- Gender and Relationships»
Always an Option, Never a Choice
If you want me in your life, put me there. I don’t have to fight for a spot. I’m not a back-up plan and definitely not a second choice.
I acted like it wasn’t a big deal, when in reality, it was breaking my heart.
It was so easy for him to say NO to me even he already promised the YES. When plans changes, I’m the one who will always become the option. I never felt he’d given me a little of his time to prioritize what I need, what I want from this relationship.
The love was so fresh and new. We spend some time with each other quite so often. We don’t bend and break rules for the sake of our love. Such a wonderful feeling of being in love.
When the time came that distance forbid us to see each other again, we always find a way. We took all the chances, all the free pass time gave us. No wonder I did love our love so much. It’s more than perfect.
The wheel of love was always in motion. We also have to suffer trials and problems life brings. But then, we know what to do. Just hold on, never let go and let the wheel turn again.
He kept all his promises; he kept all his words to me. I can feel how much he treasured every moment we had.
He always calls in the middle of any day just to say I love you and that he cares. He would skip hang-out sessions of his friends just to chat with me. He would say no to trips when he knows I’m sad and lonely and needed someone to wipe the silent loneliness growing inside my heart.
He’s always there...
Somehow, he grew tired of our once perfect love. But I never did. I always love our relationship more than ever. He learned how to say No to me every time I would ask him to hang-out and talk.
He would make up excuses not to be there when I needed him most. He would choose his friends rather than settle our problems; he would choose other people to be with him rather than me.
But talk about cancelled plans with them, I would be the one who will save his "planned time". It's like he only remembers me when there's nobody in the picture. I never said NO to everything he asked me even if it means giving up all my time for myself and for everybody else.
But the most painful thing was, he would promise me something and then break it over and over in front of my face. Like the time we made plans for over a year and when time comes, he would choose the other way around because someone is much important to him, someone is much special than me that he would rather break my heart than say NO to them. It's like he’s now shielding his heart to our love.
I would understand if reasons were valid but they weren't. Promises are sacred; it was made for someone to fulfil, not break. What was easy for him to do was promise, break it and say sorry.
And me? I would just cry in a corner and wipe my own tears with my own hands. Then everything would be okay again to me. You see, I would do everything for him.
I fell in love at him at first sight, waited for another 3 years to become his friend and never loved and looked for another all those times. He's my first love and hoping he would be the last.
Somehow, the pain and scars of his ruthless actions are starting to heal; but not entirely; since one time or another it will bleed again.
He never said goodbye. Why is it so easy for him to ignore me after all what we’ve gone through? Why is it so easy for him to say NO when he knows it will break my heart everytime he treats me as a back-up plan?
Is it because he knows and will always know that I would never ever leave him?
A heart wouldn’t beat forever on the same note. It will grow tired of just staying on the same line without appreciating its beat. I’ve fought so hard to protect my spot in his life but if he really wants me there, I don’t have to fight for it, right?
The perfect love we once had turned into a perfect unperfect love now. We stay this way for quite some time now; just little messages from time to time and we never see each other again personally.
I love him more than anyone, more than ever. But the wheel of love will soon start rolling again and maybe at that time, I will be able to stop it from crushing my heart.
I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.
Yeah, I know, just like seasons, people change.
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