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Are Teenage LDRs Bad?

Updated on May 30, 2018
Deianira profile image

Deianira is a high-school student who suffers from fibromyalgia. She has decided to become a freelance writer to cope with her condition.

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Long distance relationships (LDRs) between people who have never met in person are controversial to begin with, but when it's between teenagers it's even more so.

So what's the deal? Why are so many people against them?

A common argument against LDRs is that it could be a scam or an opportunity for traffickers to kidnap teenagers. Many argue that teenagers are more vulnerable ton this trickery because they're young. I think quite the opposite. Teens nowadays are more equip to detect scams and stay away from unsafe situations due to their knowledge of the internet. Think about it, someone who was born in a world where was always there for them has more experience and sense surrounding the internet.

Others say you don't know someone unless you talk to them in person, but odds are someone who has decided to date someone else has known them long enough to get a grasp on their personality. If not, that's a whole other issue. Long distance relationship don't just consist of messaging each other all day either. You can video chat, play games together, and of course, safely meet up with each-other once in a while. Emphasis on safely. That means

  • Making sure you have video-chatted before or they provided a picture of themselves holding up 3 fingers
  • Meet in a public place
  • Always bring a parent or guardian

If they are uncomfortable with any of these things that's a giant red flag

The last thing Ive heard from people is that it simply doesn't ever work out. They say someone may cheat or one person may get tired of not having that physical aspect of the relationship. While it is true there are some scummy people out there who will cheat and lie, you run the same risk when dating someone you know in person. Also, yes, some people, especially hormonal teenagers, can't handle not having a physical aspect to their relationship, but not everybody. Most people are self aware about whether or not they can handle that and its their responsibility to not get into a relationship they know they will be unsatisfied with.

Falling in love with someone far away is one of the most painful but, rewarding things I've ever done. It takes patience, discipline and real love for an long distance relationship to work. It's truly beautiful how some teen LDRs work out and they deserve the same respect as any other relationship.

No, teenage LDRs are not bad at all.

If you are in a long distance relationship with somebody remember to be safe and careful. Don't let your love blind you.

Poll Time

Do you approve of teenage LDRs?

See results

© 2018 Deianira

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    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago from Chicago

      You've made some excellent points.

      Many parents lack any real patience. My mother simply said: "Because I said so!" There was no "discussion" or debate.

      Eventually I did whatever I thought I could "get away with" without her ever finding out and the rest of the time I tried to do whatever she asked me. When I got 16 I began to see "the light at the end of the tunnel". I knew in 2 years I would be going away to college.

      Although being a college student on campus isn't exactly adulthood it was more freedom than I had ever known; I loved it!

      In fact there were some holidays where I opted to stay on campus as oppose to going home like during Thanksgiving. I had friends who lived in apartments off of campus so we'd have our own dinners...etc

      By avoiding coming off as a "rebellious teenager" or having "power struggles" I was able to get to where I really wanted to be.

      I guess a lack of patience doesn't just apply to adults it also applies to teens. At age 14 I really couldn't imagine myself driving a car and that would be in a couple of short years. I also couldn't imagine the day I would graduate from high school.

      A large part of immaturity is due to teenagers having unrealistic expectations and not being able to think/see beyond "right now".

      Fortunately I found the "self-help" section in libraries and bookstores to help me put things in perspective and visualize having a future unlike the present at that time in my life for myself.

      When you think about it the teenage years are a very small segment of our lives and when you look back you're going to laugh at how much you stressed over those few years.

      The real fun starts with going away to college, having a career, being independent, traveling, owning your first home, car, and so on. The teenage years are just a blip on the screen of life! :)

    • Deianira profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      @dashingscorpio yeah I get that. I've personally always been very very open with my mom atleast so it's weird to think about other people not being like that, although sometimes there are legitmate reasons of course, still weird to think about haha. I think whenever a someone under 18 does somthing signfigant, like dating someone states away, they should ask their parents but its also up to the parents to be open to discussing the topic and not just say no and scream and stuff. Like explain why so they also get your knowledge you're using to make your decision so they can understand. Thats a big reason why some teenagers do rash stuff like running away to be with their online bf. They feel misunderstood and underappricated at home and they're like oh there is this guy who's giving me attention and being nice! Not that it makes sense but it does in the moment I guess.

