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AUTHENTICS: Sexuality and Spirituality

Updated on October 25, 2007

"How do I reconcile my sexuality with my spirituality??"

"One need not exclude the other . . . " S. Grace

As a Life Skills Coach of 20+ years I am asked many a question during my sessions with truly gifted individuals. This question came up more than once today and it got me thinking that something besides fire and a full moon is in the air. (1) In honoring today's whisper by Divine Presence, I offer a few ideas here for comment and/or reflection.

"How do I reconcile my sexuality with my spirituality . . . ??

Religious beliefs often interfere and/or inhibit sexual expression. For most, this need not be the case. My belief system (2) encourages, promotes and facilitates individuals to make sound, deliberate choices based on their most authentic selves.

"Sometimes finding our true selves takes years of excavation, sometimes just a single compelling soul-level debate can be enough to change the trajectory of one's life . . ." S. Grace

I coach based upon certain premises: The premise that people are basically decent by nature and that any deviation toward the other direction is madness . . . That we are independent thinking adults and have learned the value of balance in our lives . . . That we only want the best for others as we want the best for ourselves . . . That we have developed enough self esteem to muster the discipline and self-examination to live authentic lives . . . That sustained contentment/authenticity is our goal and that we have a willingness to examine the areas where our actions are in direct conflict.

DEFINITION of Balance in Life:

"One foot planted solidly on Earth and one foot dancing merrily with Angels . . ." S. Grace

I encourage the blurring of boundaries between sexuality and spirituality with people who truly love each other. I was lucky; my early adult experiences included healthy doses of both sexuality and spirituality. (3) For that reason I was not willing to compromise later; one without the other is only half the equation. Plus, it seemed logical that settling for "best at the moment" left no room for "best of my Life."

Then there is the question of worthiness. I was a quick understudy for so many who had come before me (no pun intended). Those a few years older often lament their pasts. "Oh, if he/she only knew how many partners I had he/she would not be with me . . . " "My lover is so wonderful, so perfect I wish I hadn't been so promiscuous looking for love in all the wrong places . . . " "I am not worthy of his/her affections; if he/she only knew . . ." Without the feeling of worthiness, spirit flees from sexuality.

My recommendations to clients generally fall along the following guidelines:

Do not compromise sexuality with a lack of spirituality;

"No" is a complete sentence;

"Conscience" and "consequences" are first-class words;

Abstinence is a valid choice;

Abortion is not planned birth control;

Condoms are compulsory;

Intentions to be very clear between partners;

Fair play is equally important for sports and bedrooms;

Be direct and ask for what you need/want/expect;

Do not flirt/engage or have sex with spouses that are not your own;

Sex that involves monetary exchange, whether on the street or behind closed doors is still known by same name.

In short, sexuality without spirituality can be an empty, albeit pleasurable, act. Spirituality without the awareness of earthly delights can be just as empty.

If you like what you read, please consider a "thumbs up" and then adding a comment below!! I look forward to your thoughts and feelings!!

Notes:

(1) A full chapter about the benefits of combining Sexuality and Spirituality is in the soon-to-be-published book, Blue Waters Speak to Me, by S. Grace

(2) AUTHENTICS, Life Skills by Conscious Design, created by S. Grace

(3) My childhood is another story

Comments

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  • profile image

    Earth Angel 

    7 years ago

    ShaktiLove, You have all the time in the world! I have been here at HubPages over 4 years and I still learn new things and meet new wonderful people each and everyday! Blessings on your Journey! Earth Angel!

  • shaktilove profile image

    shaktilove 

    7 years ago from nearby You - just behind 2 screens

    Earth Angel :) Exactly - it is a same wave-lenght :) I didnt use such term before :) it is right that :))))

    I am still very glad... I have to explore a many, here - give me time, please :))))

    One Source ~

  • profile image

    Earth Angel 

    7 years ago

    Blessings ShaktiLove! Your name says it all! Yes, we are on the same wave-length! Actually, many of us are here at HubPages! So glad you made your way here! By the way, are you familiar with Larisa Stow and the Shakti Tribe!? Good dear friends! Thanks again for dropping by! Blessings always, Earth Angel! P.S. I tried to join your Fan Club yesterday but for some reason it is turned off?? Will keep checking!

  • shaktilove profile image

    shaktilove 

    7 years ago from nearby You - just behind 2 screens

    My Dear Earth Angel :) I so glad I joined a HubPages. Especially, because I met a likeminded people here so fast :)))) I investigated a story of so called Jesus disciple Doubting Thomas for couple years... and many related things found. We cant imagine how ruthless battle for souls is started [and still continued] just from very beginnings of Christian Church.

    P.S. I am hoping a reason of taking ShaktiLove's name I will explain somehow, later :)))) I am really Yours____

  • profile image

    Earth Angel 

    7 years ago

    Dearest ShaktiLove!

