Facts About Extramarital Affairs
Every couple should read this - Married or unmarried
Extra marital relation is a topic which has been discussed time and again. Last few days I've been searching for a topic for my next hub. Then I decided to write on a topic which is taunting our culture and value. How many times are we forced to shut our eyes when we see such disturbing issues bloom around. My culture always wanted me to express my views against such infidelity. However, At one point of time even I realized that the times are changing, the generation is changing, life-style is changing and more over the attitude is changing - if not for all, at least for some fickle minded. Therefore, this hub is my voice against those unfaithful and infidel 'lot'.
The modern work places or the corporate world is often turning out to be the hatchery of extra marital relations. Firstly, I would like to investigate the reason why such a thing is happening in our country, where marriage is supposed to be sacred and family is always the first priority.
Earlier days (read as 10 years ago) when a girls marriage is fixed, she used to spend time getting herself prepared for the sacred moment. I have seen my friends of those days eagerly waiting for the most important day in their life and blabbering about their colorful dreams. There existed a kind of excitement around that auspicious occasion, but nowadays it is not the same. Everyday seems to be the same for few girls even when the marriage is fixed. Excitement has been replaced by fear of losing one's independence. Colorful dreams are now being over shadowed by work pressure and career related queries. Few of you might feel that I am exaggerating the facts, but I have personally talked to a sample lot from the new generation before writing this hub. To some extent the expectations are set wrong by the new generation and often forget the fact that marriage is not a child play.
Men, since ages, is the dominant partner in a marriage relationship. Those days wife was a mere 'homemaker' or in other words a 'domestic manager'. I am not belittling the efforts and bonding that the previous generation has taught us. They were also busy in their own way. Though a 'home maker', our mothers were never short of work or activities. They were always engaged with one or the other homely activity. In spite of their busy schedule, they also found time to make an extra earning by capitalizing on their hobbies like 'tailoring', 'gardening', etc. However, since a decade, the lifestyle has changed drastically and the cost of living has gone sky high, thereby requiring both the partners to make a living.
A decade ago, there was hardly the concept of call centers and night shift jobs. In modern workplaces for sure one will make friends from both the sex (or even the trans gender). 9 hours spent in an office on a daily basis can be very monotonous. Any one would long for a close friend with whom one could share the stress and pressure. At times this friend can assist you in completing your tasks, targets and also help you in going up the ladder. As days pass by, one will start to feel more and more comfortable with the 'friend' than with the partner. This is the time when you need to raise a red flag to your friendship. Anything beyond this point will complicate things to the core. Happy are those who preferred to stay loyal to their partner. It doesn't mean that the other lot is not happy. Of course they will find more and more happiness in such a friendship, but 'peace of mind' and social acceptance will start to grow downwards.
More often, during the lunch break or dinner breaks, the hot topic of discussion will be about 'who is with whom and where?'. Especially the ladies bunch will never have any other topic to discuss, while the male lot will be left wondering about the recent promotions and ratings. As I mentioned earlier, being from a traditional and orthodox family, it was heartbreaking for me to see few such friendships in workplace going beyond the 'limits'. It may be one's personal affair and freedom to do so. However, a walk in the park holding hand in hand, a movie, a long drive, romance in the public etc with a friend is not considered ethical if one is already committed or married. I do not wish to elaborate on what happened or happens beyond the 'limit'. Most of the times I felt pity for their faithful partners with whom they will sleep every night. It's always good to see a group of friends (married or unmarried), but it is not always good to see a married woman with another man or vice versa. 'Extramarital' doesn't really need to be sexually involved in a relation, some partners even consider 'Emotional Attachment' to another person as cheating. Therefore it's more important to understand the like's and dislike's of your partner when it comes to making an opposite-sex 'friend'.
I have always wondered why this happens in a country like India where marriage is woven with a sacred string. The solution to this should come from within rather crying about it when it is too late. The best way to maintain healthy friendships after marriage is by setting certain limits to thyself as to what should be shared with the friend and what not. One may often face issues in personal and married life. It doesn't mean that you should be sharing all your personal grievances with a friend from opposite sex. The first person who can address one's issues is the partner itself, If you still can't find a solution then depend on the family members for that much required emotional support. Once you start sharing personal and emotional matters with a friend from opposite sex there is a high degree of chance that you will get emotionally attached to that person. Happiness in a relation always lies within. There should be lot of compromises and adjustments made to make each other comfortable. Transparency should be maintained at every point of time and there shouldn't be anything that your partner is unaware of. A woman should always give first priority to family and not to career or friends. It doesn't mean that one shouldn't aspire or dream anything in life, but it's all about procrastination. Feminist's and women with 'Independent feeling' may not agree with most of my views here, who cares. Trust, care, loyalty and understanding are the corner stones of this institution called 'Family'.
Most of the woman today wants to be independent. It's good and appreciable but not at the cost of sacrificing the happiness of a family. Some feel that being independent is taking one's own decisions. Some feel that being independent is to be able to stand on one's own leg, financially. Either ways, this 'independent thought' which gained strength off late is affecting the relationships adversely rather being a positive affair. It is also observed that unlike our previous generation, most of the couples live separately from husbands parents. There could be many reasons for that, however, it is always good if you have an elderly presence in your house. This would help to mold things in a perfect shape and size. Once you find that cracks are appearing in your relation, then firstly sit with your partner and discuss the issues and try to get a solution mutually viable. Try to be happy and make others happy and be happy with the family. I'm sure most of my thoughts and opinions are pretty outdated for a 26 year old like me, but it's implied that one needs to hold on to the values and traditions to a certain extent to lead a happier life.