- Gender and Relationships
Are You A Better Person When You're With Him?
Relationships should bring out the best in you, not the worst...
Often when we get into relationships we can become so wrapped up in the excitement of having a relationship that we either forgo our own happiness or don't realize if we are still as happy as we were in the beginning. Well...until we start discussing our relationship with friends.
One of the strongest attributes of women is that we love (love, love, love, love) to talk (a lot) about our feelings. We will talk with a girlfriend, a group of girlfriends, the women we work with and our family members (who are female) about our relationships—all the ups and the downs.
When we first meet a guy we will boast about how great he is—because he is (at the time). When issues arise that make us unhappy, we will also talk about those things—even more so—in order to have some sort of understanding or conclusion of what to do. But, do we actually listen to ourselves or the advice of our friends and loved ones?
Are you able to recognize if you are truly a better person when you are with him? Or, are you telling yourself a fable in order to keep yourself from being back in the "single" world again—believing that anyone is better than no one? And, if not, are you willing to do something about it?
There comes a point (OK, there should come a point) when you are dating or in a relationship with a guy—who is creating more stress, tears and anger...versus smiles—that it might be time to reevaluate (because you owe it to yourself) if you are still a better person with him than without. Are you?
If you find yourself continuously complaining about your man and your relationship, that's probably a big sign (Huge Red Flag) that he is not bringing out the best version of you and therefor may not be the right guy for you. Wake-up! Why continue to be with a guy who makes you unhappy to the point that you complain a lot? You're saying the words—out loud—to those who will listen—all the things that make you unhappy, but not doing anything to change the situation. Really? Hmmmm...
Here's the thing, the enlightening part about all relationships is how you actually feel when you are with that person—three to six months (or more). Take the time to get to know someone by spending a lot of quality time together before you proclaim your love. Wait until the honeymoon stage starts to lessen and then ask yourself if you still like him and why? More importantly, does he make you happy and is he bringing out the best in you?
Being a better person when you are with him means that you feel supported, valued, loved, and you also have upmost respect and trust for each other.
Some clues that he is bringing out the best in you:
- When you talk about him it's Mostly positive
- You smile when you are with him
- He calms you when you are upset
- You feel more alive
- You feel more sexy around him
- You feel more organized
- You feel motivated
- You see the world in a better light
- You feel inspired
- You feel balanced
Yay....what woman doesn't like to feel great when they are in a healthy, happy relationship? Unfortunately, not all relationships are meant to be and there are men who will bring out the worst in you. When this happens, it can be obvious to everyone around you...
I have a friend who will tell me—very strongly—that she loves her boyfriend, but when I question that—based on the fact that he disrespects her, cheats on her, and continually lies to her—she will still tell me that what she feels is love. OK? Obviously her lack of love for herself has made her delusional when it comes to the meaning of love. Poor girl.
When my friend is not with her boyfriend she will call crying and complaining about his infidelity—do you blame her? She has not only snooped through his things (computer, social media, phone and entire house) she has also spied on him. Do you think he is bringing out the best in her?
Love should bring out your best qualities, not your worst. Period. Of course there will be moments when things aren't perfect—that's called a relationship—but, it's how you treat each other—and handle those moments—which is the real test. Being a better person when you are with a guy means that you're not only happier, you feel safer, and emotionally stronger when you are together.
Here are some clues that he's not bringing out the best in you:
- You're frustrated often or stressed out
- You're angry or depressed
- You begin to lack confidence in yourself
- You have doubts and concerns about the relationship
- You're neurotic
- You lack trust when you're not with him
- You second guess what he tells you
- You have more sad than happy times
- You complain about him A LOT
- He brings out the cray-cray in you
Life is too short to hold onto any relationship that creates more negativity. If he isn't bringing out the best in you and inspiring you to be a better person, then why stay in the relationship?
Ladies, first learn to be the best version of your SELF by yourself. Only then you will recognize when someone is bringing out the worst in you. When you are striving to be the best you, you will seek that positive energy in a significant other. It's simple, he's not the best...if he's bringing out your worst.