- Gender and Relationships
Are You Listening To The Actions Of Your Significant Other?
Are you constantly justifying the actions of your significant other for his bad behavior? If so, you are not fulfilling your relationship potential. Quite the contrary, as you are lowering your own personal standards.
When you listening to your significant other, it simply means paying attention and really hearing what his body language, along with his words are telling you. Compared to what he is saying to you, his actions should not be the complete opposite. By paying attention to all of the obvious signs, you can have better clarity if you are always honest with yourself, versus making endless excuse after excuse for his crappy behavior.
By continuing to justify to yourself, how he possibly really feels about you and your relationship, you are selling yourself short. Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean that the precise moment something negative happens you should break-up or runaway. Always give him the benefit of doubt and talk to him first. However, don't continue to give him free passes on his bad behavior if negative actions continually arise—that will only make you look like the fool.
Far too often, women make one pathetic excuse after another for their partner’s lack of effort. They will tell their friends the relationship is incredible, even though it’s (obviously) a far cry from anything ideal. If you’re dealing with a guy who is “taking” too much, and not “giving” enough, it’s time to let him know how you feel. A guy who tells you he loves you and misses you but makes no effort to see you....his actions are telling you that he's not very interested in you. Well, maybe for sex. Sure, it’s important to be optimistic that things will change, but actions always speak louder than words. If you believe any differently, you are setting yourself up for continual heartbreak.
Why does it seem so difficult to hold your partner accountable for their own behavior? Someone who truly cares about you and the relationship will always make time for you. He will move mountains to be with you—figuring out ways to spend quality time together, versus giving you a bunch of excuses and justifications as to why he just can't make this happen. A significant other who honestly loves you will also treat you with respect and speak to you in a kind, thoughtful, and benevolent manner.
If your significant other can find the time to schedule a gym session, watch TV, cook a homemade dinner, and stay up late...and still not have enough time in the day for you, the issue stems from priority imbalance—aka...perhaps he really is not all that into you! However, if your significant other is genuinely busy, he can show that he cares by meeting for a quick lunch, scheduling time to working out at the gym together, planning a coffee date, etc. Also, if your better half is a night owl (assuming you are too), that’s another opportunity to enjoy each other's company. Again, the term still holds true: where there's a will, there is a way.
Realistically—when you’re dating someone—you don’t necessarily have to see them every single day; in fact, a little space can be quite beneficial. But, there is always time to fit someone into your life—if you really want him or her to be a part of it! Finding time to see your boyfriend or girlfriend shows that you care—sometimes it just requires adjusting your schedule. Seeing someone you are “supposedly dating” at least once or twice a week isn’t asking for much...which is ironic because you shouldn’t be a burden or feel the need to ask at all.
If you find that you must convince your significant other why he should make the time to see you—ladies, this is a Red Flag! A guy who actually wants to be with you—and envisions a future with you, will not need any persuading by you. Having to "plead your case" only makes you look pathetic and needy. Yikes!
Relationships are a two-way street. Instead of listening to a bevy of empty promises that continue to string you along, pay attention to your partner’s actions. After hearing excuse after excuse, it probably means that he doesn't truly care about spending face-to-face time with you, which again is definitely a red flag. If you are in a relationship with a guy who supposedly “loves” you, but is consistently making very little effort, disrespects your feelings, puts you at the bottom of his priority list, or possibly degrades you—what are his actions really saying? And, are you listening?
Don't ever be afraid to question any poor type of behavior you are experiencing from him. The guy who is right for you will listen to your concerns, be empathetic and change if he really does care. Always listen to your gut and ask yourself, “What do I really want?” Do you really want to be with a guy who either: doesn’t want to make time for you, suddenly can’t fit you into his schedule (unless he's horny), or feels it’s acceptable to speak to you in a hurtful way? I wouldn't.
Ultimately, you know that you deserve better. However, you won’t realize alternative relationship opportunities unless you let go of what is currently not working. I know this can be extremely difficult, especially if you haven't had much luck in the love department. But, on the flip side, you will continue to have one unsuccessful relationship after another if you are not brutally honest with yourself about what is not working, and why. Next step: Change your pattern.
Ladies, in order to fully realize what is not working, you must remove any physical attraction out of the decision-making equation. Be strong. Value yourself. When you do finally realize this and continue to believe that you indeed deserve better, you will find yourself attracting just that ... a "better" class of potential partners. Food for thought: Always make sure your actions are speaking more clearly than your words, as that is what he will remember about you as you walk away . . .
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