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Are both Partners always willing to initiate Intimacy?

Updated on May 16, 2018
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Devika enjoys sharing her work with a friendly community. Writing is a big part of her life. Online work has improved her lifestyle.

Build intimacy and trust together

She is intimate more than he is to her.

The problem lies with his mental block.

I found this a closed topic with many couples.

He, in his thirties, and is married to a beautiful woman in the same age group.

They are stuck in this circle of want and initiation, and neither can go ahead without the other.

She wants to be with him more than he wants to be with her.

Her needs are not fulfilled by her husband and he feels weak in his situation.

  • It sounds like an imbalanced relationship in their sexual lives what do you think?

It should be an open conversation.

Unfortunately, the poor communication is the problem.

There is too much of frustration to deal with here.

The anger has built up and the need for your partner to initiate, or want the intimate moments to continue is not happening as it once did.

He is better of sleeping in separate rooms and they are leading separate lives.

They have become disconnected with each other.

It is very easy to fall into a passive-aggressive mind for such individuals.

The problem is hardly dealt with simply. In fact the problem becomes the actual problem and is difficult to solve with two people behaving in such a manner.

She feels rejection from him and he does not see it that way.

  • The first thought that pops up, ''he is having an affair.''

If he is not having an affair, physically he has slowed down and he fails to admit such issues directly to his wife.

Stress is the cause of poor intimate moments.

Take time-out for each other and let her know you are there and understand her points of views are another way of dealing with issue.

Get down to it and communicate to get through each other’s minds.

  • Advice here, she wants to and he does not want to initiate intimacy.

It may not have to be the man all the time to initiate intimacy, but if he does not show an interest in her at that age, something has to be wrong.

Sometimes one partner always initiates intimacy while the other wants to and goes ahead with the moment.

The wife can feel like she is asking for a favor all the time.

She feels the continuous rejection is far too much for so initiating intimacy has become boring.

He is never in the right mood and not knowing how to get to him is another thought.

She wants more intimacy than he does and he feels helpless for not satisfying his wife.

The main problem here is communication not the initiating of intimacy.

An ongoing or common problem in a marriage which has caused many other marriages to fall apart.

Do you think the good initiators are alcohol and hotel beds for such couples?

Couples can be happy without intimacy but the connection would be lost and the yearning will stay with you.

He is putting a lot of pressure on himself in this situation.

Something is holding him back from being part of her intimate life.

  • She is seeking intimacy more than he is and he is not initiating intimacy.

  • Why won't he do what she wants of him?

At such an age and yet he feels so not into intimacy.

It is not a pleasant act to not want to initiate because she wants him to show an interest in her. She is being constantly rejected and can't take that rejection anymore.

He should consider his feelings for her and discuss the problem.

The problem needs to be assessed.

  • Why is he holding himself back in such an aggressive way?

The reality check here is that he has given up on his intimate life for her.

He does not like the idea of her behavior, and feels if he does not respond then she will eventually give up.

She goes to bed each night hoping he will come to his senses, but everything has changed in their lives and this leaves them alone.

Her pleasure did add something to his life at one time and now he sees her pleasure as a distraction.

The relationship as it stands sounds fine but with the increased problems the relationship could go downhill from that point.

He should try to be honest and let out his feelings, instead he chooses to be alone and selfish.

Some women are up for intimate moments during the early hours of the morning, but most men won't initiate it.

No person is a mind-reader but all needs required in a marriage should be fulfilled to have a balanced relationship. Yet not many couples see their relationships that way.

The facts of life and sex is no different. There is nothing wrong with being intimate when you feel like doing that.

A couple is confronted closely, physicality and emotionally.

It is a communication problem but to a certain extent. The other problem the cultural issue. The verbal communication is played on more than non-verbal communication, thus the many complicated relationships for many couples.

More couples should focus on what they need that shows more happiness between them.

When couples are not on the same page the change in their moods are noticed but not understood.

The interests are not the same therefore making other parts of their relationship more difficult to understand.

She is beautiful and has a higher libido than him.

  • Does he love her?

They need to look at the fundamentals of their marriage and workout what is really on his mind.

  • Maybe he does not fancy her like he once did and is afraid to make mention of his feelings directly could that be his big problem?

  • Does he find a thrill to see how much she wants him and just won't act toward her?

  • Is it that he knows what is expected of him and is less interested in her controlling him to the intimacy point?

It is however, a sensitive issue and is not always approachable calmly or pleasantly.

You can feel detached easily from this kind of a marriage and emotionally, that could allow you to be the objective one.

It can destroy you to constantly wait on your partner.

You both are together for a while and know each other well-enough to go about your moments.

To be turned away can make you feel most alone.

Couples can feel awkward with each other in the beginning of their relationships, but in time they can be most comfortable and initiate intimacy freely.

Something that both people should agree on however, not a problem that can be resolved without discussion.

With years together you know what you want and when you want it.

There is no time for shyness, or for reading minds. You make the most of your time together.

He is simply not interested in initiating intimacy with her, or not interested when she is interested.

One has a lower libido while the other has a higher libido.

It will always be a weak point in their relationship and from time to time the issue will be flared up.

An intimate life can make you feel happier, and bring you closer in a marriage with compromises you can work it out.

He should put her first at least sometimes to make her happy and he will to be the same.

  • Why did he get married in the first place?

  • Has something changed in their marriage?

Sleeping in separate rooms is not a good sign in a marriage.

  • Is he in love with his wife?

He makes his wife happy in buying her expensive gifts, and lacks communication and intimacy is a thing of the past.

Initiating Intimacy

Lack of Libido in men

Marriages and Compromises

Is he in love with his wife?

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© 2014 Devika Primić


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    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hello jtrader, thank you for sharing a useful comment here. You do make understandable comments

    • jtrader profile image


      4 years ago

      Sometimes the problem is a medical one and sometimes men and women are afraid to speak to their partner about what is happening because they do not understand it themselves. They are puzzled about why their bodies are changing and are afraid to face it.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      justmesuzanne thank you for the vote up and useful so kind of you to come by here.

    • justmesuzanne profile image


      4 years ago from Texas

      This disconnect is always such a big problem. I'm glad I'm in my late fifties and have put this entire topic firmly in the past! :D Voted up and useful!

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Mel Carriere you are so right the guy may not open up and that is not how a marriage should work out, team work is the best way. Thank you

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Nell Rose, thank you for the useful comments your presence is always appreciated.

    • Mel Carriere profile image

      Mel Carriere 

      4 years ago from San Diego California

      Sometimes men are afraid to admit they are weak in any area and for this reason will never seek help. This will continue in a downward spiral until someone opts out, because this guy does not sound like he will open up. Great hub!

    • Nell Rose profile image

      Nell Rose 

      4 years ago from England

      Yes there can be many reasons why either the man or woman does not like intimacy, mainly medical problems, but emotional ones too, they really should go to a councilor to sort it out, interesting points DDE, nell

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi Curiad hmm. that is another situation to deal with. Sometimes the problem can lie with her. Thank you.

      FlourishAnyway , thank you for the well-suggested thoughts. You have given me many other sides to look at the situation.

    • FlourishAnyway profile image


      4 years ago from USA

      There could be a great variety of things going on, from health issues to relationship communication issues to infidelity, who knows.

    • Curiad profile image

      Mark G Weller 

      4 years ago from Lake Charles, LA.

      In my case, it was her that did not want Intimacy.

    • DDE profile imageAUTHOR

      Devika Primić 

      4 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Hi billybuc thank you for commenting on my work as constantly I so appreciate your presence.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Wonderful food for thought, and an important discussion for any couple.


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