- Gender and Relationships
Abstinence - Preserving Sexual Intelligence
You Can Run. But You Can't Hide.
It's everywhere. It's taken over the airways, constantly blasted on radio stations, and parades the cover of every magazine. Sex. When people think about sex, it doesn't seem so highly regarded, does it? In fact, for some it's not really a big deal. Because we have hormones, some conclude that God wouldn't put in our nature the ability to do something, yet set parameters around it. But would He? I believe He would. Could it be that sex in all it's splendor, being an act created by God, is used as a tool to represent something on a larger scale? Possibly. But if so, what? Children. Family. Love. Possibly all this and much more.
I'm In Love So Why Can't I Have It?
Society wants us to believe that as long as sex rests within the confines of love and desire, there should be no moral objections to it. But the objection has nothing to do with being in love. It has to do with the time frame. See, opening ourselves up emotionally and physically outside of a marriage covenant is like standing on shaky ground. At any time an earthquake can hit. And I'm not just referring to unplanned pregnancies. But for what other reason do we create devices to protect the consequences of decisions if not to rebel against a belief we refuse to accept as our own.
So we choose to practice premarital sex simply because we can. Using our moral freedoms does provide great advantages. But the responsiblity it holds also leaks unpredicable consequences. Aside from children and std's what else am I referring to? I'll list my top five.
1. Emotional Confusion
When we decide to give ourselves away sexually it's like a whole new world opens up. We see the person differently. We see life differently and here comes all these other feelings we've never experienced towards this person up until now. If we're not careful, we can get sucked in the compatibility trap. The one that goes like "It seems the only thing we have in common is great sex."
Also now that sex is involved, it becomes incredibly difficult to separate what we feel for someone emotionally vs. sexually. They become intertwined. When this happens, we may title it love but what is really happening is that we're actually in love with the way he/she makes us feel and the things we want keep us around. There's an actual tite for that. It's called lust. But we become so emotionally confused that we title every relationship we've ever had as one being filled with love.
2. Mixed-Up Priorities
When sex becomes the main factor in a relationship, it receives the prime focus. Before long, you can have a relationship that's unbalanced and insists upon the foundation of attraction and orgasms to feed its lifeline. Think about it. Ever felt sexual rejection due to weight gain or some other change in your appearance? Do you think that someone who requires you to stay looking a certain way in order for them to love you really does love you? Someone who wants you know that you are who you are no matter how you change. They'll give you the support to become your best and love you while you do it..
In many instances once premarital sex has take place, insecurity sets in. Insecurities come in different phases and different stages. It doesn't have to be about looking great. However there is more of a need to be on top of your game when it comes to looking nice. You can also feel insecure about sex performance and begin doing things slightly out of your character, but what you feel would be well worth the tradeoff for keeping your lover satisfied.
Another type of insecurity is one dealing with fear. Sex has the power to emotionally attach. When this takes place the thought of someone walking out of your life at any given time is frighening. So whatever you need to do to keep that fear from become a reality is more than fair in your book.
We want to believe that we can trust people with our love. Even if the person exhibited absolutely no self control around us, we'll defend what we want to be true no matter what. Okay, I know I'm really stretching it on this one. Because I'm not saying that if you decide to sleep with your boyfriend/girlfriend before getting married then he/she will most certainly cheat on you. But what I am saying is that if you are both willing to endure the struggles of self control for the sake of something sacred and special, then the confidence you'd have in trusting someone who revered sex after marriage as the ultimate prize is, would be one nearly impossible to break.
5. Tainted Love Making
It's been said that once you start dating someone, you shouldn't dive too deeply into the past. Like inquiring about the number of past lovers. I might have to agree. The night may not end well after a conversation like that. But think about this, the more lovers you have, the more you have to alter your ideal love match. For example, let's say you've had over 50 partners while your date has only slept with 15. You may begin to wonder if this person is suitable for you in bed. Everything else about the person is immediately ruled out because of lack of sexual experience. While it is possible that someone who's had many partners can still appreciate the art of making love, acts that make it worth while may be under appreciated like kissing, fondling or cuddling. The more sexual partners we add to the list, the more tainted we become.
There are many more reasons than the ones I've listed as to why waiting until marriage is a good idea to have sex even if you've already been having sex. Having sex because you think you'll lose someone if you don't (pressure), you're in love and about to be married, or even because the four-play has gone too far and you think it's too late to stop are not reasons to validate premarital sex. Really think about what you want and if you carry them out, be wiling to accept whatever follows. Also always know that it's never too late to wait.