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Are we a Generation Starved of Romance?

Updated on February 23, 2017
yasmin k profile image

During my single period I dated multiple people for the purpose of qualitative research for a book on dating.

If you're in a relationship you might expect to receive a bunch of red roses and a meal on valentines (if you're lucky). But, is this romance or forced social interaction?

If this is a real display of romance, would the modern day women appreciate it or see this gesture as something alien?

Are modern day women used to a minimal romancing? In the modern day world it is quite rare that a man will surprise their partner with flowers, treats, home-made meals etc.

Women are more likely to display these traits towards men. Although, it could be argued that the motive is not romance but our genetic love of shopping and impulse buying.

Single Logic

I was single for a stint of almost 3 years. During this period, whereby I dated extensively, I was never bought flowers on a first date nor was I wooed in the initial stages of first dates. If I had have found myself in the situation whereby I was presented with flowers on a first date I would have probably thought the man was either slightly odd, too keen or desperate. To be frank, this would have been a put off. I most likely wouldn't have seen this person again for the above preconceived thoughts of desperation. I wouldn't have given him credit for his bold effort nor would I have seen the gesture as something to be appreciated.

We live in a generation whereby if you're single you must be tough. You must not open up too easily or too soon. This is the general ethos of a modern day single person. Therefore, if we live in a generation where we have to be tough to be deemed socially normal what happens to romance? Is romance still a concept of today or is this/should it be left in the past?

Relationship Logic

Moving on from my single stint, I have found myself a partner whom is romantic. However, because I wasn't used to being woo'ed I didn't know how to reciprocate his advances. A prime example of this was on one occasion early on in the relationship, I stayed over at his house. The following day, I went to my bag and saw an envelope inside. What was my first instinct reaction? It was to see this envelope as a threat. I immediately put my guard up and asked what this was and why he had put it in my bag. I then continued to mock the gesture (without opening it) by giggling and asking if it was a love letter?

Instantly I could see that I had hurt his feelings. The letter was in fact a love letter of sorts. The letter set out the reasons why he liked me and that he had enjoyed the time spent to date. His intentions were that I would find the letter on route home and appreciate his display of affection.

If you have never received a love letter or any other form of romancing other than the forced norms of valentines how are we supposed to know how to behave when we are presented with such alien behaviors.

In years past, it was the norm to present flowers on a first date and write love letter etc. What has changed in society to almost eradicate this? Have men become frustrated with rejection and lack appreciation towards their efforts? Or, has the change come from women accepting a low level of romance within their relationship?

I now know what it is to be romanced. It is something that should be real and not just forced throughout valentines. We as women should appreciate men's efforts and in turn make the effort to show them the same love, respect and appreciation.

© 2017 Yasmin-Karmel

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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 months ago

      "If I had have found myself in the situation whereby I was presented with flowers on a first date I would have probably thought the man was either slightly odd, too keen or desperate. To be frank, this would have been a put off. " - Very common!

      In fact a lot of women would view this guy as being a "dork" or "too nice"!

      If you stuck such a woman in a room with 5 guys and had four of them drop to their knees extending their heart out towards her while the 5th guy sat in a corner sipping on a cocktail acting as if she doesn't exist...

      That would be the guy she wants to get to know!

      He's a "challenge", "mystery", and would make her (earn) his attention and affection. Those other four guys would be put in her "friend zone".

      As you noted many of today's women aren't use to nor comfortable being treated like they are "special" just for being women.

      One of the reasons I suspect for this is because a lot of (fathers) don't treat their daughters like they are princesses growing up.

      A father is the "first man" in a girl's life. If he made her feel "special" throughout her childhood and she witnessed him spoil her mother she will have a level of "expectation" regarding how a man is suppose to treat a lady.

      In the U.S. we have a divorce rate that hovers around 50% and the youth feel that in order to be "cool" you must be cynical about long held traditions. If someone is acting nice they must have ulterior motives and shouldn't be trusted. The sexual revolution in the 60s also changed dating dynamics. Sex on the first night or one night stands from bars aren't uncommon anymore.