- Gender and Relationships
Are You Emotionally Guarded?
If you are emotionally guarded, it can be easy to disconnect from a relationship when things start to shift unexpectedly.
Change is good, but not all change feels great or even emotionally safe. Whether or not he is willing to open up to you, or maybe he's only around for the good times, or perhaps he has taken on a new job and his life has become busier—whatever it is that has causes a shift in his behavior towards you, can make you pull away and shield your heart quicker than you realize.
Yes, it can be easy to point out flaws that men have, because they do so many things that women cannot seem to comprehend. However, in all honestly, women are just as guilty on many levels. The hardest thing is being honest with yourself regarding your own personal flaws (issues) that are causing you to become guarded.
When you have experienced a heartbreak, it's natural to guard your heart, but is this shield you have created blocking you from love? Yes, it's important to be cautious, however has the guard you have created caused you to disconnect from love at its fullest capacity?
Is the guard you have created around your heart making you overly sensitive—causing you to take things he does and says too personally? Are you continually looking for flaws in him that are not necessarily there? Are you pulling away from him solely out of fear of having your heart broken again?
Falling in love isn't something that I do easily. Although I have dated a lot of men, finding a real connection happens less often for me then you may think. It isn't easy for me to let my heart become completely vulnerable with the whole process of love. When I find a connection, I will emotionally open up—letting myself trust a guy's sincerity until proven wrong. But letting myself fall in-love is entirely different.
Being emotionally guarded doesn't mean that you don't want to be happy. I love being happy in a relationship. Even though it scare me shit-less to put my emotions on the line, it's still a great feeling.
When I'm completely happy, I don't look for or harp on flaws that I would normally let bother me. I work hard to not look for superficial flaws—eyes different sizes, a mole in a weird spot, uniquely shaped toes, etc., that will give me the lame excuse to end things (of course never sharing exactly why). Don't get me wrong, if I feel that my heart is being put into a position of becoming hurt, I can disconnect with a snap of a finger—seeing all flaws more clearly and reasons to end things.
Letting down most of my guard means letting myself flow with the process—not worrying about future stuff (marriage, etc.) or getting caught up in "future-talk." I try to stay in the moment—appreciating everything about him. I also work hard on my own communication and if there is a moment that I emotionally shut down (because we all do at times), I don't stay disconnected for more than a day (max two), knowing that my mood could cause a huge unwanted gap in my relationship. I will trust being vulnerable, which in turn makes me more physically, emotionally and mentally connected.
Allowing my heart to become vulnerable is not an easy task, since it's a symbol of full trust—and I definitely don't fully trust everyone. I am very picky about who I exclusively date or have a relationship with—who I proclaim as my "boyfriend."
In order for most women to develop a deeper connection, it has to stem from an emotional level. That is why if a woman feels emotionally disconnected from the guy she is dating/relationship with, sex can turn from passionate, to an instantaneous drought—and then eventually obsolete.
There are certain things that men do to either can cause a women to connect or disconnect:
- Open and Honest (connect)/ Lying (disconnect)—although the truth might hurt, it is always better than the lie.
- Loyalty (connect)/ Cheating (disconnect)—if you start to having feeling for someone else, break-up with a women first.
- Sharing Difficult Moments (connect)/ Hiding feeling (disconnect)—if you are going through something that is obviously effecting the relationship tell a women versus letting it manifest. The right women will still be by your side.
- Communicate, Communicate, Communicate (connect)/ Shutting Down (disconnect)—the biggest way to make a women walls go up is to shut down communication.
- Being Present When You're With A Woman (connect)/ Being Distracted (disconnect)—I'm not saying that there won't be distractions that come up now and then, but the distractions shouldn't be consistent—answering phone calls/text, checking out Facebook, Instagram, Internet, etc.
- High on Your Priority (connect)/ Low Priority (disconnect)—feeling secondary will give a woman every reason to eventually walk away.
Since most women are triggered by emotions—including their libidos, when a guy changes his patterns of how he treats you, it can cause you to emotionally disconnect or shut down altogether — not wanting to move forward. I realize that all relationships take time for each person to be comfortable with what they decide to share or how they will potentially move forward. The slower the relationship—the longer time it will take to become comfortable and fully connect. Either way, communication shouldn’t cease—or should the effort he's making. That's why telling someone you love them should be done with caution.
Can you tell someone you love and mean it, if you can't communicate or are able to lie easily—isn't that a little backwards?
Love is a very strong word and shouldn't be taken lightly, however, often times it is. There are some men who will tell you that they love you, but will look you in the eyes and lie. He will tell you that he loves you, but will cheat on you. He will tell you that he love you, but he won't communicate what's wrong. He will tell you he loves you, but will consistently put you on the bottom of his priority list. Yikes! Why do you think so many women are emotionally guarded?
When I equate the word love, I equate it to trust. Do I trust that this guy will protect my heart? Do I trust that he will love me unconditionally and without judgment? Do I trust that his intentions are real? And do I trust that he won't abandon me?
Ladies, love is never easy, but if you have your heart guarded all of the time, you could miss out on love. Even though love isn't guaranteed to last forever, it's worth the experience, and each time you do open yourself up to love—you come closer to finding the one. Work hard at letting down your guard and opening your heart to all possibilities, because staying emotionally guarded doesn't create happiness.
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