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Am I Another 'Never Satisfied' Woman?

Updated on June 13, 2013

Volume XVI

I live in a lovely home, have the career I always wanted, married a loving and devoted wife, and have an incredible son without having to distort my body to get him. So why do I feel like I am never satisfied?

Since I was a young girl, all I could imagine ever becoming was a teacher. Though I had to defer my dream slightly to give myself more time to mature, in 2009 my dream came true. Non-certified, but with a degree in English, I thought I was going to have a hard time finding a job, but I didn't. A principal went against her superintendent and insisted that he hire me. My career in education has been full of experiences much like that. When I moved to South Carolina, I set my sights on a school; and, before the summer began, I had already secured a job for myself. This job is everything I have ever wanted. So what is wrong with me?

The Jefferson's Theme Song

After years of struggling, I can finally say that we just may be the Jones. We live in a lovely home in the suburbs, where neighbors pass and smile while walking their dogs. Our son is in a great school where he is flourishing academically and actively involved in extracurricular activities. We have investments in commodities and stock. We have savings in the bank. We both drive the cars we want and are able to happily indulge ourselves with little things we enjoy. I can't recall the last time we wanted a steak and had to settle for a burger. So what is wrong with me?

Well, I can't really answer that question. It seems that I am always just one thing away from joy. I didn't like living in Louisiana, so we relocated to South Carolina. I didn't like teaching in inner city schools, so I got a job working in the country. I didn't like my compact car, so I got an SUV. I wasn't satisfied with simply raising her son and wanted my own child, so we are planning to have a baby. But everything still leaves me feeling unsatisfied. And then I thought, it may be the one thing she can't give me that I am missing. Family.

My sisters mean the world to me, and it's very difficult missing out on their lives and their children's lives since we live so far apart. When the three of us get together, it is an amusement ride of brutal honesty, good laughs, and good food. If I should happen to miss my niece in a parade, or my sister's birthday party, or Christmas Day with my sisters I am down for days. I have tried fruitlessly to convince my wife that we should be closer to home.

As a matter of fact, I don't even know how my life became a road trip of sorts. It seemed that all was coming together for us. She was out of work and back in school for her master’s degree, but I had gotten my first teaching job a few hours away from home, so we moved- close enough to visit regularly but far enough away to maintain our sanity. I was even helping her get a job with the local police department. Then her one weekend a month, two weeks a year, part time military job became her full time career. Something in my bones told me that that wasn't for me. And I knew for certain it wasn't for her son. But I was desperately trying to be the dutiful and supportive wife. And I feel guilty for even wanting her career to end. Quite honestly, her career has afforded us a level of security neither of us has ever known together. But I don't know if this is all worth it. As we talk about growing our family, I wonder- Can I have a child who doesn't know the love of an auntie like my nieces know how much I love them? Or am I just never satisfied?

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    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      I definitely welcome all comments. I simply was expressing the roller coaster ride of emotions that came with reading it. After the initial sting, I found your honesty rather refreshing.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      AMarie Jackson, Of course I hope you know I was not trying to judge you. I was simply offering advice based upon the (question)/title of your hub which seemed to (invite) readers to (weigh in with their opinions).

      "Am I Another 'Never Satisfied' Woman?"

      My philosophy is "Life is a personal journey." However if someone asks for an opinion I've been known to share mine. LOL!

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 5 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Initially I read your response and thought, who are you to judge me. But then I thought, I put snapshots of my life on the worldwide web giving you and all others full authority to draw your own conclusions. I respect your response, thank you for reading my blog, and promise to consider all you had to say.

      But I assure you of this, the job of a military spouse is not easy.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 5 years ago

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Based upon your hub it sounds like you have been getting what you want and you find it (boring).

      There are some people who need (challenges or drama) in order to feel "alive". Maybe it's time you set some personal goals (that don't involve everyone around you having to jump through hoops). If you have the cars and the money there should be no reason why you can't visit your sisters and nieces. You could also send them money if needed so they can visit you. People tend to do what they want to.

      A marriage should be less about "You & Me" and more about "Us & We". If you keep insisting everything has to be (your way) you are going to lose your wife. A marriage is about (two lives coming together). It's time you supported your mate's dreams and goals. Any worthwhile relationship requires nurturing.