Accepting someone for who they are
I am me!
Coming to accept and understand
I had learned from an early age that we should always treat others with kindness and respect. If we wish to find true happiness we need to always exercise tolerance and complete acceptance of ourselves and all those who are a part of our life and it doesn't matter if we just met for the first time. It is something my parents taught me and it is the right way to live your life. Sadly there is a lot of hatred and intolerance in the world. This has to change if we want to assure those who are different from the so called "norm" a chance to live and be happy and comfortable with themselves. No one has a right to judge someone else for being different. I have an autistic son who is one of the sweetest kids I know because he is empathetic and very understanding and he always tries to comfort someone when they are hurting. He is an awesome kid and I don't just say that because I am his father. I say it because it is true and it is genuine. Every-time I ask my son what he wants to do when he grows up he says he wants to make the world a better place to live where everyone is kind and accepting and there is no such thing as hatred. He has a vision that we all should stand together and never judge but to accept diversity and be grateful for it. He also wishes to be a super hero so he can make the world a safer place. I am so impressed with how he speaks and acts so mature for his age.
He struggles with autism and has difficulty in social situations and is always trying to reach out for a friend. I am trying with all my heart and soul to help my son but I am not perfect. I have my own issues and weaknesses which I have struggled with since I was just a little kid and I struggle with the same issues which have plagued me for what is a lifetime for me. I have a condition that is not so easily understood by others but for me it is very real, very painful and it is a very big part of my life. I have only two choices in dealing with my gender dysphoria, transition or not to transition and lose my will to go on. These two choices are diametrically opposed to each other and I know in my mind, my heart and my soul what I need to do. My choice really is no choice. It is something I have to do. I must transition! I knew it since I was an 11 year old. I remember dreaming I could take a magic pill, wash it down with milk and a couple of oreo cookies, my absolute favorite and go to sleep. When I would awake I would be transformed into a girl in a pretty dress and I would finally feel happy and true to myself.
I have found a way to positively introduce my family to my transgender issues and live my life for now as a female at home. I am quite some time away from fully transitioning but that is something I have to do if I am to survive my torment. I think about my transgender everyday from when I awake to when I go to sleep and it never ever goes away. It is something I have tried my best to live with and the crossdressing is a way for me to live and find my inner peace. The crossdressing is not the complete answer because gender dysphoria goes far deeper than just the dressing. It is how I identify and I truly identify as a female and have always since I was just 4 years old and I have very vivid memories of a little boy crying feeling all alone and wishing he were a girl. That little boy was me and I still am that little boy with the same need and desire to live as I should have all along. I need to find an inner peace and accept myself for who I am. I have finally made very difficult decisions but in my heart I know they are the right ones for me. They may not be for others but I have been living my life for others and never for me and I now have to start living my life for me.
I have a need to finally come to terms with my situation and move forward with the intentions of finally coming out and liberating myself from the confinement I have felt all along. I am now like a budding flower waiting to blossom and finally live as I was supposed to all along. I do not want to die! I want to live and finally be me. I want to forge a loving and caring relationship with my son who means the world to me and I hope and pray that my wife will finally understand what I am going through and accept me for me. I am a good person and I want to keep my family close to me until the day I die. I want to take care of them and I want to finally be happy while doing it and my happiness will come when I start my transition and find acceptance and tolerance from all those important in my life including my family, my friends, my employer and my co-workers.
I have always been a painfully shy person so I have difficulties in speaking face to face with people but I am getting better at it. I feel my coming out is very important and I need to do it in a way that comes from my heart and is truly genuine. I have agonized over this for years wondering how I was going to finally break and find my only choice was to open up and let others in my life know what is going on with me. I needed to be sincere and do it in a way that shows my honesty and my pain. I have a pain that has never gone away. I have had many great things happen in my life and one of my proudest was the birth of our son and our wedding day. I love my wife and I promise her I will always be there for her, Matty and my mother-in-law. I just need to be happy and comfortable with myself and the only way I will be is when I finally move forward with my transition from male to female.
I know the sadness my son feels because I lived with my sadness for 47 years and I finally can feel a little bit easier as I am getting all the help I need now from my family, my therapist, my doctors, my friends and me. I finally took proper action and am following through this time because I am getting older and feel I have a limited time horizon and this will be my absolute last opportunity as I am now in my early fifties. I lost my mom when she was only 50 in a very tragic way and I lost my dad in a very tragic way and I lost my closest friend who died in his sleep at the tender age of 40. I need to find my happiness now so I can be supportive of my family and most especially my son who needs me and as my therapist says will come to understand me for me and learn to love me as I love him. He is my biggest supporter and I am so very lucky for having him and my wife in my life. I can not apologise for the way I am and I don't believe I have to. I just need to let people know that we all should accept others for who they truly are and we should never judge them harshly or condemn them.
We all are special and we all need to be true to ourselves and most of all we should all find our true happiness and my true happiness is finally being the girl I always known I was since the age of 4 years old. It has been a long painful road for me and finally I am pleased to say my personal journey now continues with a new chapter to add. My transition from male to female and my overwhelming desire to be the strong support in my son's life which will be my mission so he can find friends and be happy with himself. I am not autistic but I know pain and I know my son has his own pain too and I want to ease his pain and always be there for him because I love him from the bottom of my heart and that will never change. I also love my wife and I am lucky to know she cares for me and wants me to find my happiness as I want her to find hers as well. She is a wonderful mother to our son and she is very devoted to helping him and helping those who are autistic. She is very special and that is why I love her so much. I will stay by her and Matty's side for they are the two most important people in my life. They are my family. I also include my mother-in-law in the same way. She understands me, accepts me for me and she loves Matty with all her heart. She is a very loving grandma and we are so blessed to have her in our life.
On a personal note, I had the wonderful liberating experience of going out fully dressed in a cute dress, a nice cover up sweater and flats with a wig that framed my face nicely and I was accompanied by my son and a very special friend who accepts me and knew of my situation since I first told him over 20 years ago. My son also accepts me and I am so very proud of him. I will be there to help him and support him always. We went to see Spiderman and we had the most amazing time and then we went to Friendly's and I was accepted and received nicely and even received a complement on my dress. I was so very happy to finally be out and expressing the real me with my son and my very good friend. This is so important for me as my therapist says it is absolutely necessary and it will help me to finally find my way and to finally be at peace with who I am. I want to feel accepted and understood and I just want to be me! I have come to accept who I am and I accept my son and encourage him to find his happiness and to live his life to be the best he can be. I accept others for who they are and I always have and I know in my heart that everything will all come together and life will one day resume back to normal.
Edward D. Iannielli III
Transgender, Parenting and Hope
My Transgender Life in my own words
Transgender, Autism and me!
My view on being transgender
My Life and being Transgender
- Gender Dysphoria - NHS Choices
Gender Dysphoria is a feeling of mismatch between anatomical sex and gender identity. Some people with gender dysphoria are transsexual people. Learn more about diagnosis and treatment, which can include hormone treatment and surgery.