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Are you being abused?? Know the signs.. you might be surprised.

Updated on December 25, 2011

There is help for you


Signs of Domestic Abuse

  • Monitors what you're doing all the time
  • Unfairly accuses you of being unfaithful all the time
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family
  • Prevents or discourages you from going to work or school
  • Gets very angry during and after drinking alcohol or using drugs
  • Controls how you spend your money
  • Controls your use of needed medicines
  • Decides things for you that you should be allowed to decide (like what to wear or eat)
  • Humiliates you in front of others
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about
  • Threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets
  • Hurts you (by hitting, beating, pushing, shoving, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting)
  • Uses (or threatens to use) a weapon against you
  • Forces you to have sex against your will
  • Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant
  • Blames you for his or her violent outbursts
  • Threatens to harm himself or herself when upset with you
  • Says things like, "If I can't have you then no one can."

If you think someone is abusing you, get help. Abuse can have serious physical and emotional effects. No one has the right to hurt you.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or (206) 787-3224 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers).

It can happen to anyone!

Domestic abuse does not discriminate, it can happen to anyone. Any Sex, Race, age, poor, rich, middle class, religion... No one deserves to be abused, and an abuser will make you feel as if it is your fault when actually it's them who has a problem. YOU are NOT the problem. This is the main thing that keeps a victim with an abuser. The victim thinks that if somehow they could change that the abuser will change. WRONG! An abuser will not stop. An abuser feeds off of control and the more you give in the worse the abuse will become. There is help for you.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or (206) 787-3224 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers).

It will stop when you GET HELP...


I am a SURVIVOR of Domestic Abuse

As a former vistim of domestic abuse, I can share with you my story. As a single mother of three children I met my ex-husband at our job. At first he was the perfect gentleman. He said all the right things and made me feel so protected and happy. Slowly he began acting a little over protected, then he became a bit controlling of where I go, who I talk to and how I dress. It was difficult on the job because he would suddenly accuse me of "flirting" with other men. I knew I wasn't but it didn't matter to him, he assured me that I was. I felt horrible about myself. As days passed into months the controlling behavior got worse. He moved in with me to "protect me" as he said. While in "my house" he convinced me to throw away my furniture because he didn't want to sit on or touch anything that any other man had been on. I reluctantly did just so. I lost everything. My children were not involved at this time. They had no idea how he was acting because he was friendly to them. I paid all of the bills, he used his money for whatever he wanted, and laid out of work frequently. Eventually he started controlling my income. As a result of his careless spending, I lost my house. I was to ashamed to tell any of my family. Most of which lives miles away. We ended up living with his brother and sister in law. It was difficult sharing one bedroom with him and my three children who at this point spent most of their time with their dad. The first time he physically abused me was one morning I was very depressed and upset. We started arguing about our situation. I made a comment " I wish I would have never let you in my life". He slapped me and held my head down. Told me to shut my mouth and never disrespect him again.

After about 6 weeks of living in hell, we moved into our own house. We got married. Things were looking up and he was actually being very good to me. He was gentle and romantic and loving. He played with the kids and spent time with us. After about two months, he started using prescription pain pills again. He would get them from his grandmother. The abuse started again. This time much worse. I was getting ready to go to a doctor's appointment and I was in the bathroom getting dressed after my shower. He came into the bathroom in rage. He said I was cheating on him... his words were "fu**ing another man". I couldn't believe it! I asked him how he could think that about me and that it hurts my feelings. I began crying hysterically and screaming at him. He went into a violent rage and threw me against the wall... while screaming in my face and hitting my head repeatedly against the wall he called me every degrading name imaginable. He ripped off my bra and slapped me with it.. it was like I was having a nightmare.. After the attack I cancelled my appointment and stayed crying alone in my bedroom. Of course he apologized! Of course he pampered me! And of course his behavior was better after that. Until.... a little time passed and he began with verbal abuse.

To sum up my story here is quick details of the next 3 years.