    "Do not compromise sexuality with a lack of spirituality" is something I have lived by for decades! I am glad it has resonated with you!

    I agree with you; many Churches and organized religions have put their "stamp" of approval or disapproval on sacred acts between devoted lovers, much to the detriment of those they are trying to "enlighten" as well as their own institutions!

    Thank you so much for the comment!

    Blessings Always, Earth Angel!

    P.S. Such a GREAT name!

  • shaktilove profile image

    shaktilove 

    7 years ago from nearby You - just behind 2 screens

    Good stuff, indeed :)

    A guideline "Do not compromise sexuality with a lack of spirituality" could be enough for further hubs. Because people are confused by churchy commandments [which are overstepped by clergy every day and almost everywhere] ~

  • Earth Angel profile imageAUTHOR

    Earth Angel 

    7 years ago

    Blessings to you gmwilliams!

    I couldn't agree more! But the ideas aren't new!

    Healthy spiritual practices combined with healthy sexual practices has been the prescription for long life, abundance and happiness throughout many Eastern Traditions for thousands of years!

    Blessings on your day and your good health always,

    Earth Angel!

  • gmwilliams profile image

    Grace Marguerite Williams 

    7 years ago from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York

    To Earth Angel: Excellent hub! For centuries, especially in the Judeo-Christian culture, a very sexual person was not considered relgious because Judeo-Christian ethos dictates very rigid sexual roles. However, in this new century, people are abandoning the Judeo-Christian religious code for a more individualized spirituality. Intelligent and aware people are realizing that a person can be highly sexual and spiritual.

  • Earth Angel profile imageAUTHOR

    Earth Angel 

    7 years ago

    Blessings to you Neil!

    Thank you so much for your supportive comment! I wrote this Hub so long ago I had to go back and read what I had written! Yes, I still give the same advice today!

    I look forward to seeing/reading you around the Hub'hood!

    Blessings always, Earth Angel!

  • Neil Sperling profile image

    Neil Sperling 

    7 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

    Love your closing statement - In short, sexuality without spirituality can be an empty, albeit pleasurable, act. Spirituality without the awareness of earthly delights can be just as empty.

  • profile image

    Lorenzo 

    8 years ago

    Sorry to say that your ideas of what we should be thinking is a bit confused. Yourself does not know what is spirituality and what is there to confuse about sex and spirituality. One is not of this world the other is the manifestation of the flesh. The world of the senses is not the world of the spirit( spirituality comes from spirit) the two areas do not mix. It is true that ycan only give what you have and your thinking tells me that you are confused about spirituality and you try to locate your sexuality where does not belong. If you want to be an angelo of light you must know the light your self. To me you seem confused and yet you are a coach for 20 years. How many have you decived? Soryy I had to say what seems to me a cheeo common sens more then true wisdom.

  • treasuresyw profile image

    treasuresyw 

    8 years ago from Savannah, GA

    Great lens. Because of so many different things people don't know what their boundary is. I say, be wise and only you can answer that. Peace

  • Earth Angel profile imageAUTHOR

    Earth Angel 

    10 years ago

    Thank you qlcoach Gary!!

    I appreciate the compliments from another author and a therapist!! It is nice to meet like-minded people helping others as a part of their life calling!!

    I look forward to reading you Hubs!

    Blessings always, Earth Angel!

  • qlcoach profile image

    Gary Eby 

    10 years ago from Cave Junction, Oregon

    Good advice and excellent coaching skills. Thanks for sharing this stimulating lens! For me, spirituality is about maintaining the balance between the mind, body, and spirit. It has nothing to do with religion. I also describe it as the process of going into the Light within. Feel free to see how I try to help others in new ways too. Sincerely: Gary Eby, author and therapist.

  • Earth Angel profile imageAUTHOR

    Earth Angel 

    10 years ago

    Thank you for the support and lovely comments!! I must confess I was kind of "testing the waters" with this Hub to see how it was received!! In actuality, I write and coach in greater depth with nothing held back!! I wasn't sure where to draw the line as I know children sometimes visit HubPages!! Blessings, Earth Angel!!

  • profile image

    Spiffy 

    10 years ago

    A well-written hub. The link between spirituality and sexuality is mentioned occasionally, but there are certainly diverse views on how this link should influence behaviour and attitudes. It seems to me that people are not considering this link to be important enough. I am very pleased that you chose this topic. Thanks for leaving a comment and introducing yourself to me Earth Angel. I will consider this topic as well. Thanks for reintroducing it to my mind.

  • soni2006 profile image

    Rajinder Soni 

    10 years ago from New Delhi, India

    whole marks to you for creating such a nice hub Earth Angel. Thanks for the comment you posted on my hub.

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