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Are You A 'Bad' Woman If You Won't Accept Your Man Wearing Women's Clothes?

Updated on October 13, 2009

I am writing this article to square up some issues which have been coming to the front, mostly precipitated by other articles I have written on the subject of men who want to wear women's clothing and why women don't like it or leave them over it.

First of all, it is always a matter of scale. A guy who wears panties is an entirely different proposition to a man who wears dresses, make up and wigs. Neither one is 'better' or 'worse' than the other, it's simply a matter of more or less.

As a female reader commented, attraction to men who appear to be more masculine is simply natural for many women. I concur with this assessment. Everyone is attracted to different types of masculinity, and whilst there are some women who find only 'macho manly men' attractive, there are plenty who can appreciate a touch of the feminine in their man. The degree to which they can appreciate masculine femininity will vary case by case and just as it is the responsibility of any person seeking a suitable mate or life partner to find one who compliments them well in other areas of life (desired life style, desired number of kids, similar outlook on life to the point where you won't kill each other over breakfast each morning, etc,) it is a man who wears women's clothing's responsibility to find a woman who can met him half way on that score.

I believe that it is also always the responsibility of the male to communicate his desires and indeed, the reality of who he is to the woman before serious commitments are made. It is entirely unacceptable and dishonest to conduct a long term love affair with a woman, or worse still, marry her and keep the fact that he wears women's clothing of any kind a secret.

If he is afraid that the woman will leave him, then he needs to simply take that chance, because as much as men have a right to find happiness wearing panties or skirts or dresses or whatever takes their fancy, women have the right to know what they are getting into. It is not fair or right to have your girlfriend of a year stumble over your panty collection.

Now, as I mentioned before, some women do find exclusively macho men attractive. However, in my experience, a woman who loves a man is unlikely to reject him because he likes to spice it up with lingerie sometimes. (If he is a full blown cross dresser however, it is perhaps a possibility.)

(Here the article shifts gears a bit and addresses men who wear women's clothing more directly. Terribly bad writing practice, but what can you do?)

Are women bad for being this way? No. I don't think you can call a woman's preference bad. I think you can call cruelty or being unfairly judgmental bad, but a simple, 'No thank you, that kills my attraction to you entirely,' is unfortunate though well within her rights.

Once again, having said that, if you do get that response, there really are plenty of fish in the sea who find the idea of men dressing as women kind of hot. There are also plenty more fish in the sea who will happily indulge your quirks in return for the indulging of theirs, whatever they may be.

At the end of the day, this issue is not a matter of right or wrong, bad or good, it is a matter of matching tastes. Some women are more flexible on this issue than others and if you need to find a woman with this kind of flexibility, then find her, don't waste your time on women who have very clear ideas in their minds on this issue already, and don't waste their time and break their hearts by entrapping them into an arrangement they will never be happy in by simply not telling them about it and thinking you can get away with it secretly. That way madness, heartbreak and divorce lies.


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    • thehands profile image

      Jorge Vamos 7 years ago

      You're not a bad woman for not liking that he wears women's clothes, but you have to understand that a woman has no choice but to accept what her man does. He's his own person after all. She can leave him and everything, but ultimately, he will do what he wants. So it's not really a matter of accepting, more of: Is it so bad that you would leave him?

      I tried to think of the reverse: Would it bother me if my woman wore men's clothes? But then I thought it would be kinda hot, so I'm probably no help in the sympathizing department.

    • profile image

      Sherman 7 years ago

      Excellent thought provoking post from hisgirl. Well taken.

      Hope: I looked under the "Women" category of "Gender and Relationships" and suggest hubpages of this and similar topics to come up there-- Simply to encourage more women to consider the gender spectrum from other perspectives. It's going to happen. How can we help it?

      Thanks for the hub.

    • profile image

      David 8 years ago

      Girls that believe men wearing skirts are crossdressers are thickheaded losers. They may be ok with KILTS, but unfortunately, not with SKIRTS. I will NEVER, EVER marry a woman who does not like the idea of men wearing whatever they wear. My future wife (whoever she may be) will ALWAYS have had an open mind about men in kilts AND skirts.

    • Coach Albert profile image

      Coach Albert 8 years ago from San Francisco

      If you're truly confident in your masculinity, you can wear anything you want. There's been recent articles about new trends in fashion.

      Honestly, I think the typical male fashion is derived mostly from laziness, (myself included) It takes my wife an hour to get ready to go out. Me I'm showered, shaved and ready in fifteen minutes. I think most of the backlash is based in homophobia. And I agree with bo, it seems oddly unfair that a woman wearing jeans and a t-shirt, would dump a guy who simply has a stronger appreciation for fashion. And there's undoubtedly going to be an outcry from the uber-religious who associate cross dressing as an "aberration" um, what are pretty much all of the people in the Bible wearing? Men and Women.

