- Gender and Relationships
The Light of a Single Candle
"All the darkness in the world cannot put out the light of a single candle".I got that title from a fortune cookie once, believe it or not! It’s totally apropos for what is going on in many of our relationships lately. I am speaking of breakups. I am speaking of times when the two of you can no longer walk the same path. One of you may have been in the dark for years and finally decided to be the above-said candle. One of you may have come to the awareness that, even with your greatest intentions, you were still not living a life that was true to yourself. The realization of this awakening may have hit you so hard that you took drastic measures after all the years of subconsciously thinking about the long-term and short-term effects of such action.
It’s hardest trying to keep in mind that silence is not always golden. This is in relation to the lack of communication between the two parties after such a breakup has occurred and the two people had mutually decided to “stay friends.” The silence is when the talks, the phone calls, the emails get few and farther between, alluding to the fact that maybe, just maybe, it’s best NOT to “stay friends” because either one or both of you are so shell-shocked from the drastic measure that it will take some solitude and space and time to awaken to the reality of what just happened. “Staying friends” also alludes to the fact that once one of you finds another partner, it may be even MORE difficult to stay in touch due to the third party who is now part of the “relationship.” Most third parties are NOT accepting of an ex being friends with their now-current partner. That’s understandable.
Things to keep in mind during the silence and the perceived “darkness” that may surround your soul:
1) It is only “darkness” if you perceive it to be. You are and always have been a candle.
2) The “darkness” you perceive is only “surrounding” you in your mind – the “darkness” is not about who you are.
3) The silence and lack of communication is a normal state of being for those who have gone through a breakup – especially if it was a long-term relationship.
4) Remember that the lack of response from the other person does not necessarily mean they hate you or wish evil upon you. Some people love you so much that their heart may be broken when realizing that their whole future is now going to be changed because you are not part of their life anymore.
5) Some people don’t know how to react or forgive or let go very easily. It’s not because they are stubborn or “bad” or vengeful – it’s because they have been raised with a skewed sense of how relationships are “meant” to be. They haven’t necessarily learned “survival” skills or techniques that would teach them enough self-confidence to know that they are fulfilling their innate purpose by choosing to break up. Yet, in many instances, those very same people may totally understand that they are finally, finally being “true to themselves.” They didn’t cause the breakup to hurt someone else. They were just freeing themselves of an illusion from the past and choosing to finally live in empowerment, independence, and a feeling of self-worth and emotional freedom.
6) No matter who did what, or what actions were done or not done, it DOES take TWO to either make or break a relationship. Neither one is perfect, therefore, neither one is meant to take all the blame.
7) Just make sure you are responsible for your own choices. Make sure that you are doing the best you can with what you know, given your perspective of the world. Make sure you let the other person know that most of what you do is not based on who they are or what they do – that you are making the choices you make based on who you are and what you need to do to make your life work for you the best way you know how.
8) Remember that people are in our lives sometimes, for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, and if you choose not to spend the rest of your life with someone, it is okay. They were in your life for whatever period of time they needed to be and you and they will go on and continue their path with new choices, new actions, new perspectives and even new people who will also then be in your lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
9) Whenever you think of that person you love, just send blessings their way with your heart, be grateful for who they were in your life, and be even more grateful for the awareness, realization, and perspective you now have because of the influence they have brought to your life.
10) Last of all, never, ever forget that no matter where you go or what you do, as was stated above, you are a candle and since darkness has no vibration, then the “darkness” you are perceiving is only truly in your mind. You are strong, you are valuable, you are worthy of all good things, and you will go on and be fine. Just do your best to remember the good things. But don’t continually look back, because you’re not going that way!