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"Accidental," Extra-marital Love
The accidental lover
One of the most often cited reasons for failed marriages is both tragic and avoidable. many of the subjects who cheat on a spouse justify the infidelity by blaming a spouse who no longer pays any attention or shows an interest in the mate. People do not have to cheat but some say it is unavoidable.
Sometimes the spouse will agree that the marriage had hit a rough spot, while others were completely in the dark. In other words, they didn't have a clue.
"It wasn't planned, or it was a total accident I fell in love with someone outside of my marriage. It just couldn't be helped." When a group of non-cheating mates was asked if they might accidentally meet another lover, the answer was a resounding no! Even if they considered the marriage going through a brief hard spell, each of the non-cheating group reported they would not seek out another mate.
The reason? Most of the respondents replied that they are already in love, had never considered another lover, and doubted they would do so even if the marriage were to fail.
It seems that those who had cheating in their heart could easily blame their changing commitment to another as a mere "accident." Love is more dependent on the whims of life than on any commitment to another through marriage. An argument or a brief rough spot in the marriage was enough to set off the "unhappy at home," response. This was all that was needed to set the mate off looking for a new love interest.
Strongly commited mates are there through thick and thin. the notion of finding someone else, even "accidentally, is not even considered. Even illness and other losses do not sway the vows of true love.
Those who will cheat are bound to cheat. whatever justification or rationale they employ is used to make the cheating ok in their own minds. Often the hurt mate will take back the errant mate, believing the accidental story because they cannot believe they would cheat without provocation. Sadly, the pattern once begun will most often continue until the wronged mate can take no more and can't wait for a divorce.
A strong commitment between lovers is a beautiful thread that holds relationships and underlying romance together. That is why it is so devastating when one partner claims to have accidentally cheated on a lover.