ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel
  • »
  • Gender and Relationships»
  • Romance

Are we a Generation Starved of Romance?

Updated on February 23, 2017
yasmin k profile image

During my single period I dated multiple people for the purpose of qualitative research for a book on dating.

If you're in a relationship you might expect to receive a bunch of red roses and a meal on valentines (if you're lucky). But, is this romance or forced social interaction?

If this is a real display of romance, would the modern day women appreciate it or see this gesture as something alien?

Are modern day women used to a minimal romancing? In the modern day world it is quite rare that a man will surprise their partner with flowers, treats, home-made meals etc.

Women are more likely to display these traits towards men. Although, it could be argued that the motive is not romance but our genetic love of shopping and impulse buying.

Single Logic

I was single for a stint of almost 3 years. During this period, whereby I dated extensively, I was never bought flowers on a first date nor was I wooed in the initial stages of first dates. If I had have found myself in the situation whereby I was presented with flowers on a first date I would have probably thought the man was either slightly odd, too keen or desperate. To be frank, this would have been a put off. I most likely wouldn't have seen this person again for the above preconceived thoughts of desperation. I wouldn't have given him credit for his bold effort nor would I have seen the gesture as something to be appreciated.

We live in a generation whereby if you're single you must be tough. You must not open up too easily or too soon. This is the general ethos of a modern day single person. Therefore, if we live in a generation where we have to be tough to be deemed socially normal what happens to romance? Is romance still a concept of today or is this/should it be left in the past?

Relationship Logic

Moving on from my single stint, I have found myself a partner whom is romantic. However, because I wasn't used to being woo'ed I didn't know how to reciprocate his advances. A prime example of this was on one occasion early on in the relationship, I stayed over at his house. The following day, I went to my bag and saw an envelope inside. What was my first instinct reaction? It was to see this envelope as a threat. I immediately put my guard up and asked what this was and why he had put it in my bag. I then continued to mock the gesture (without opening it) by giggling and asking if it was a love letter?

Instantly I could see that I had hurt his feelings. The letter was in fact a love letter of sorts. The letter set out the reasons why he liked me and that he had enjoyed the time spent to date. His intentions were that I would find the letter on route home and appreciate his display of affection.

If you have never received a love letter or any other form of romancing other than the forced norms of valentines how are we supposed to know how to behave when we are presented with such alien behaviors.

In years past, it was the norm to present flowers on a first date and write love letter etc. What has changed in society to almost eradicate this? Have men become frustrated with rejection and lack appreciation towards their efforts? Or, has the change come from women accepting a low level of romance within their relationship?

I now know what it is to be romanced. It is something that should be real and not just forced throughout valentines. We as women should appreciate men's efforts and in turn make the effort to show them the same love, respect and appreciation.

© 2017 Yasmin-Karmel

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 15 months ago

      "If I had have found myself in the situation whereby I was presented with flowers on a first date I would have probably thought the man was either slightly odd, too keen or desperate. To be frank, this would have been a put off. " - Very common!

      In fact a lot of women would view this guy as being a "dork" or "too nice"!

      If you stuck such a woman in a room with 5 guys and had four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sat in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she doesn't exist...

      That would be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's a "challenge", "mystery", and would make her (earn) his attention and affection. Those other four guys would be put in her "friend zone".

      As you noted many of today's women aren't use to nor comfortable being treated like they are "special" just for being women.

      One of the reasons I suspect for this is because a lot of (fathers) don't treat their daughters like they are princesses growing up.

      A father is the "first man" in a girl's life. If he made her feel "special" throughout her childhood and she witnessed him spoil her mother she will have a level of "expectation" regarding how a man is suppose to treat a lady.

      In the U.S. we have a divorce rate that hovers around 50% and the youth feel that in order to be "cool" you must be cynical about long held traditions. If someone is acting nice they must have ulterior motives and shouldn't be trusted. The sexual revolution in the 60s also changed dating dynamics. Sex on the first night or one night stands from bars aren't uncommon anymore.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)