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago from Chicago

      No bad blood! :)

      With regard to safety it all depends on how "emotionally invested" a person becomes. Some teenagers have been known to run away from home to be with people they've met online.

      Oftentimes parents and children live in "parallel universes" which only intersect when trouble arises. Most teens want to think of themselves as being "adults" and therefore they hide a lot of things from their parents. In other instances they know their parents would not approve. It never dawns on them their parents are trying to protect them from a world they know very little about.

      No loving parent wants to see their child experience heartache, be used, manipulated, or violated while on "their watch".

      When meeting strangers online or offline for that matter it's always best to use good commonsense and not be overly trusting.

      "Knowledge is being aware that fire can burn; wisdom is remembering the blister." - Leo Tolstoy

      With age and {life experience} comes wisdom. :)

    • Deianira profile imageAUTHOR


      2 years ago

      @dashingscorpio. Thank you for commenting! I love hearing everyone's opinions. If i may retort to some of your points, I wont argue that people rarely end up being with their first love but, I was trying to argue the safety implications more so. I do think they generally work better when youre 16 - 18 rather than like 12 or something because again lDRs are supposed to be temporary and when youre closer to be an "adult" you have more freedom to go where you want. I think that yeah there is a chance of heartbreak just like any other relationship but theyre overall harmless in the grand scheme of things whether for fun or serious. (Btw just friendly debating no bad blood haha just curious about your opinion)

    • dashingscorpio profile image


      2 years ago from Chicago

      Are Teenage LDRs Bad?

      No, Teenage Relationships are bad period!

      Seriously the problem is teenagers are naïve and have unrealistic expectations due to lack of maturity and life experience.

      Very few people ever meet their "soulmate" during their teen years. Generally when we're young we allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices.

      It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      Whatever you believe makes for an ideal mate at age 16, 17, or 18 is not going to be what you want at age 25, 30, or beyond.

      A "first love" is usually followed by a "second love" , and more. The reason why is because during our teen years we've yet to figure out who we are let alone know what it is we need in a mate for life.

      Parents don't want their teens to experience heartbreak and yet it's a rite passage into adulthood.

      After we've experienced some heartache, betrayal, and disappointment we begin to craft our mate selection process and "must haves list. We learn to "date smarter" and allow people to (earn) our trust as oppose to giving it to them.

      In the U.S. the average person loses their virginity at age 17. The average age of a first time bride is 27 and 29 for a groom.

      What does that tell you? The average person has at least 10+ years of sexual experience prior to getting married. Odds are all those years will not be with one person. That's just how life goes.

      Secondly LDRs were meant to be temporary!

      The goal is to be with the person you love.

      Romance novels and Hollywood movies have conned us into believing having "obstacles" is romantic whether it be falling in love with someone who belongs to another or falling in love with someone who lives a world apart from us. There's always got to be a "mountain" to climb in order for some people to feel it's "love"

      One must first define what it means to make a LDR work. Is it dating for one year, two years, or marriage?

      When there is "no light at the end of the tunnel" whereby one person will be relocating it's usually a matter of time before a couple drifts apart.

      It's the counting down of the months, weeks, and days until one is finally done with the inconvenience of being in a LDR that keeps it strong!

      The only good reason for being in a LDR is the belief that he/she is "the one". Otherwise if you're just dating someone for "fun" you might as well do that locally.

      Truth is most adults would advise teenagers to date for "fun" and focus on getting a good education, establishing a career, travel some, enjoy the freedom of being single for a while and then consider settling down.

      Emotionally investing in someone as a teenager is usually a complete waste of time and oftentimes leads to one's first heartbreak. Once someone has teenagers of their own they be able to see just how immature and unrealistic they were about life and love. Truth is whether you date someone locally or via a LDR situation teenage relationships are likely doomed to fail period.

      We all thought we were smarter than our parents and other adults when it came to dating, relationships, and love.

      Maybe it's a teenager's lot in life to learn things the "hard way".


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