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Abigail (How Dumb People Commit Murder)

Updated on June 2, 2011

What To Do With A Bitch

            I want to be like Abigail!  Abigail is pretty!  And Abigail wears nice clothes!  Her hair is always perfect!  My hair does whatever it wants!  I’m not so pretty and my clothes are several years old!  But I have a figure like a dump truck so maybe that’s not so bad! 

            I work with Abigail in an office!  I have my own cubicle!  Abigail has a bigger cubicle because she’s more important!  She looks at the reports I write and decides whether or not they’re any good!  She gets a very serious look on her face when she isn’t happy with my work!  She’d better be careful!  It might freeze like that!

            Earlier today Abigail said my work wasn’t any good!  Not good at all!  Terrible!  She said I had to do it all over again before I left for the day!  And she had a very snotty tone in her voice when she said it!  Then she turned on her four inch heels and swung her silk wrapped ass back over to her cubicle! 

            I was very upset!  I had worked very hard and spent most of the day on that report!  I thought it was an excellent report!  Now I had to do it over!  Bitch!  I’d have to work late!  Miss dinner!  I didn’t want to miss dinner or work late!  I’d rather eat and watch TV!  I also had no idea how to make the report better!  That was my best work!  I think Abigail set the bar too high! 

            Abigail parks in the parking garage under the office building!  She has a nice car!  A Lexus!  It’s new!  I don’t have a car!  I take the bus!  I have to walk five blocks from the bus stop to my apartment building every day after work!  Sometimes it’s dark when I walk home from the bus stop so I carry a metal bat with me!  Bad people can hurt you if you’re walking in the dark!  Nobody messes with me when they see my bat!

            At five o’clock Abigail switched off her computer, picked up her purse, walked past my cubicle and said, “Goodnight!  Have fun!”

            I’ll have fun!  I waited until the elevator doors closed and then took my bat from under my desk and headed for the stairs!  I ran down the stairs!  Sometimes I jumped over a couple of them!  But I got to that garage before Abigail!  I spotted her car and hid behind the car parked next to it!  I heard Abigail’s heels clicking on the concrete!  When she reached her door and pulled out her key, I jumped out and hit her with the bat on her shoulder!  Hard!  I actually meant to hit her in the head but I think I was overexcited because I missed!  Oh well!  Abigail fell against her car and looked up at me!  She looked confused!  Abigail didn’t think I had any initiative!  She had told me that once!  Think again, Abigail!

            Now Abigail looked scared!  I raised the bat up as she tried to turn away from me so I caught her in the back of her head this time!  Then I hit her one more time for good measure!  She stopped moving!  She was a mess!  Not so pretty now, Abigail!

            Now someone else would have to do Abigail’s job!  Her cubicle would be open!  I could be like Abigail!  I could have a silk wrapped ass and be a bitch! 

            Oh dear, that look froze on her face!


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    • Attani profile image

      Attani 6 years ago from Silicon Valley

      Interesting how different people view things. :)

      Thanks Dean!

    • cheaptrick profile image

      cheaptrick 6 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      I don't often comment,usually just rate,but this was to good to just rate.Loved it,well written and funny funny funny!Thanks


    • profile image

      Ugogirl 6 years ago

      "oh dear that look froze on her face" lol!