- Gender and Relationships
Are You Keeping Your Relationship Spicy?
It’s an age-old myth that after years in a serious, committed marriage (or relationship) the "spiciness" between the couple begins to fizzle—and then fade. However, it’s called a myth for a reason! I know numerous couples who have been dating or married (for at least seven years), and they have mastered the art of maintaining the spiciness.
So, what’s the secret to keeping the relationship hot, hot, hot? Besides being physically attracted to each other, the couple works as a team, planning date nights, treating each other special, consistently showing their appreciation for each other, and keeping themselves healthy. Most importantly, they keep things from getting too routine in the bedroom—it’s all about spontaneity, people! In addition, you need to be aware of your significant other’s on and off “button”—i.e things that that turn them on and things that make them have a headache. As you get to know you partner better, you’ll learn their pet peeves, their frustrations—and on the contrary—what they enjoy.
For example, if you know that your significant other hates when the toilet seat is left up, or when he/she hates when dirty dishes are left in the sink, take a clue! Don’t continue to do things that frustrate them or create unnecessary drama—plain and simple. Instead, be conscious and make an effort to avoid tension—i.e. if you know it will make the other person happy…put the toilet seat down. Take a few minutes to ask (and actually listen) about how their day was at work; this will show you care.
I know there are people reading this that are saying, “But we have children! There is no time to keep things spicy!” Fortunately, children do have an early bedtime. If this is instilled in your household, it (should) mean more quality time with your spouse. Also, there are babysitters! By committing to at least one date a week—getting dressed up and doing something romantic—it will help keep the relationship exciting. Either bring flowers home, make dinner for each other (or together), help with chores, get a couples massage, etc.—these are merely simple suggestions to keep the spiciness up. At the end of the day, don’t blame your rut because you have children, you made them together, so that’s worth celebrating.
Simply “going through the motions” is boring—every relationship needs a little spice. Ask yourself, what are you doing to create some zing in your relationship?