Attacks, head trauma, bruises, he went to jail for grabbing the steering wheel of my car while I was driving and wrecked me head on into a tree. Kicking me, choking me in public... no one would step in. Police reports filed, my children screaming and scared, leaving him, he finds me, i come back, he is like a roller coaster of nice..abusive...nice ... abusive. Lost our house again, moved into a dump. Trying to be a good mom and take care of my kids, faking a smile, hiding my secret. Brain washed to think my family and friends really didn't love me.. Threats to kill me.

I SNAPPED. eventually I became numb. Like a robotic disaster I started fighting back. It worked for a while but then he became angrier and the abuse was then mutual. I would throw things and hit him, tried to run over him, pulled his hair out, wrestled him in the dirt, and I remember the taste of my blood mixed with the dirt as he held my face in the dirt.

It came to a final end on Christmas day 2008. He was pilled up and passed out. I needed my car keys to pick up my son. He refused. I became upset and told him that I hate him. He attacked me. I fought back harder than ever before. He blew up like a bomb and punched me repeatedly in the side of my head until I passed out..... He boarded the doors so I wouldn't leave to see a doctor and he took away my phone. Told me I would have to earn the right to leave the house and get my phone back.

I stayed in bed for three days and thought about ending my life. He catered to my every need and was acting like a perfect angel... except this time I wasn't buying into it. I knew I had to get out or he was going to kill me. About 2 weeks after the attack I called a local battered women shelter and talked to a very sweet and caring lady. She assured me that my kids and I would be safe there. She walked me through the ways to get out. Slowly each day I would pack a little of our things up.. clothes, toys, documents etc... I would hide the bags around the house secretly. I was waiting for the right time to make my move. One night he passed out on pills, fell on top of me. I pushed him off and he got mad, called me a bitch like usual and went to bed. I immediately told my daughter.."It's time to go". I called the shelter and whispered "I'm ready". They told me where to go to meet them. My daughter put her ear against the bedroom door and said she would tell me if she heard him get up, or stop snoring. I quickly but quietly packed up my car. We left that night and for good.

The shelter was in a secret location, loaded with security camera's, a safe room, privacy fence, toy room, computer room, kitchen, our own bedroom and our own bathroom.. access to internet, access to television... I met other women and I still to this day keep in touch with them.

The shelter paid for everything I needed including my divorce and a restraining order, I was protected by law enforcement while retrieving the remaining items from the house that were mine including his cell phone which was in my name.

The shelter provided self defense classes, parenting classes, support groups, job assistance, shopping cards and so many wonderful things. We went on picnics, had birthday parties and movie nights. It was like I had a loving family and I was finally gaining my strength back. One of my friend there wasn't so lucky,.,, she couldn't overcome the mental abuse from her ex. As a result she took her life leaving behind her 7 year old son.

I am telling ever woman out there, if you are with an abuser.... GET OUT NOW! He will get worse, he will not stop. If he does stop it will start again. Abusers are abusers and that is just it. You are beautiful, know your worth! Remember when you were a little girl.. remember high school.. remember the birth of your children. You are more than this, and you can find your way back to where you belong.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) or (206) 787-3224 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers).

Wife Beating Caught on Tape!!!


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    • kelmarie80 profile image

      kelmarie80 6 years ago from Five Points Alabama

      Hi Kelly, I finaly got back on here, and I looked at your story. I replied to it on your hub. What you went through is beyond horrific and no one particularly a child should ever have to be put in that situation.

    • KellyPittman profile image

      Kelly Pittman 6 years ago from Walker, LA

      That's why I did it too. It was courageous of us to do so. Here is my story.

    • kelmarie80 profile image

      kelmarie80 6 years ago from Five Points Alabama

      Thank you both. Yes it was hard telling the story of what happened, in fact this was the first time I told it to the whole world, but I thought if I can reach even one person and change their life it would be worth every word I typed.

    • VendettaVixen profile image

      VendettaVixen 6 years ago from Ireland

      Great hub, thanks for taking the time to write and post it. Couldn't have been easy telling your story.

      I'm sorry you had to take that c**p. No-one deserves that.

      You look after yourself, now.

    • KellyPittman profile image

      Kelly Pittman 6 years ago from Walker, LA

      I am glad that you are okay now. Thank you for telling your story. I, too, am a survivor.