ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

An Open Letter to Those No Longer in My Life

Updated on November 18, 2015

Letting Go is Never Easy

To Those No Longer a Part of My Life,

You may think I hate you, or no longer care about what you are doing, where you are headed on whatever path you may be on. You may think that I'm still the same person I was when we parted ways. If you think this, then you would be mistaken on all counts, and any other thoughts that may have crossed your mind about me.

As with everyone, my life didn't stop when we parted, even though it may have felt that way at the time. There may have been hard feelings, or there may have been just the passage of time that created the chasm or abyss that is now between us. My life has continued to move forward, sometimes I was pushed and dragged, but it has moved forward.

I am very aware that I'm not an easy person to deal with sometimes. That is something I've understood since I was a young girl. But that can be said for most who are free spirits, and have their own way of looking at the world. But that doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it make you a bad person. It is just how we have developed on our own paths through this world, that isn't always kind or forgiving.

I used to be fearful when someone left me, and there were times when I took all the blame upon myself for a myriad of reasons. The fear I used to have would paralyze me. Now I face the fears, not with the temper tantrums of a child, but with the reasoning of a woman who knows her worth.

Fear by Blue October, this song says the feelings I'm unable to express eloquently.

Fear and doubts need to be erased, before one can move forward on any path.

My dear former friends, I don't ask for forgiveness, because forgiveness is not needed, nor is it desired. I know that last sentence sounds very self centered and callous, but when you read further perhaps some understanding may come into play. Perhaps on some level I am, but know that when I told you I would be your friend and love you unconditionally, I meant it. All I can say is that for the most part I was coming from a place of fear and doubt. I had a fear of abandonment, a fear of being unloved, a fear of not being wanted. Most of all a fear that I was destined for a life of being a doormat.

That last is not something that anyone wants to be. But at the time it seemed that no matter what I did to please others, the more I was unable to do just that, and sadly enough I was definitely not pleasing myself. The more I tried to please, the more alone I felt, the more doubts about who was true and who wasn't. The more doubts about who I was as a person plagued my consciousness.

I spent twelve years trying to please someone who will never be pleased, because they too are unhappy within themselves. I thought I could fix that, along with other things. I was in an abusive relationship. Even though the bruises couldn't be seen, they were their. The cuts went deep into the core of me, making me doubt EVERYTHING I knew about me, my children, my family and most of all my friends.

I don't ask for your forgiveness, but please know that I do apologize for my part in the hurt and the bridges that were burned and damaged.

Love can start in the most unusual of ways.

Since we last spoke, I have learned to love and accept myself. I have learned to listen more. I have learned I am strong and a force to be reckoned with when I put my mind to it. I have found that through true faith and having an idea of what my purpose may be, I have found that elusive feeling of inner peace.

It was during a very dark period in November of 2014, that I found this feeling of peace. After filing for a protective order against my ex-husband, along with modification of child support and visitation, he seemingly kept coming out ahead time after time, and nothing I did seemed to matter. The children weren't happy, and I lost my faith.

One weekend, I was deep into the dark abyss of depression and I couldn't find my way out of it. I was scared and I was grasping for a hand. In that dark abyss, someone heard my cries and took my hand. The hand that reached for me is someone I've known for a while, and understood what I was going through on the depression level, because they too are prone to depression. They also knew what I'd been going through. They listened, they stayed up with me all night talking, calming and saying the things that needed to be said. After that weekend, I slowly began to find something to be truly grateful for in every day, even if it was taking one breath, and then taking another.

I began to pray again. But not prayers of what the Creator could do for me, but being truly thankful for the pain and admitting that I didn't know what the purpose was, but that I was thankful for the faith the Creator has in me.

Not long after starting the prayers of thanks, the Creator opened the doorway for me to find the person meant for me. Unbeknownst to me at the time, he had been going through similar pains at the same time I was. When the door opened, I didn't necessarily see it, but he saw the open door and took the courage, put his hand out to me, and I took it. I've chronicled our adventures in another post, so I won't go into it here, other than to say, we truly were meant to find each other at the time we did and take our relationship to the level it is today of husband and wife.

Releasing pain, hatred and resentment, is the most freeing feeling in the world

Whether through just growing apart or through bad circumstances, know that I wish nothing but the best for you all. Nothing but love for you all. I hope you all find what you are seeking, no matter what your endeavors are. I pray that one day, when you look back, you will hopefully remember the good times we had instead of the bad.

Just know my dear former friends, that if you find you need someone to sit with you and just listen, look me up. I remember all too clearly what it's like. Even if I don't hear from you again, I want you know that you are blessed and I am thankful for the part each of you played in my life. I now know it was all leading me to where I am today. I will always be grateful for that.

Take care



    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • LEWMaxwell profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie Schock 

      3 years ago from Tulsa, Oklahoma

      Thanks Denise. Walking away from some of the relationships, whether by choice, or because of other reasons has been difficult, but with each one, I've learned and grown.

    • denise.w.anderson profile image

      Denise W Anderson 

      3 years ago from Bismarck, North Dakota

      It is hard when we have to leave relationships by no choice of our own. My husband and I have moved many times in our married life. Each time, I leave hearts and hands behind that I wish I could have taken with me. I am not one to keep long distance relationships alive. I feel that each time we have moved, I left a part of me behind. It can be an unsettling feeling, having to start over again in a new place. Your open door invitation is a great way to start!

    • LEWMaxwell profile imageAUTHOR

      Leslie Schock 

      3 years ago from Tulsa, Oklahoma

      I've learned that sometimes you have to cut off ties and contact for self preservation, but that doesn't mean you don't still care, because most of the time the problem is caring too much to the point the caring is toxic to your own well being and peace of mind. A month ago I had to cut off ties with someone because it was too painful to have them in my life anymore. Their alcohol dependency is to a point where they were cruel, disrespectful, and they don't care if they hurt others or not and sadly themselves. I did what I could for many years, but there is only so much someone can do if a person with an addiction doesn't want to help themselves. It hurt to do it, but I'm not going to walk on eggshells any longer and subject myself to being disrespected. I did that for too long, and now that I don't accept it, my life has taken a turn for the better. I may sound conceited and arrogant, but I know and am extremely grateful that I have been and am blessed by the Creator of All.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      3 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Interesting concept. I can't say I ever put someone out of my life. I just drift away.


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)