About Communication - What Does It Say About Your Marriage?
About Communication in Your Marriage
How is the communication in your marriage? What is it about communication anyway... does it matter that much?
When I was a young teenager, a doctor once told me that couples don't talk that much, and that was what marriage was like. I thought even then that there was more to marriage than a quiet co-habitation, that being married involved a closer connection than that.
So, what does communication say about your marriage? My belief is that when a couple can talk about almost anything and share their feelings and dreams with each other, they have a good foundation for building a strong, intimate, loving marriage.
When each spouse can give the other their undivided attention, and listen with understanding, they validate and honor the other. This requires active listening, which means that they are listening to the other person without thinking of what they are going to say next or trying to find a solution when one isn't required. And yes, this takes time, not huge amounts of time, but some at least. This means making time for one another and not being so busy with our 'own thing,' or work, or family - our children or extended. It means working together and building a sense of teamwork, of heading in the same direction, and the only way to find that out is by talking.
One of the biggest challenges a couple faces therefore - is communication.
Here is a light-hearted illustration of communication in a marriage:
A new husband goes to work while his honeymoon bride stays at home and takes care of the baby when their first-born arrives. Now, some-one cleverly estimated that a guy uses about 28,000 words a day while a gal uses approximately 32,000 a day.
Now our guy has been at work all day and has used up some 25,600 of his words for the day while his little lady at home has used maybe 7,000 talking to her mother and friends in between doing the housework and taking care of the baby. He's mostly talked out and may not even feel the need to use his remaining 2,400, so he comes home looking forward to dinner, some TV and going to bed. She, on the other hand, has still got some 25,000 words to use and they are waiting for him when he gets home.
They have a quiet evening together... lovely dinner, watch a little TV and then, they go to bed. As he is beginning to drift off, his wife whispers in his ear, "Are you awake?"
If he is a wise husband, he will be, or there will be some 50,000 words waiting for him tomorrow night!
Do the maths, in less than ten years time there will be enough words to fill an entire library!
But as we all know, sometimes this is not the case. The words dry up. Sometimes, there are no words left. Many divorced couples say that the reason they got a divorce was that they had nothing left to talk about anymore.
Loving your wife or husband, means building good communication. What is it about communication that makes or breaks a relationship?
Love listens even when there is not much of interest to hear; the point is that it is our lover sharing it. It listens because only when each person has been heard and validated, do they feel cherished and loved.
How about your communication? Do you feel loved, or ignored? How will you change it if your communication is not that good?