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Advice on Coming Out

Updated on June 12, 2016

When I was younger I thought that the moment I were to come out as lesbian to my mom, she would hate me with a passion. Growing up I never heard her or anyone in my family talking about anything lgbtq+ related so I think that was part of what made me feel that way. In 9th grade I was home from school super overwhelmed with having to keep this to myself. My little sister knew what I was attracted to and she didn't have a problem with it, she supported me with the decision I was trying to make (telling my mom). I started to write what I wanted to tell my mom but I sent it to my sister instead to see if it was alright. She said yes and so I sent it to my mom. I will never forget this moment. My mom replied "Is that what you wanted to tell me?" and I responded with "yes." She just said okay and I asked whether or not she was mad at me. I was kind of just waiting to get yelled at thats what I spent most of my time preparing myself for, but it never came. She said "Why would I be mad at you over this? You love who you love and if you grow up to have a wife, if it makes you happy then I am happy. You just better make me some grand kids because I want some from you whether they're adopted or from you or the women you marry." Reading those words I was so relieved and just grateful that everything turned out the way it did.

But you see it doesn't turn out this way for everyone. Sometimes it takes a while for parents to understand whats going on with their kid. In reality there isn't anything wrong with their kid, they're just finding out who they are as they get older.

If you're someone who is just learning and getting to know more of who you are and have figured out that you may like the same sex or that you may be gender fluid, etc, I highly encourage you that whenever you are ready to talk to someone about it. At first start with one person you really trust whether it's your best friend, teacher, a relative, sit down and talk to them. Tell them what you feel and what you've been finding out about yourself. Do not let anyone push you to tell your parents your anyone else if you're not ready. Always take baby steps and go at your own pace. Do not let anyone push you around and do things that you may not feel comfortable with. When you are ready to tell your parents or anyone else if you're a bit scared to tell them in person, maybe write them a letter or text them. Sometimes it's a bit easier since you don't have to feel pressured to look at them or feel things get awkward. If you are okay telling them in person but just don't know how to start the conversation off, try starting off with, you've been learning new things about yourself that you never knew were a part of you and then go on with that.

Remember to always prepare yourself for anything that may come, whether it may be good or bad. Keep an open mind at all times because sometimes it may take some time for the person being told to process what was just told to them. Sometimes they may be in denial but thats normal. Most adults grew up with the mentality that when they have kids, they were going to grow up and start an 'average' family. They most likely didn't ever think about any other possibility that could occur. Sometimes they may throw really unnecessary phrases at you like "its just a phase" or "you're confused." Although it isn't the right thing for someone to do, don't try to fight back because it may just cause an uproar. If it keeps happening, tell them that it isn't what they think because you are your own person and you know yourself better than anyone else and stop there. If things get overwhelming, I advise talking to a counselor or a friend that you really trust. Getting things off your chest usually helps. Never keep things that overwhelm you to yourself. It isn't the safest thing to do.

Always keep your head up high no matter what and remember you always matter.


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