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Aggressive wife? Reasons why you should not be dominating!

Updated on October 29, 2013

I watched with fascination a talk show where the topic was about the relationship between husband and wife. There was one particular woman who was aggressively pointing out the mistakes of her husband while her poor husband watched little tongue tied. Her complaints were so innocuous but her face contorted in aggression as she went on and on in accusing her husband.

‘How does her husband tolerate her?’ my mother asked after watching the show. ‘A wife should be feminine so that her husband is attracted to her and aggression completely turns him off. The modern girls never know the beauty of being womanly and want to show off their assertiveness by locking horns with their husband. This is the reason why most marriages have lost their sheen’ she lamented in length.

I think she had a point there. The changes in the attitude of women are amazing and the way they clamor for rights in marriage is startling. It is true that you cannot be bogged down by old traditions as you have to face a competitive world. You also contribute to the well being of your family by going for work and you do deserve certain rights which were denied to your yester sisters.

Your husband should share your household work as you too have to hurry for work. You should be given equal rights in family and financial matters and you should be respected. There is nothing wrong in your expectations, but you seem to ignore certain factors which your husband dislikes in you.

Why is it that some qualities so unique to woman been shown the door by the modern women?

Signs of aggression

  • Commanding tone
  • Wants everything done your way
  • Will not listen
  • Always nagging
  • Thinking you know better than your husband
  • You create scenes

The reaction of your husband to your aggressiveness

  • Hates you inwardly
  • Wants to stay away from you
  • Feels you are totally unfeminine
  • Fears your aggression

You earn for your betterment and not to create a scene in seeking aggressive equality with your husband. Married life becomes hell when you think you have a crown in your head just because you are financially independent. When you are aggressive you question every action of your husband and he feels it demeaning. When there is a tilt of aggression in your behavior it makes your husband wary of you and he deviates mentally from you to withdraw into his shell of loneliness.

Have you seen a family where the wife is very soft natured and feminine? She attracts her husband and her care and attention towards him makes him completely dependent on her. You might argue that if you are soft natured your husband will dominate you and deny you your rights. A grave mistake! Being soft natured does not mean meekness or submissiveness. It means you have not forgone your inborn feminine qualities as you know it is the key to open your husband’s heart.

You lose your feminine beauty when you behave like a male; loud and dominating. You think that you can have your husband in your total control if you are demanding and domineering. You are elated that you have tamed him into submissive listening and when he meekly gives in to your commands you feel you have shown your power. Why do you want to control your husband by dominating him? Do you know that you lose his love when you do so? You can make him listen to you when you shower him with love and care.

Do you know what attracts your husband towards you?

It is your softness and gentleness. He listens when you talk to him reasonably. He is attracted to you when you are utterly feminine. He is totally yours when you care for him. You are his queen when you make him feel like the king of the family. He likes traditional respect which the modern husband never gets. It does not demean you in any way when you are able to give him these tiny pleasures which in turn make you influence his life in a telling way.

Do you know your aggressiveness stems from your insecure feelings about your husband? You are not sure whether he loves you and your frustration turns you into an aggressive and arguing wife. You cannot have emotional intimacy with him as you draw away from him by your unwarranted behavior. You appearance lacks feminine beauty when you scream and yell. Do you want incredibly happiness in your married life? Show certain feminine qualities to make your husband feel attracted towards you like a magnet.

© 2013 mathira


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    • profile image


      3 years ago

      Kewl you should come up with that. Exlncleet!

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      Let us be old fashioned in certain things as old values are the best for family relationships.

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      Nell, you are very true when you say that there should be a balance between being affirmative and being feminine.

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      denise, many misinterpret being soft nature as being without backbone which in reality is not. When a wife is able to mesmerize her husband with her reasonable behavior, she enjoys the trust of her husband. Thank you denise for the visit.

    • daydreamer13 profile image


      4 years ago

      I really appreciate this. So many I talk to have called me old-fashioned for sharing this same opnion. I so enjoy your writing!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      4 years ago from England

      Hi mathira, I do agree with you on these points, these days we do see equality with aggression sometimes, there should be a balance between feminine and standing our ground, great hub, voted up! nell

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      4 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      This is so true! It is sad that many women do not understand that they drive their husbands away when they are demanding and domineering. More families would be together if women realized that they have the keys in their own hands to endear their husbands to them, if they would only use them!

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      Brian, many assume that being feminine means meekness. In India where women are usually docile,they show incredible power in maintaining good family relationships in spite of the hurdles they face.

    • Brian Prickril profile image

      Brian Prickril 

      4 years ago from Savannah, GA

      Well written hub on a topic that is touchy and sometimes hard to approach. No doubt that things have changed over the generations. I am married to a very strong-willed woman. But she has her strengths and I have mine. Together we tackle life as a pretty good team.

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      Thank you rainsanmartin.

    • profile image


      4 years ago

      Who is a lady 2get d man controlled by what she utters,its not done,she's jst an helper

    • rainsanmartin profile image

      Rain San Martin 

      4 years ago from Fort Wayne

      You are spot on Mathira! There is real power when the woman restrains harsh words in exchange for a gentle spirit.

    • mathira profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago from chennai

      Chirranaga, old values still hold good to have a beautiful relationship and a meaningful marriage. Thank you for the visit.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 

      4 years ago from New Delhi, India

      I completely agree with the points you made in this hub. While I feel so good and proud to see girls being successful in every field, managing their home and jobs so efficiently, I do feel disappointed to see some of them talking aggressively and arrogantly. Education and accomplishment should make one humble and down to earth and not otherwise.

      Very nice hub with good message!


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