Are Your Friends Ruining Your Relationship?
Friends are people that we share similar interest with, confide in, love and trust. These are the people who we’ve known for years and have always had our backs. We might have countless acquaintances, but only a few deserve the title of “FRIEND”. When no one else was available to talk, you knew your friend was just a phone call away. They were there to start the party when you received a promotion at work. Your friend was also there with a tub of ice cream and a box of Kleenex when the love of your life walked out on you. Your friends have played an important part in your life, so it is only natural that you have grown to value their opinion. As a matter of fact, your friends are the first people you go to with your relationship problems. What most of us fail to realize, is that telling too much of your personal problems, can make the situation go from bad to worse. Sometimes your friends will overstep boundaries and sometimes the kind of relationship you have with your friends can affect your relationship with your significant other.
Here is how…
They Give Bad Advice! Although you may want a different take on a situation, your friends might not be the best people to go to for advice. Think about it… They’ve known you for years and they are YOUR friends, not your partners, so it is only natural that they try to see things your way. A friend will almost always take your side and agree with the way you are already handling the problem. This may not always be the case, but the best way to get around this is communicate your feeling with the person you are having the problem with, and if possible, try to find someone that can give you an honest evaluation of the situation.
They Know too much! The more things you disclose about your relationship, the more information your friends have to throw back at you. You start off with a new complaint and your friends remember that last thing you said as well. Before you know it your friends are like, “remember that time he/she did this? You should have known this was coming”. Don’t let this happen to you because not only will you be upset about the current problem, but thanks to your beloved friends one problem has turned into two, adding fuel to the fire! Don’t let them bring up things that even you have forgotten about, thus making you angrier.
You have too many friends! Friends you don’t know personally can also sabotage your relationship. You know the hundreds, sometimes thousands of friends you have accumulated thanks to Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter (you get the point). Having too many friends, on any social networking website can be a disaster when they are of the opposite sex. Men have issues with their girlfriends, having hundreds of male “friends” showing off their six-pack abs to the world. Same goes for a man that has an equal amount of women taking sexy bikini pictures. It may be childish to become jealous over this, but the reality of it is that this issue CAN and HAS ruined relationships.
They are attracted to your boyfriend/girlfriend! Your friend is getting a little too friendly with your boyfriend/girlfriend. You hated the fact that they didn’t get along with your last boyfriend/girlfriend, but this is a whole lot worse! Your friends are openly flirting with your flame and all they can say is that it’s harmless, or it means nothing. To bring it up a notch, your flame is not only flattered, but is reciprocating!
You are suddenly attracted to your friends! If your best friend was someone of the opposite sex, it can be easy to fall for them. Not everyone will admit their feelings but think about it. They’re your best friend because you have a special bond. You share intimate details, can depend on each other, and enjoy each other’s company. Everything you want in a relationship, you’ve found in your friend. Most people will tell you that their husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend is their best friend. So eventually you fall head over heels, but aren’t sure how to address it. You admit your feelings but they didn’t feel the same. Now your relationship is not what it once was. Or you both decide to give love a try, only to realize that you were not meant for each other, and now your relationship changes. Either way, you love your friends and don’t want to loose them.How you act on these feelings can change your friendship for the better or possible ruin it.
You Have to Set Boundaries!
The final concern when it comes to your friends versus your relationship is setting boundaries. The KIND of relationship you have has to change once others are involved. There is the issue of friends showing up at inappropriate times because it never used to be an issue before you was in a relationship. Also, if your friends are still single, it’s possible that either they aren’t ready to lose their friend (the person you used to be), so they encourage you not to get too seriously involved, or they may become jealous because they haven’t found that special someone. It is also possible that they may not like each other. People fail to realize that your boyfriend or girlfriend is not going to automatically love your friends. That is life and you just have to find a way to deal with it. The best advice I would give is to not let your boyfriend/girlfriend isolate you from your friends, and to not let your friends come in between what you have with your significant others by bad mouthing them. Whatever you do, spend time with your boyfriend/girlfriend and still make time for your friends. Set appropriate boundaries, and if both parties love and respect you, they will work their hardest to not overstep those boundaries.
Would you date someone your friends didn't get along with?
- Coping with Divorce - When Your Friends Get Divorced - Marie Claire
MarieClaire.com has one woman's story of her good friend's divorce.