Approaching the Gym Crush
Everyday, I walk in the gym… feeling like the Hulk. Feeling strong. Feeling fast. Feeling invincible. I do 3 miles on the treadmill, and then go to the weight room. That's when it happens… she walks in. The Gym Crush.
(The Gym Crush, is a very intimidating creature, because not only is she beautiful, but she could probably kick your ass.)
I stand around trying to look cool, and uninterested, but deep down I'm thinking of the perfect opening line, to get her laughing and ultimately screaming my name in the bedroom. Too forward? Not forward enough. I wanna make a move, but instead I hesistate.. I notice that my palms are sweaty, my tongue feels like it trippled in size, and my heart is beating like a speaker in a Techno Nightclub. It feels like I just developed a case a malaria, but it’s not. I have developed a severe case of approach anxiety... and my symptoms flare up every time this particular girl walks into my gym. What is her name? That’s an awesome question, but it’s hard to ask someone their name, when you can't even remember your own.
What am I supposed to do, huh? Just walk up to this beautiful girl, ask for her name, and then make light conversation with her? Are you kidding me?? I'd rather disarm a nuclear bomb, while wearing oven mitts. I can feel the Hulk inside me quickly shrinking… until he is the size a peanut, and then this peanut is "crushed' by this girl, who barely even knows that I exist. The only thing on my mind is initiating a conversation with my gym crush. But, my brain has temporarily shut down for maintenance, and the most creative thing left in my medulla oblongata is an awkward "What's up?" every time we pass each other on the way to the watercooler.
(Question: How many times, can you say “What’s up?” to the same person before it becomes awkward and creepy? Answer: One. )
I ask myself, "What would this Fitness Goddess see in me?" I'm positive that being a nice guy, with straight teeth is NOT enough. This girl probably only dates personal trainers and professional athletes. So, how can I get through this, and grow the stones to talk to this Goddess?
The truth is, approach anxiety is a disarming disorder that affects many men. What I have learned is that this condition is more about a fear of rejection, than anything else. I have talked to several women about this, and most of them can't understand why a man would be hesitant to approach any woman. They also say that most women enjoy respectful approaches. And, even if the beautiful woman is in a relationship, she will probably tell you this in a respectful way, and no damage is done. I think in my case, the actual gym was my anxiety. I usually don't have trouble talking to women. For me, the gym is a place where I have always gone to focus on my workout, and to shut out the outside world. And I assumed that most people felt the same way. It wasn't until I actually threw myself in the fire, and made myself approach this so-called "Goddess" that I realized how badly I psyched myself into thinking she was something more than human. We talked for five minutes, and the conversation went pretty smooth. I walked away thinking about how much better it felt to take the chance to talk to her, than it did playing it safe, and hiding behind the eliptical. This confidence quickly grew, and before I knew it, I was talking to my Gym Crush every other day. And, these conversation became easier, and easier. Eventually, I asked this woman out, and she respectfully told me that she was engaged to be married in January. Which, I had no choice but to respect. But we still remain good friends to this day.
(So, hopefully if she ever finds herself divorced, or looking for a fling... I’m pretty much, next in line. lol joking... kinda.)
The moral of the story is this, you lose nothing by approaching a woman. The very worst case scenario is that your gym crush will pull out a very large pair of scissors, snip off your testicles, and then drop them in her purse... leaving you there to die. (But, what are the chances of this happening? Like, .076%?) Most likely she will give you 1-2 minutes of her time, and you will either make a connection, or not. But, either way the experience will most likely be a positive one.