      Hmn...think I'll go buy a kilt. ;-) -Coach

    • profile image

      Warren O'Leary 8 years ago

      As a libertarian, therefore pro-equality for all . " what is good for the goose is good for the gander ". Females have been wearing menswear almost exclusively for themselves the last fifty years, in fact, they ironically have much more menswear choices then do males ! What's up with that ?

    • profile image

      bo 8 years ago

      It didn't used to be Lennie. The current lack of interest in anything which happened prior to year 2000 is part of it. I am constantly astonished at how historically ignorant most people, particularly in America, are. It seems an extraordinary number of women extant are unaware that 50 years ago in America, women themselves were called dykes if they wore pants. Now, women stand there in mens Levis and call a man in a skirt a crossdresser! Boyshorts! what a comedy! The Gauls,Romans, Egyptians, Persians, and a lot of other toughguys in skirts, must be turning in their graves!

    • profile image

      Lennie 8 years ago

      I like to wear womens clothes,Who decided pink was for girls and so on.Why is anything comfortable or nice RESERVED for women??

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Hey HisGirl,

      I know what you mean, in fact, I just wrote a post on my blog the other day cautioning men who wear lingerie not to leave their partners out of it. Honestly, I doubt that he really does want the lingerie more than you. He wants you, and he wants you to love him in lingerie too. Men can be quite clumsy with this and it is VERY common for women to feel as if their boyfriends just want the lingerie. Talk to him about this, and I would also advise reading this, which is a letter from a guy experiencing the other side of the situation...

    • profile image

      hisgirl 8 years ago

      I am praying that there is a way that my fiance and I can make it through this. His fetish of wearing panties has at times excited me. Back when I thought it was something that would be an out of the ordinary thing that is. Since then, there have been times when it has really bothered me. I am not shallow and I certainly do love him but his fetish seems like more of an obsession. We have had quite a few conversations about compromising. I give him the cue and it is okay. I am fair and offer "his time" a few times during a week. After this "compromise" it seems like his panty wearing is even more frequent. He has woken me up in the middle of the night expecting me to be turned on when all I wanted was to feel like the woman. I go to take a shower and hanging in the shower is his woman's bathing suit that he wears. Not only was I insulted because I felt like he was putting it in my face when I needed to feel like the feminine person in the relationship but he gets depressed when I try to tell him that he is bombarding me instead of using the compromise that he agreed to. Why can't he have control over something that is hurting us so badly? Will our relationship fail?? How can I feel sexy and attractive when in the back of my mind he doesn't want me, he wants the lingere?

    • profile image

      Joel 8 years ago

      80% of my old girl friends knew I loved wearing womans undergarments, only the short term gals did't know. Honisty on my part forced me to tell them. One of them even bought me "real" breast forms. I did have one though that felt that she was not sexy (read womanly)enough for her and thats why I CD'd. My point is that some gals just don't get why some of us guys like "there" undies style. Icould write a whole blog of my personal history of this subject and I may as it could be a benifit to many.

    • profile image

      Eric 8 years ago

      Without diving into my personal habits (which are actually irrelevant) I have to say that I have always found the idea of the personification of inanimate objects a really bizarre practice.

      Thought I mean absolutely no offense to women whatsoever it does seem to me that this culture for whatever reason is bent on 'feminizing' everything. There is pretty much absolutley nothing that women cannot do as compared to men esp fashionablly speaking but all the way down to the way they act. Maybe there is some neurotic facination that some people have with clothing of the opposite sex but why do we define clothing as belonging to one sex or another? It seems maybe we have become so unsure and insecure of who we are that we literally use smoke and mirror like placebos to define us.

      Maybe that is what makes me different and thus not really 'qualified' to speak on the subject. I never really have 'seen' those things. I do think that women are far stronger psychologicaly than men are (and I am a guy). Men have been brought up such that they need to keep proving themselves as men and/or that they need a woman to validate their masculinity. This is exacerbated by the women who (for better or worse) see this as normal and are glad to claim (and who would'nt) most inanimate 'things' clothing or otherwise for 'themselves only' and impune those men who despite their confidence enjoy those things for whatever reason.

      Classic case (and there are many) would be ugg boots, people looked at me like I had two heads when I wore them out as if they were feminine despite being a mens size 13 and originally being made for men (like skirts were).

      As I said....defining who you are esp your sense of sexual self with inanimate objects personified by society.....its a strange practice.