ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Relationship Problems & Advice

"Accidental," Extra-marital Love

Updated on August 30, 2009

The accidental lover

One of the most often cited reasons for failed marriages is both tragic and avoidable. many of the subjects who cheat on a spouse justify the infidelity by blaming a spouse who no longer pays any attention or shows an interest in the mate. People do not have to cheat but some say it is unavoidable.

Sometimes the spouse will agree that the marriage had hit a rough spot, while others were completely in the dark. In other words, they didn't have a clue.

"It wasn't planned, or it was a total accident I fell in love with someone outside of my marriage. It just couldn't be helped." When a group of non-cheating mates was asked if they might accidentally meet another lover, the answer was a resounding no! Even if they considered the marriage going through a brief hard spell, each of the non-cheating group reported they would not seek out another mate.

The reason? Most of the respondents replied that they are already in love, had never considered another lover, and doubted they would do so even if the marriage were to fail.

It seems that those who had cheating in their heart could easily blame their changing commitment to another as a mere "accident." Love is more dependent on the whims of life than on any commitment to another through marriage. An argument or a brief rough spot in the marriage was enough to set off the "unhappy at home," response. This was all that was needed to set the mate off looking for a new love interest.

Strongly commited mates are there through thick and thin. the notion of finding someone else, even "accidentally, is not even considered. Even illness and other losses do not sway the vows of true love.

Those who will cheat are bound to cheat. whatever justification or rationale they employ is used to make the cheating ok in their own minds. Often the hurt mate will take back the errant mate, believing the accidental story because they cannot believe they would cheat without provocation. Sadly, the pattern once begun will most often continue until the wronged mate can take no more and can't wait for a divorce.

A strong commitment between lovers is a beautiful thread that holds relationships and underlying romance together. That is why it is so devastating when one partner claims to have accidentally cheated on a lover.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • yssubramanyam profile image

      yssubramanyam 5 years ago from india, nellore. andhrapradesh

      a cheat is always clever in this subject. good hub.

    • profile image

      hrsycp 7 years ago

      My wife cheated on me stating "it just happened" we got divorced and she never has the kids overnight. She is more like a aunt than a mother. This seems to hold true for most cheaters. They want there freedom back to do what they want until they find out "the grass isn't greener on the other side". Usually too many bridges have been burned by the time they realize this and it's too late.

    • profile image

      dracaslair 7 years ago

      i gave up on men so i wouldnt have to deal with that type of drama.always some cheating or abuseing someone out there.

    • profile image

      Eivets 8 years ago


    • solarcaptain profile image

      mike king 8 years ago from california

      Bleu, I am neither judging nor cursing you, merely stating what I thing to be true, based on experience over the years.

      I know too, that there is alot of pain involved and that it is unavoidable. There are almost always more loved ones involved than just the two who are having the affair. I wish you well and thank ypu for posting.

    • profile image

      bleu 8 years ago

      I've been with the same man for almost 20 years and not once did I cheat on him..until a few months back. I am sure I wasn't looking, and I've been reflecting on why I even fell in love with someone else, and you can curse me all you want but I really don't think this is because something is missing in my marriage.

    • solarcaptain profile image

      mike king 8 years ago from california

      Mr. Great american, I think they calll those angels, cheaters took, just like the men. women are catching up with men in the cheating department. Almost as many women now report having cheated on a husband as there are husbands cheating on their wives. Too many think the grass is greener. It just looks that way. all grass is pretty much the same, don't you think?

    • solarcaptain profile image

      mike king 8 years ago from california

      We all know serial cheaters, the lies, broken dreams and hearts and futures destroyed by those who cannot or will not stay true to their vows of fidelity.

      Even those not married, by their stated love for one another and living together have recorded silent vows of fidelity, expected by the other to be kept.

      whatever excuse, such as "it was an accident" cannot conceal that a terrible breach of faith has occured. Few marriages can stand up to this kind of pressure and divorce or separation occurs.

    • greatAmerican profile image

      greatAmerican 8 years ago

      As a man who may have had a couple accidents in my life, I often wondered where do so many men find all these angels

      of the females gender. Seems it is always women who are cheated,but since it takes two to cheat, what do they call those women who make cheaters out of some poor married guy heading for another accident.