- Gender and Relationships»
- Advice & Tips for Women in Relationships
Anything Gained Without Sacrifice Is Not Worth Having
A man without purpose, prone to failure, without a clear direction might act something like this…….
Career/ Life Partners
If a man is insecure he will do one of two things when it comes to pursuing a woman. (1) He will either choose someone far below his level so he could be comfortable with his lack of achievement. (2) He will attempt to break down a woman who has achieved to convince her there are so many things wrong with her perhaps attempting to pass on his inferiority complexes and insecurities to her.
Let me elaborate:
(1) If you are exactly in the same place you were, career wise or financially, ten or fifteen years ago; coupling with someone who has achieved makes you painfully aware of your failures. It would make sense to pass by the educated/accomplished woman with a good heart and priorities because that would be a mirror exposing your lack of achievement. If you pick a woman who is nothing more than the dress she wears and has no direction then your existence at 30% of your potential will be great to this woman. She just wants someone by her side, no requirements or questions asked. You were born a male and that’s all this type of woman requires - her low expectations fits your lack of achievement.
(2) The alternative – break a successful woman. Feeling as if you have “less” or are forced to acknowledge your lack of achievements while witnessing her success – you try and transfer the “less than” feelings and insecurities you have about yourself onto her. She’s not “x”, “y”, or “z” enough and this feeling is manifested in statements such as: “she’s cool but…” Frequently there is a battle for control because of insecurity. Let me give you a visual. Imagine if you will surviving or have an okay lifestyle and then you meet this wonderful girl. You drive to meet her at her house and she owns a nice house, has a nice car, and from entering her place you get an idea that she is financially secure and can probably conclude she is doing well for herself. Here is where the insecurity meter goes off- feelings start surfacing – What can I offer her? / I don’t have a house! / I don’t make enough money to date her! Usually when these attacks of insecurity happen one might try to look for any flaws as to why this woman is not for you. It’s a petty defense mechanism practiced often. I have heard men put down a successful career woman but the same man finds less faults in a woman with no plan, no money, and nothing going on other than the dress and shoes she wears. This is a strange situation. Another thing that happens is a man will attempt to “punish” a woman for achieving absent of a man. This is the breakdown factor that comes into place – how can I wear down her self-esteem enough for this woman to feel she’s lucky to have me? Perhaps they refuse to help you with anything because you want to be “Miss Independent” in their eyes so I won’t help you with your x, y, and z.
Then there are those who just use her resources and money with abandonment. It’s like a childish response to someone doing better than you. Spend money, like you haven’t earned it, wreck cars, and do things to damage what she has. It’s almost like a child who is upset that someone has better toys than he does so he spends all day scratching up the toys and breaking the toys of his friend. If questions are asked about what happened then the boy response is going to get all huffy and say responses like: ‘you’re treating me like a child ‘or ‘why are you questioning what I do’ or ‘I don’t have to answer to you.’
Insecure men will attempt to hide their lack of achievement and accomplishment by turning into a Mr. On the Prowl. Rather than spending time improving oneself (college, education, trade, economic growth, etc.) they would rather be the best dress man in the club, bar, or restaurant. The one thing they know they can do is dress themselves up and bring all their insecurities along with them. Constantly scrutinizing women as if they don’t measure up to your standards while having a chauvinistic attitude evaluating women often on such shallow means: is she fine and does she have a rocking body? This girl isn’t good enough, that girl isn’t good enough, no she’s not the one, etc. Sometimes I want to laugh and say what you really mean is: that girl is going to shoot me down, that girl looks as if she carries herself with too much self-esteem, and she’s not going to give me the time of day.
I’m the man because I can “pull” this kind of woman. And as he feels good temporarily –a false sense of accomplishment before he wakes up in the morning and looks in the mirror to be reminded of the truth.
“I’m the man because I can get women pregnant” – sounds stupid doesn’t it?
Poor Self Esteem
If the world told you that you were nothing by constantly bombarding you with negative media images, there is a lack of a positive male figure within the home, single parent households, and no morals/religion ground foundation……who are you? I guess if the one and only stereotype or image where you are bragged about is the bedroom then perhaps you will do that to the fullest. I may not be a successful person, have vision/money/purpose, provide for myself, or stand for something but I can cook in the bedroom. Unfortunately there are a string of little people and bad consequences that come with this belief that this is the only area where you can excel. THIS IS NOT TRUE! Not enough men realize this because we have a string of beautiful little babies with absentee fathers who have no financial ability to provide for themselves let alone another life.