ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Abigail (How Dumb People Commit Murder)

Updated on June 2, 2011

What To Do With A Bitch

            I want to be like Abigail!  Abigail is pretty!  And Abigail wears nice clothes!  Her hair is always perfect!  My hair does whatever it wants!  I’m not so pretty and my clothes are several years old!  But I have a figure like a dump truck so maybe that’s not so bad! 

            I work with Abigail in an office!  I have my own cubicle!  Abigail has a bigger cubicle because she’s more important!  She looks at the reports I write and decides whether or not they’re any good!  She gets a very serious look on her face when she isn’t happy with my work!  She’d better be careful!  It might freeze like that!

            Earlier today Abigail said my work wasn’t any good!  Not good at all!  Terrible!  She said I had to do it all over again before I left for the day!  And she had a very snotty tone in her voice when she said it!  Then she turned on her four inch heels and swung her silk wrapped ass back over to her cubicle! 

            I was very upset!  I had worked very hard and spent most of the day on that report!  I thought it was an excellent report!  Now I had to do it over!  Bitch!  I’d have to work late!  Miss dinner!  I didn’t want to miss dinner or work late!  I’d rather eat and watch TV!  I also had no idea how to make the report better!  That was my best work!  I think Abigail set the bar too high! 

            Abigail parks in the parking garage under the office building!  She has a nice car!  A Lexus!  It’s new!  I don’t have a car!  I take the bus!  I have to walk five blocks from the bus stop to my apartment building every day after work!  Sometimes it’s dark when I walk home from the bus stop so I carry a metal bat with me!  Bad people can hurt you if you’re walking in the dark!  Nobody messes with me when they see my bat!

            At five o’clock Abigail switched off her computer, picked up her purse, walked past my cubicle and said, “Goodnight!  Have fun!”

            I’ll have fun!  I waited until the elevator doors closed and then took my bat from under my desk and headed for the stairs!  I ran down the stairs!  Sometimes I jumped over a couple of them!  But I got to that garage before Abigail!  I spotted her car and hid behind the car parked next to it!  I heard Abigail’s heels clicking on the concrete!  When she reached her door and pulled out her key, I jumped out and hit her with the bat on her shoulder!  Hard!  I actually meant to hit her in the head but I think I was overexcited because I missed!  Oh well!  Abigail fell against her car and looked up at me!  She looked confused!  Abigail didn’t think I had any initiative!  She had told me that once!  Think again, Abigail!

            Now Abigail looked scared!  I raised the bat up as she tried to turn away from me so I caught her in the back of her head this time!  Then I hit her one more time for good measure!  She stopped moving!  She was a mess!  Not so pretty now, Abigail!

            Now someone else would have to do Abigail’s job!  Her cubicle would be open!  I could be like Abigail!  I could have a silk wrapped ass and be a bitch! 

            Oh dear, that look froze on her face!


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Attani profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from Silicon Valley

      Interesting how different people view things. :)

      Thanks Dean!

    • cheaptrick profile image


      7 years ago from the bridge of sighs

      I don't often comment,usually just rate,but this was to good to just rate.Loved it,well written and funny funny funny!Thanks


    • profile image


      7 years ago

      "oh dear that look froze on her face" lol!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)