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Are You Giving Him Too Many Chances?

Updated on July 6, 2015
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My passion is writing about love, sex, dating, and relationships. I write based on my own personal experiences and those that I relate to.

Sometimes women give men way too many chances....

An argument ensues over something he's done—you talk it out (or so you think) but then he does it again. You address the issue a second time—then it happens AGAIN. His reasoning when it happens the third time, is that you should accept his flaws? Really?! If he has no desire to change his actions, why did he tell you that he would? Should you continue take back a guy who continues to make the same mistakes? But are they really mistakes if he keeps doing them? How many chances should you ultimately give him?

How many times should you keep taking a guy back—over and over again—for something he's done to upset you? Sometimes tolerance, which is fueled by the hope of love, can blindside a woman's instincts.

Wanting the happily-ever after so badly that you can taste it like a piece of chocolate melting on your tongue can make you throw out all sense of reasoning and make you do irrational things, like giving a guy way too many chances when he clearly doesn't respect you or your relationship. Do you really want to be with a man that disregards your feelings and how his actions affect you?

Although I do believe in second chances, how many should you give before declaring enough is enough?

Obviously the chances you decided to give should be determined by what the guy actually did. If it wasn't anything “serious” then deciding to be done after one strike might be a little harsh. Of course if there is a huge red flag early on in the relationship, then one strike before you’re done might be necessary. Again, how do you determine when too many chances is really just pathetic desperation to keep a man, and not really love?

I've said this many times in other articles—women are really great at coming up with excuse after excuse as to why she should forgive a guy and take him back when it's crystal clear to everyone around her that the guy she is with is not the right match for her. It's sad for any woman to think and believe that there is no way she will find a guy who is better suited for her and will treat her with the respect and love that she deserves.

Many times, women will let intense chemistry overpower her reasoning, causing her to forgive and take back a guy who continues to do the same things that upsets her. This chemistry is like an addictive drug—she can’t function without out it. Is intense chemistry really worth taking back a guy—again and again—if you know you will never be completely happy in the long run?

It's hard to think about having to give up on a relationship that you were hoping would work out...I get it, I've been there before. There are men that I have given way more chances than they deserved and they all ended with the nothing to show but a failed relationship or time lost that I could never get back. I've also given men only one chance to disappoint me before I ended things…in hindsight probably not the best tactic, but my heart (which was guarded) thought so at the time. Do I know the magic number of chances that I give before I'm done? No, but usually it's around three, especially for recurrence of the same issues.

Yes, there is a risk involved when you put your heart out there. This risk can definitely make you want to wary of the amount of chances you give.

When you risk your heart to potentially get broken, this can make it easier to cut ties with a guy as soon as he makes one mistake. On the flip-side, it can also make you hold on even tighter, in hopes that by doing so you won't have to endure starting over.

Starting over is never fun. At the same time, staying with the wrong person because your ego is unable to let go due to fear is just as bad. When you hang on to the wrong person it's usually because you want to prove to others that you are not another statistic—that you haven't (once again) entered a relationship that failed. Or, maybe this need is because your parents and family haven't been supportive—placing unnecessary pressure on you to marry and have children "before your eggs get too old,"—so being with any guy is better than being with no one. Or maybe you want to prove to friends who are already married that you’re not the last single girl standing so you end up settling. Or, the most common, you lack self-love. "What! I love myself!" you really?

I know that no man (nor woman) is ever going to be perfect, no matter how great you think he (she) is or how great you think you are together. Everyone makes mistakes and shouldn't be executed (broken up with) without being given their rights—communication, and an opportunity to state their case. However, if you don't love and respect yourself, what man will?

Love, love, love yourself. Sounds simple, but for so many women it is not. Men can sense when a woman lacks self-love and when they know this, they will use this to their advantage. They will continue to emotionally hurt you, do things to upset you and/or emotionally control you. Unfortunately the lack of your own self-love (even if youre really upset), will keep you in a state of never-ending acceptance of bad behavior…you forgive him (chance), stay with him (chance), and will continue to take him back (chance, chance, chance, chance…chance). Lacking self-love makes it harder to decipher what you really want.

Ladies, it's important to have self-love so that you don't let a guy take advantage of you or treat you like an emotional punching bag. Self-love will give you a sort of “bionic woman” ability to see through bullshit even quicker. Self-love doesn't mean that your heart can't be swayed. What it means is that when it gets swayed it won't completely blind you, you will be strong enough to feel and know how many chances you should ultimately give him.

P.S. If you enjoy my writing, please help me become more known by clicking on the links above—Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn, and following me here on HubPages. I appreciate it! Sending you light and love! ;)


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