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Are you a victim of the Silent Treatment?

Updated on April 11, 2017

What Silent Treatment Is

I have never really realized what silent treatment was or how much impact it creates in a person until I experienced it first hand.

My husband chooses it as a weapon. A source of power that keeps him in authority of everything else-or at least that's how I see it, because that's how it makes me feel. He often mentions how it was a supposed escape from fighting; but really it serves more rot to the soul than an actual communication does.

Have you ever experienced being treated with such condition of the non-speaking medicine?

Don't get me wrong. Silent treatment may not be all bad when done with full consideration and communication to the other party. For instance, you had a heated argument. To cut the tension, the other person decides to ask for permission to have a pause on the conversation, gives you an ample time to wait until the conversation could be started again at a much calmer condition.

When this is applied, you know that whatever it is that may have happened, you and the one you were arguing with agreed to take a break and will resolve the issue later on at a specific time. This gives you a much better grounding on understanding what is going on.

There is however, a much distinct form of silent treatment that serves as torture.

As I mentioned, my husband could go on for weeks before he actually calls it a truce and finally talks and expects me to be all okay about it- to avoid anymore confrontation and possibly prolonging the torture, I succumb and just accept everything is okay and not speak a word about what happened.

I thought it was normal. But then again, looking through experiences of other individuals around the globe,silent treatment appears to be a psychological weapon that some people use to take control of the situation and the person they are having issues with.

Only then did I realize that this process of cold-communication should not be welcomed nor should it be applied just so to get one'sway. In an attempt to get myself up and find a way to understand the situation better, or perhaps even help out my husband to get over the attitude, I decided to study more in relation to the deeper meaning of silent treatment. And I would share every detail I learned through this post.Not only to remind myself that it is not a valid punishment nor is it a loving response to avoid argumentation, but to let others understand that nobody deserves to be treated with this approach of discipline without being told properly with regards its purpose.

Everybody needs a break....

Imagine being in an argument.

It will come to a point when you become too exhausted to even continue with the conversation. The truth is, this is a common factor that defines the strength of arguments especially in placing tension between individuals in a relationship.

For the sake of recovering from the tension, one might want to ask for a time-out. Such break is necessary and valid. However, for such break to not contribute to the tension further, it is important to communicate the situation with the other. Asking for a break formally through talking things through and telling the other that it will take only a while- just a time to breathe in fresh air to be able to clear out the tension- this approach would not put the other person in an uncanny position.

This way, both parties in argument would be able to think through the situation separately before talking to each other again in a much calmer condition and a better understanding of the situation.

This way, the silent treatment becomes an agreement and a ground for proper reconciliation and resolving the issues that started the tension in the first place.

a properly handled silent-time could be a source of refreshment to both parties- but first, the request for a break should be properly communicated to the other to reduce the development of any tension
a properly handled silent-time could be a source of refreshment to both parties- but first, the request for a break should be properly communicated to the other to reduce the development of any tension

The NEGATIVE Silent-Treatment

However, the more common approach taken into account by other individuals is rather abusive in many forms.

The non-communicative silent-break or time-out puts the other person at the receiving end. In the long run. especially when this becomes a habit, the other individual always receiving such treatment does not only develop fear, but also a sense of lowered self-esteem that pushes them to follow everything that their 'supposed abuser' imposes for them to do- at times even without words.

Just for the sake of keeping everything in peace and making sure that the silent-treatment does not happen again, the one at the receiving end feels the need to be extra careful all the time. This breaks the foundations of the relationship and serves as a distinct source of personal tension that breaks down the personality of the receiver of the silent treatment.

If you have been at the receiving end of the silent-treatment, it is important to know how you can handle such treatment better that would not necessarily ruin the relationship and would surely not break your personal being.

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    • rutheddavid profile image
      Author

      Ruth Serrano 7 months ago from Philippines

      Thank you Whisper Sunny and Dashingscorpio for dropping by and leaving insights on the matter. It is true that silent treatment has somehow gotten me to my worse. I never really realized that it would create such an effect on who I am and how I handle relationships. It's quite daunting, but I'm on my way to recovery---- I hope :) .....

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 7 months ago

      Indifference is the cure for the silent treatment.

      Once you stop caring and focus on other aspects of your life he'll either start talking or the marriage will come to an end.

      Clearly if your mate knows it hurts you and he does it anyway it says a lot about him for doing it and a lot about you for putting up with it. Going weeks at a time without speaking is childish.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

      If someone refuses to talk to you they clearly don't think you're all that special. Thankfully there are over 7 Billion other people on the planet. It's a BIG world out there.

      Has it occurred to you that he may not be "the one" for you?

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships: We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      The (choice) is up to us!

      If you chose to stay acceptance & "indifference" is your only salvation. Expecting him to "change" will only frustrate you. People don't "change" unless (they) are unhappy.

    • WhisperSunny profile image

      WhisperSunny 7 months ago

      If you lack communication, you need to talk or nothing will ever be worked out. Do not push forward not say You, be calm...think, listen carefully to what you are saying that might be causing the Silence?

    • WhisperSunny profile image

      WhisperSunny 7 months ago

      Yes, there is help. We need to listen intently. God will help.