Advice for Brides
The only person who needs this advice is a Bride. And a Bride won't listen.
A Bride doesn't want you to disturb her big day mentioning how only 50% of all marriages do not end in divorce.
A Bride does not want to hear about domestic violence or adultery.
A Bride is the only person who believes that the man she is about to marry is perfect, and will never abuse or cheat on her.
A Bride is the only person who is not ready for domestic violence and/or adultery, unless her intended has begun the slapping the day the engagement ring went on her finger, or he's never been faithful to her.
Most brides were never even spoken to in a rough voice by their groom, so don't expect him to 'change'.
A Bride doesn't know that the man who makes her cry then consoles her gets pleasure out of hurting her, and that over time he will need more hurt to get pleasure.
A Bride is not going to suspect that her husband isn't 'working late', doesn't 'have to help Bob move'.
And dare you warn the Bride of the possibilities she may face, you are destroying her big day.
If one could warn the Bride not to lose her family or friends, keep her interests, be alert to changes in his behaviour...
If one could warn the Bride that her marriage isn't 'different' and that every abuser, whether he lives in Kinshasa, Kingston, or Kings County follows the same pattern, and that if she just became alert to the fact there was a pattern...
If one could warn the Bride that no matter how beautiful and good she is her husband may still fall into bed with the first female who opens her legs, and that it has nothing to do with her, because he, her beloved husband, will not be thinking of her as he rolls on soiled sheets...
But one can't.
It will spoil the Big Day.
Jumping without a Parachute
So we smile, tell her how beautiful she looks, and let her go off without warning. She's never read that 'chapter' in the 'Facts of Life'; and we know it.
We know that unless her Best Friend or relative went through a Bad Marriage sometime in the past five years, so that it's fresh enough in her mind, she is going as a lamb to the slaughter.
Some place in our souls we want to make her understand the problems, the dangers, the possibilities, so that it won't take her unaware.
But we can't.
For we will Spoil Her Big Day.