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Are you abused?

Updated on May 19, 2016
Thelifeofone profile image

I have so much built up inside, so much emotion. I need somewhere to let out the truth. I have no reason to lie.

Abuse

Abuse can be many things mental sexual physical. I have been in a relationship for 10 years and did not bother really think about what my relationship was.I have been thinking about when we first meet. How great the relationship was, this person was caring and sweet. He/she listened to everything I had to say. I respected everything that he/she did and say. I praised the ground he/she walked on. The relationship was going great for awhile, until he/she mentioned they had kids. I was excited, happy, jumping for joy when I heard the news. Our relationship was reaching the next level. The daughter and I hit it off, we were friends from day one. That is when the relationship started falling apart.

It started by his/her daughter and I did a chest bump. We were celebriting our happiness and energetic of our accomplishment with our cartwheels. My partner was not happy with me, they grabbed my arm and twisted it backwards and upwards. Walked me up the stairs and slammed me into the wall of the front porch.

They apologize later that night, I excepted it because I love them, we have something special.

One month later, I started going to work with them to get away from the drama at my house. I love to travel to see and learn new things in the world. Our relationship was great like a dream, I didn't want to wake up except it wasn't a dream. All these great things was happening to me. Until we pick up the daughter for the weekend. My partner would be mean while she was around. I never understood that completely.

Is this my fault.

Was this my fault. Why was he being mean? I never found out till this day. I thought I could have a romantic night, maybe it was stress.

We talk, about their past. All the sex partners and kids they had. How people have used them and hurt them emotionally. We talked about families and how he/she looks towards their dad.

I have learned alot about my partner, and it made me think, how could I give them a better life?

So, I did my research and learned more about myself and my partner. I decided to surprise them with planning a baby. Our relationship grew stronger and amazing for the next 5 months or so.

Getting ready to do laundry, I gather up all the dirty clothes and place them all in one bag. My partner gets mad and suspects that I am leaving. They grab my neck, through me on the ground and start choking me. I ask why are they doing this? They don't want me to leave. I'm not going anywhere I promise I see you and I love you, I say. I continue to do laundry, hand wash then air dry outside.

Our relationship was going well for a free month, our baby was one month old. Love was in the air, I felt like things was going to be okay, that we can get though anything that is handed to us.

My brother came into the picture and things got rocky. I was being accused of sleeping around with the neighbor across the street. Nothing was going on I am 1000% faithful. My partner and I was having a cook out next door. Someone walks past and my partner slaps their butt like it was my butt. I get heated mad, my partner is calm and brushes it off like it was nothing.



We headed back on the road, and desided that being around people does not work for us. Our relationship was glowing with happiness. A whole year pasts by with nothing but love and happiness. Until, we moved and got a new job.

My partner pushed our son and I away for almost a year. We had some good day, but most day was mostly verbal. He/she would tell me to "go cut my throat and hope I take a deep breathe. Get your son he is bothering me. Shut up." My partner would mostly say. I would be cursed and threatened. Until one day, an old friend found me on social media. I was tell them my life since I moved away. I let them know I was not happy and could not please my partner and when I tried they would yell at me. I told my friend that my tax refund was coming and I wanted to start a better life with my son. I said " I need a job and a car." Come to find out later down the road my friend want to take me to the beach to watch the wave. My relationship was feeling lost with my partner and I was mad. I wanted to hurt my partner, i wanted my partner to feel the same way they made me feel. So, I tried to have an affair. My friend and I was kissing, went to find a hotel. I told them I love my partner but I want to have them feel my pain. As soon as we got a room I bailed. Reality hit me and I cried, "I can't do this, I am sad and hurt but I can't hurt the one I love" my friend said okay. I believe my friend was upset. So we talked, I told them I wanted to go home please. After I came home I was questioned and called a hoe before I told my partner what really happened... I was feeling mad again, all over again my partner hurting me so much with words I wanted to hurt them back. I blurted out " I fucked someone. There you happy, are you hurting the same way you make me hurt."

My partner and I was stressed like crazy, just had a baby, pregnant again and are losing everything. On and off the streets no problem we did it. We was stressed but very glad to have one another. Slept behind buildings and in an out of motels.

This was a sad painful day. Had a new baby girl, homeless, and our relationship grew further a part. I got myself into a mess, I lied about having sex with someone, and the pain of hurt in my heart ached like no other. I told and showed how much I was sorry. I tried proving to my partner that I really do love them. My heart aches with out them. Our daughter is two now and I still get thorwn under a bus about the affair. I feel like I deserve it.

I had a couple sort jobs, panhandling and then came a blessing in disguise. My family and I was sleeping behind this store, who saw us everyday walking our kids to and from school. They offered my a job. I had to study like a mad person. It was not easy remembering a 1000 codes in 3 nights, but I did it. I knew this would be a new start, a better life then the streets. Our relationship actually grew a little more those past 8 months. I still was being cursed at every now and then. My partner was trying to forgive me for things he/she thought of me.

We had another love child. Our relationship grew some more. We were in love all over again. Things were going right for us. We have three beautiful kids, a real roof over our heads. We had got a better paying job, saved up for a car and a house. Things was looking good for us. Until, my oldest hit his sister in the eye. He left a shinner, and he got a whopping. His school called me in for a meeting. The cop at the school called DCF and we talked about the small bruse that was above his butt, everything was everything. We all went home and had a normal day. The next day all three of my babies got snatched from my arms. My partner and I relationship was basically gone. I am now just a very sad person, trying my hardest to fight in court for my babies. While trying to keep a romantic relationship with my partner.

I'm missing my babies every day.

How do you handle life?

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