- Gender and Relationships
Abusive Relationships Can Kill You
Being in an abusive relationship can kill your spirit and waste your time. You can end up feeling like you're trapped with no one to turn to. An abuser doesn't want you to have a life, or any friends. Abusers are really insecure people who put you down and trap you to feel in control and to make themselves feel better.
They can be very manipulative, making you feel and believe things that are not true about yourself and others so that they can control you. Being in an abusive relationships is no fun. If he's telling you what to wear, how to act, calls you names, puts you down, forces you to do things that you don't want to do or makes you stop talking to your friends, you are in an abusive relationship.
You might think you can change him over time, but you can't. People, especially men, don't change. If anything it only gets worse. It may start with just put downs, insults, then it can turn to sexual abuse and physical abuse. I've known a few women who have been in abusive relationships. They end up feeling empty afterward and not alive. They feel like they are living for their partners, not for themselves.
Here's one girl's story:
"I met Jack about 6 years ago. He told me I was the prettiest girl he's ever been with. He bought me so many presents, and told me he would treat me like a queen. There was something weird about him though. I could feel it in my gut. I just tried ignoring it because he gave me so much attention. I thought he could be the one.
After awhile he started putting me down, criticizing me all the time. I didn't do this and that right. I couldn't clean well. I wasn't perfect. He wasn't going to marry me because I couldn't sexually do what he wanted. And he started becoming really mean. He would leave me home alone will he went to his friends house. By this time, I didn't have any friends to go to because he text them from my phone telling them to stay away from me. He manipulated me into believing they weren't really my friends, and I believed him for awhile.
I became so miserable that I wanted to die.
I would cry at night when I couldn't get ahold of him. I never caught him cheating, but had my suspicions. He always tried to convince me that everyone would cheat on me. That I was gaining weight and that I was lucky I was with him because any other guy would cheat.
That made me insecure about my looks and my weight and made me more depressed. This guy, who told me I was perfect at the beginning. The most beautiful girl in his eyes he told me was getting fat and ugly to him. I was heartbroken. He also started comparing me to his friends' girlfriends saying if I was like this person or that... I knew his friends' girlfriends and they were sluts who flirted with everyone and his friends were man whores who cheated on them. It all made me sick.
The whole time I was too afraid to leave because he made my self esteem so low with his put downs. He told me I was worthless. There were days and nights where I didn't want to get out of bed. Then I would break up with him for a week or two, stay in bed the whole time, while he was partying with his whore friends. Then after he would be done with them, bored, maybe the girls who he was flirting with weren't all that to him anymore, he started stalking me. Sending me texts wanting to talk again. Sending me gifts. I finally broke down and talked to him again.
At first, he would be good again. Then after awhile he started being mean and controlling again. This horrible cycle went on for years. Still, I waited for things to change because I believed in people changing and things working out. I'm still in it. It has gotten better in some ways, worse in others. I don't know if I can deal with it anymore. I don't think I even trust him at all anymore. It all makes me sick."
She's still in the same situation wondering if she should leave....