. I was not interested in being a step mom again-I felt I was too old for that.
We exchanged phone numbers and I called him first. Unfortunately, his ex wife(who had moved out of their home and was living somewhere else)had changed the message on the machine to include her name. I decided just to leave my name but no phone number. The next week when I returned to the library there was another email from him, stating that he would like my number and to come and see me. He apologized for her name and voice on the machine. So I took a chance.
He called me in July and we decided to meet 4August after I got off work. I was nervous all that day at work and luckily was working on a friend as my last client. When we saw each other again after 27 years,it was like NO time had passed. We went to my house and I cooked a lasagna dinner and he went back to his motel to spend the night. Here was a gentleman-he did not expect to sleep with me on this trip. All of his intentions were to be friends and to catch up with each other.
That weekend stirred up all of our old feelings from when we first met each other when we were 13 and 14. I had told him that since I had had some many failed relationships and marriages that I was never, never, never, never, ever going to get remarried. But God has a sense of humor and we were joined in Holy Matrimony 15May2003-284 days after being reunited. And it has lasted 3,652 days-and I expect it to last another 18,262 days so we can celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary!