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Abused Women should they face jail time?

Updated on March 2, 2012
It can happen to anyone..
It can happen to anyone..

Abused Women with Children

OK, so here is the topic. Imagine for a second a women you know who has children and she left they guy she was with because he abused her. She seeks classes to educate herself on domestic violence. GREAT. Then suddenly she is dating again and finds a guy she is almost instantly attracted too, they have wonderful chemistry, and he seems very charming. Then awhile later you find out that she has isolated herself and when you see her you notice how paranoid she is to spend time with you. You go to her house one evening and hear the children crying and her screaming. You walk inside to find her with a black eye and bleeding from her nose. You advice her to leave him and call the police. Instead a few weeks later you find out she has accepted to marry him. So do you think women who have children and experienced previous abuse before should they face jail time if they refuse to leave a guy who is abusing them in front of their children? I write this blog understanding the painful and evil scars abuse leaves behind. I'm understanding of the first time it happens to someone, them not knowing what to do especially when you have children (either from him or in general). I'm talking about women who are fully aware they can get help and support. The ones that know the cycle of abuse and how it effects their children. Yet they do nothing to help themselves or their children, instead they protect this new guy and worse some even marry him. To me its like being aware that this guy is a murderer and yet they still say he is innocent. Before you answer the question lets explore the facts of women in abusive relationships more in depth.

The ugly truth
The ugly truth

Domestic Violence (The Secret)

Hundreds of thousands new case reports of women being abused happen yearly. That makes up for 100's of cases a day, happening right now. That means almost 3 out of 10 women you meet either have been abused before or is being abused. These women who are first time victims have no idea how serious this really is. The black eyes, broken nose, arms, etc is not sometimes enough for these women to look at themselves and ask why am i allowing this? The men who abuse them lay a foundation of toxic emotions that destroys the woman's mind frame from the inside. She says to herself "he is so good to me, its my fault that i make him so mad" , or "Look at me, no else will love me or put up with me." All of these thoughts make the bruises seem not so bad in comparison. This is the foundation of abuse. Then the abuser builds on the rest, he makes sure you don't reach out to any of friends or family. He says "They are jealous of us" or if she went out, accuses her of being with someone else, makes her feel guilty saying she is inscure about the relationship if she needs validation from anyone. All these things he says with intense anger because he knows if she reaches out her eyes will be open and she will see the truth about him. After that is built, the secret abuse begins. I call it a secret because the woman no matter how bad the beatings just won't tell anyone. Some of them won't even go to the hospital. They cover the bruises, and continue on living a lie. Some are afraid they will be judged harshly and blamed. Then sometimes the unexpected happens and they get pregnant by him, they experience the fear a lot worse than most women do when finding out. They wonder if they should tell him? Will he get mad and beat her worse? Should they just get rid of the baby? Will the beatings stop? No matter the answer (If she keeps the baby, or doesn't miscarry) lets say the baby comes into the world. She now feels she has to be with him because being a single mother isn't an ideal world. A hard reality. The beatings continue, in fact they get worse, because he has more excuses to blame her for. Instead of it being a joyous time she is left cleaning up blood from her clothes and the ones that spilled onto the baby's clothes. Years and years go by and many emergency hospitalization occurs. Being beat near to death some actually wish they had died. It just becomes a dark secret she kept for years.

Domestic violence and children

Seeking help and Signs of Abuse

So with so many stories being reported daily of abuse why don't these women seek help? Sometimes its fear of being labeled, sometimes they are not aware of the resources and don't know where to turn. Sometimes they are afraid the person who is abusing them will find out and kill them. So here is a link with some warning signs of someone being abused, i have taken this link from WebMD.

If you know someone who is experiencing signs of being abused and want to know what you can do to help you can call (this is the national domestic violence abuse hotline)

1−800−799−SAFE(7233) orTTY 1−800−787−3224.

or check out this link (also national domestic violence hotline website)

Facing Jail Time

Do you think that women who accept going to different men who abuse them should face jail time?

See results

In conclusion

Their is so many cases and families left without a mother or father because of domestic violence. The stories end so badly and suddenly, the father killed the mother and now he is in prison. How can these children have normal lives? The point i'm trying to make is that as a woman if you have suffered from domestic violence and overcome that I'm proud of you but don't put yourself in that situation again. Think of your children (most important) and yourself. The bitter truth is i'm aiming this blog at women who like the feeling of being abused. They seem to think if a man beats them then he loves them more than a man who doesn't. This is so disturbing to me that i felt i needed to blog about this. I want to address these women who put their own emotions before the welfare of there children. Like i said i'm not singling out those who have been abused and changed their lives around.


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    • Mistressoflove profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Rhode Island

      Yes they do deserve better and you do too. I really wish their was away I could do more to educate the youth on abuse. I'm looking into that. I want to help people understand they are not alone. Even people who seem to have it all can and sometimes are abused. Abuse doesn't discriminate.

    • louiseelcross profile image

      Louise Elcross 

      6 years ago from UK

      I agree something needs to be done. One of my partners abused me from the age of 14 but I was abused long before that. If only we could reach out and increase self-esteem. What I needed when I was abused was for someone to say, 'You do not have to put up with this!' 'You are worthy of better'. No one ever told me that so I did not know for many years that I deserved more. There must be so many who think that they dont deserve better when they truly do.

    • Mistressoflove profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago from Rhode Island

      Thank you for commenting on the hub. I also agree with you that it should be taught in school. I actually asked this question because i spoke with a 14 year girl who had seen so much abuse. Her mother who she had grown resentment for seemed to just 'let it happen' and she couldn't understand why. she had wished her mother had been put away in a home somewhere far away so she couldn't be beat anymore. That's what inspired me to write this hub. To be a voice. To ask the difficult question. again thank you for the comment and letting me know your feelings. :)

    • louiseelcross profile image

      Louise Elcross 

      6 years ago from UK

      You have explained domestic violence very well here. I was in two abusive relationships. I had been brought up in a very violent household and knew no different. You are right, these days the information is out there. In my day it was not. I believed my childhood had a lot to do with me getting into abusive relationships. 'Difficult beginnings'. My children were my life but I did not know how to change things. I needed teaching, not sending to prison. We need to teach children in school about self-esteem for abuse to stop. Thanks for this interesting hub.


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