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Are Men Really Hard-Wired To Cheat ?

Updated on September 22, 2016
kmartel profile image

K.D. Martel is a writer, published author and artist working from her studio in the province of Québec, Canada.

The media seems to be so overflowing with men in the public eye that are cheating on their spouses. Once the ball started rolling, other cases are popping up! What gets me are all the mistresses coming out of the woodwork when things go public. I guess everyone wants their 15 minutes of fame.

Yes, many men do cheat; it’s hardwired in their genes. Some don’t, they are few and far between. With the internet, and all the technological gadgets out there, many are finding it easier and easier to cheat whether it is emotionally or physically. The temptations are great out there, for men and women. Yet, the majority of cheaters are men. It’s a sad fact.

After researching the internet, I have found many books and documents targeted towards women: how to keep your man from cheating, how to attract a man and keep him, what to do, what to say, how to act, dress, chew your food and so forth! Yet, the books for men on how to do the same things are few and far between. I have found more info for men on how to attract and sleep with as many women they can on adult sites than real books on the subjects that are targeted towards women. It goes to say a lot I think (women on how to keep them interested and men on how many they can get into their beds, lol!!)

What I find sad is that we women have to do all the heavy lifting. We have to keep them interested, be funny, connect emotionally with them and all the other important things on a constant basis, ‘cause if you slip up, he will go elsewhere to find that connection! What about the men, they just lay back and are stimulated emotionally, physically all the time without lifting a finger! I’ve always wondered why, why the women have to so much. Yes, we take the advice, do the steps, and hope we don’t slip up. Sometimes, I wish I was a man. I know that men do not connect on the same levels that we do. You have to be careful with them, don’t push, don’t ask, don’t this, don’t that and if you show the slightest amount of neediness, well too bad for you!

With all the documents, books, articles I have read on relationships, what I myself and others I know have gone through, I understand men so much better. When I see women of all ages, including young girls on the internet proclaiming their love to men through applications like My Space, Facebook, etc., I cringe, thinking to myself, “now you’ve gone and done it, he’ll be taking off like a rocket!!” Men take much longer than women to fall in love; their point of attachment is much further down the line. If you push too much, become needy, he’ll be running for the hills.

Men want what they cannot have, they like conquests. If you give in too soon, all the fun is gone and they move onto the next one. If you keep them enthralled by always being just a bit unpredictable and that they have to work for your admiration and love, yes, they will stay with you. I agree that many couples seem to forget the important fact; men need that constant attention, the emotional connection. It’s not about being hard to get, but establishing the emotional connection they crave. You have to speak their “love language”. It doesn’t matter how pretty, sexy, intelligent or skinny you are. I’ve know women the opposite of all this and they have conquered the hearts of men. A good example is Prince Charles with Lady Camilla. He cheated on his much younger, prettier, sexier wife for the emotional connection that he needed and didn’t get from her.

If you look at the insect world, the insects living in communities like bees, ants and termites are all female. Males are bred and kept only for reproduction purposes, then die or are killed off. The females are workers, soldiers and nurses, providing food, protection and raising the young. They do it all. Should we learn from them? Lol!!

© 2010 K D Martel


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      8 years ago

      Perhaps you might be right. But we can never generalize. Everybody has needs. Everybody has their thought plane. If you don't connect on the emotional level and the relationship is based on shallow values, cheating is what will result. The music band Black-Eyed-Peas rightly put it in their song 'Where is the love?', "...wrong information always shown by the media..." which is picked up by most of the people as the right thing to do, when the simple fact is that it is absolutely wrong. In a confused world, right appears as wrong and wrong appears as right. I wish that some moral sense is imbibed into every child that is growing so that we have a future with hope.

    • kmartel profile imageAUTHOR

      K D Martel 

      8 years ago from Quebec, CANADA

      I agree, very complicated Tony, although justifying cheating is kinda hard to accept in my book, my point of view is, just get out of the relationship if you want to go in that direction..divorce, break-up, what ever, even if there are kids involved, it's not worth the pain, humiliation and whatever else becomes of the situation..that is much harder on children. :)

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Very interesting. And, very complicated. As a former "cheater" I have my "justifications" and not, years later, have a hard time reconciling with guilt. Strange.

    • kmartel profile imageAUTHOR

      K D Martel 

      8 years ago from Quebec, CANADA

      thanx katiem2!

    • katiem2 profile image


      8 years ago from I'm outta here

      kmartel, this is a very interesting topic and boggles the mind of many. Thanks for your helpful peice on are men really hard wired to cheat. Peace :)

    • kmartel profile imageAUTHOR

      K D Martel 

      8 years ago from Quebec, CANADA

      welcome, glad you enjoyed it!

    • profile image

      Loveless Softie 

      8 years ago

      Really loved this, it is very interesting

    • thevoice profile image


      8 years ago from carthage ill

      excellent hub read not all men live without code of honor thanks


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