Are Both Partners Always Willing to Initiate Intimacy?
Intimate Relationships
She is more intimate than he is to her. The problem lies with his mental block. I found this a closed topic with many couples.
He is in his thirties and is married to a beautiful woman in the same age group.
They are stuck in this circle of want and initiation, and neither can go ahead without the other. She wants to be with him more than he wants to be with her.
The needs are not fulfilled by her husband and he feels weak in his situation.
It sounds like an imbalanced relationship in their sexual lives.
What do you think?
It should be an open conversation. Unfortunately, poor communication is the problem There is too much frustration to deal with here.
The anger has built up and the need for your partner to initiate or want the intimate moments to continue as in the past. You realize this is not happening in your life.
How do you cope with this reaction?
He is better off sleeping in separate rooms and they are leading separate lives. They have become disconnected from each other. It is very easy to fall into a passive-aggressive mind for such individuals.
The problem is hardly dealt with simply. The problem becomes the actual problem and is difficult to solve with two people behaving in such a manner. She feels rejected by him, and he does not see it that way.
The first thought that pops up is, ''he is having an affair.''
If he is not having an affair, physically he has slowed down and he fails to admit such issues directly to his wife.
Stress is the cause of poor intimate moments. Taking time out for each other and letting her know you are there and understanding her points of view are other ways of dealing with this issue.
The advice here, she wants to, and he does not want to initiate intimacy.
It may not have to be the man all the time to initiate intimacy, but if he does not show any interest in her at that age, something must be wrong. Sometimes one partner always initiates intimacy while the other wants to and goes ahead with the moment.
The wife can feel like she is asking for a favour all the time. She feels the continuous rejection is far too much in initiating intimacy and has become boring and monotonous in their marriage.
He is never in the right mood and not knowing how to get to him is another thought. She wants more intimacy than he does, and he feels helpless for not satisfying his wife.
The main problem here is communication, not the initiation of intimacy. An ongoing or common problem in a marriage that has caused many other marriages to fall apart.
Do you think the good initiators are alcohol and hotel beds for such couples?
Couples can be happy without intimacy, but the connection would be lost, and the yearning will stay with you. He is putting a lot of pressure on himself in this situation. Something is holding him back from being part of her intimate life. She is seeking intimacy more than he is and he is not initiating intimacy.
Why won't he do what she wants of him?
At such an age and yet he feels so not into intimacy. It is not a pleasant act to not want to initiate because she wants him to show an interest in her. She is being constantly rejected and cannot take that rejection anymore. He should consider his feelings for her and discuss the problem. The problem needs to be assessed.
Why is he holding himself back in such an aggressive way?
The reality check here is that he has given up on his intimate life for her. He does not like the idea of her behaviour and feels if he does not respond then she will eventually give up.
She goes to bed each night hoping he will come to his senses, but everything has changed in their lives and this leaves them alone.
Her pleasure did add something to his life at one time and now he sees her pleasure as a distraction. The relationship as it stands sounds fine but with the increased problems the relationship could go downhill from that point.
He should try to be honest and let out his feelings, instead, he chooses to be alone and selfish. Some women are up for intimate moments during the early hours of the morning, but most men will not initiate it.
No person is a mind-reader, what is required in a marriage should be fulfilled to have that balanced relationship. Yet not many couples see their relationships that way.
The facts of life and sex are no different. There is nothing wrong with being intimate when you feel like doing that. It is a communication problem but to a certain extent.
Cultural issues do get in the way of international relationships.
Verbal communication is played on more than non-verbal communication, thus the many complicated relationships for many couples.
More couples should focus on what they need which shows more happiness between them.
When couples are not on the same page the change in their moods is noticed but not understood. The interests are not the same therefore making other parts of their relationship more difficult to understand.
Does he love her?
They need to look at the fundamentals of their marriage and work out what is really on their mind. Maybe he doesn't fancy her as he did in the past and is afraid to make mention of his feelings direct.
Could that be his big problem?
Does he find it thrilling to see how much she wants him and just will not act toward her?
Is it that he knows what is expected of him and is less interested in her controlling him to the intimacy point?
It is, however, a sensitive issue and is not always approachable calmly or pleasantly. You can feel detached easily from this kind of marriage and emotionally, that could allow you to be the objective one.
It can destroy you to constantly wait on your partner.
You both are together for a while and know each other well enough to go about your moments.
To be turned away can make you feel most alone.
Couples can feel awkward with each other at the beginning of their relationships, but in time they can be most comfortable and initiate intimacy freely. Something that both people should agree on, however, is not a problem that can be resolved without discussion.
With years together you know what you want and when you want it. There is no time for shyness, or for reading minds. You make the most of your time together. He is simply not interested in initiating intimacy with her, or not interested when she is interested.
One has a lower libido while the other has a higher libido. It will always be a weak point in their relationship and from time to time the issue will flare up. Intimate life can make you feel happier and bring you closer to marriage with compromises you can work out.
He should put her first at least sometimes to make her happy and he will be the same.
Why did he get married in the first place?
Has something changed in their marriage?
Is he in love with his wife?
Initiating Intimacy
Marriages and Compromises
Is he in love with his wife?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2014 Devika Primić