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Are You A Feminine Woman? The Femininity Lie

Updated on December 23, 2009

What's more feminine? A woman who wanders around without make up and in comfortable clothes, just being herself? Or a woman who has her breasts pumped with silicone, her lips plumped with collagen, her face caked in various chemical compounds and her body displayed provocatively in scanty / skin tight clothing?

According to modern standards, the latter is apparently more feminine. In fact, if you're a woman who fails to conform to the standards of 'femininity', then you're often referred to as being butch at worst or a tomboy at best.

Please explain to me how a woman is less of a woman if she doesn't try to artificially boost her attractive qualities through the use of clothing and make up? Please explain to me how it is more feminine to indulge in lies of appearance, making yourself out to be something you're not?

It's amazing to me that we can have this so backasswards and nobody blinks an eye. A woman is a woman. Her most feminine state is her natural state. The more make up and silly clothes you pile on there, the more she becomes a parody of femininity.

Parodies of femininity are apparently very attractive to men however, which is why some women sacrifice a small piece of their sanity, and often quite a bit of their self esteem to ensure that they live up to a ridiculous image that has never and will never occur in nature.

There are plenty of women who see nothing wrong with the fact that they won't leave the house without make up. Most people who read that sentence won't blink an eye at it, in spite of the fact that it actually borders on agoraphobic behavior. If you can't leave your house without caking on a face mask of make up, then you're heavily relying on a psychological crutch to get you through life. It's not a good thing. It's a very bad thing that many women feel uncomfortable if they're not wearing make up.

I write a lot about men who wear women's clothing. I support the right of men to wear women's clothing and make up if they want to, because I see no harm in it and I believe that everybody has the right to express themselves as they so choose. If there were men who wanted to run around in animal skins, I'd support them too. However lets not aspire to ridiculous parody of feminine expression as if it is the highest possible achievement of man and for the love of god, let us stop treating women who don't buy into the game as if they are somehow less feminine than the ones that do.


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    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I've got to agree with this hub. I'm in my 50s, and the rise (so to speak) of InflatoBoobs over the years just appalls me. I don't find it appealling at all, just fake, ditto for InflatoLips.

      The comment a few above about confidence and security is pretty much how I see it. You look how you look, but if you are confident and comfortable with yourself it makes a huge difference.

      Possibly the most striking, and sensual woman I have ever seen was walking through some shops near me, she was in her mid to late sixties, I'd say. Silvery hair, wearing well fitted jeans, white men's style shirt, slim, she was in very good shape. She was clearly wealthy, based on the locale and her jewelry. I mention that as she could clearly afford to surgically modify, and paint herself into a faux youthfulness. In a place where the women are preponderantly made-up, surgically modified, and obsessed with looking appropriate, she didn't give a damn. Instead, her graceful carriage and clear comfort in herself exuded an inner beauty that was causing men all around, myself included, to walk into stands and such whilst trying to get a good look at her. Most of these guys were around half her age, yet were blatantly attracted to her. She looked soooo good, and had such a wonderful, appealing air about her, you simply wanted her to be your friend.

      This from a woman with wrinkles on her face, small breasts, little if any makeup, and grey hair, and in jeans, low shoes, and a mannish shirt.

    • girlpower profile image


      8 years ago from eugene oregon

      wow one of your best hubs, i agree with you completely, women are still allowing themselves to be conned into thinking that what is on the outside is most important. It is the further perpetuation of women are no more than sexual objects. It shows the continued degrading of women and low self estemm that women feel about themselves. Look at all the shows on tv desperate housewives (they wish) cougar women, its an attempt to turn back the image of women back to the fifties before womens liberation changed the way women can be equal and be free to live where they want with whomever they want. The women who are proud be be feminist (me included) have led the way for women to be in control of their lives. It has produced a generation of males that really want the return of women as sexual objects and mothers who take care of them. With the ability of women to support themselves, men have had to adjust and realize that they have to have more enduring qualities than supporting women. Men have been able to enjoy the fact that women have their own money, one side affect of women in the work force. We have a long way to go in 75 women made 74 cents on the dollar in jobs that men who do the same work make in wages, now its 78 cents on the dollar wow. Women helped elect a president who is pro choice and passed a bill the first week to protect women from such unfair wages.

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      8 years ago

      kfsteve, no, for the love of god no. Women are nothing like buying a car. Women are not something to be 'fixed up'. For crying out loud man.

      This is why I get emails from men who whine that they can't find women who accept them for who they are. It's because they're incapable of accepting women for who they are either and expect them to 'fix themselves up.' How completely and utterly ridiculous.

      PRO TIP: If you want a woman worried enough about the way she looks that she spends a lot of time primping and preening herself to look more feminine, odds are, she will expect you to be just as hyper masculine as she is hyper feminine. You will reap what you sow.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I think it all goes back to personal taste. Some men like a woman who fixes herself up, some do not. It is kind of like buying a car. Many of us like different things.

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Agreeing with the above poster. No makeup is very beautiful because, among other things, it shows confidence and security in one's appearance. As for clothing, well.. strong if I can but I am only a man. ;p

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      I completely agree with just about everything you say in this article. My one question is do men really find the dressed-up, made-up women attractive? Or are they just told (by women? by other men?) that "attractive" for a woman means wearing a short skirt and make up? I would argue that men, without the pressure of society, find a more natural look attractive. Many of my male friends think Megan Fox is attractive. Of two pictures of her, one with make-up and hair done ( and one with less make-up and a T-shirt ( they say the latter is more attractive, and I can't say I disagree with them.

    • Tom Cornett profile image

      Tom Cornett 

      8 years ago from Ohio

      To me.... women are far more beautiful and feminine without makeup. Just my opinion but I have always felt that way...even years ago when I was dating.

      Nice hub...thanks! :)


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