- Gender and Relationships
Are You In A Relationship With Someone Who's Love-crazed? -Stephanie Bailey
Let’s be clear: there is a difference between calling your partner “crazy” and “love-crazed.” If you decide to forgo communicating face-to-face about what you expect in the relationship—deciding instead not to contact the person you are dating when you start dating other people—don’t act surprised when this person continues to call, text, and show up at your home wondering what happened. This type of behavior, due to your lack of actions, does not make them crazy.
Yes, love can stir up emotions and make one act a bit outrageous, but there is a difference between being “crazy” and “love-crazed.”
Love-crazed behavior can feels so confusing and dramatic, especially when you’re young. Now imagine you’re in your mid-thirties (or older), experiencing it from the person you are dating (who also happens to be of similar age). When this recently happened to me, it was shocking!
A relationship that is love-crazed forms when someone has experienced true love for the first time; and therefore develops ridiculous expectations due to low self-esteem and insecurity. Theses emotions don’t reveal themselves right away…being love-crazed builds over time. The secure, confident person you originally met will slowly be taken over by obsession and jealousy. Day by day there will be signs, but you ignore them because the levelheaded, poised person (at this point) outweighs the craziness. Then one day, after you have fallen in love, the crazy behavior takes over and you feel as if you are in a version of The Body Snatcher, except in this case, it’s The Mind Snatcher.
Naturally you start to ask yourself, “How can someone who states they love me act so nutty at times?” This happens when someone does not love themselves causing them to put way to many impractical and immature expectations onto the relationship, as well as you. Yikes!
How can you ease their insecurities without making you resent them? It’s difficult to say the least and draining no matter how loving and patience you are. The reality is…you may walk away with some resentment. Why should you take the abuse of accusations of mistrust over and over again especially when you’ve never done anything to be mistrusted? Someone who experiences love-crazed is also very insecure and will accuse you of cheating or having thoughts about cheating—and no matter what you say and do—it’s only to cover up your suspected cheating.
In their mind, you are guilty without evidence…even though you have never cheated or even thought about cheating. If you’re late coming home from work, due to traffic or a late meeting, or maybe looking in the direction of the opposite sex, you are undoubtedly cheating or intending to flirt. Being “disrespectful” is the constant mantra you’re significant other will consistently chant, even though you are not “checking” anyone out.
Ludicrously, in your partner’s head, you have ill-will intent towards the relationship; they believe you are only with them until something better comes around. Seriously, if that was the case wouldn’t you just move on and be with someone who was emotionally stable? And more importantly, why would anyone be with someone they do not trust?
When you get involved with someone who has low self-esteem (and possibly bipolar issues) they will believe anything because their emotions are on full flight. People who are love-crazed don’t fall in love often, but when they do, it immediately backfires. They start to act possessively, and this emotional rollercoaster suffocates the relationship.
So, how do you calm love-crazed? With a lot of patience and understanding that love itself isn’t crazy, but fear-based love is. The crazy actions come from someone who is so afraid of having their heart broken. Instead of letting their heart fully experience love, they will emotionally hold too tight—causing paranoia. They are drawn to their partner’s faults, in order to protect from getting their heart broken. Ironically, the fear they have of losing the relationship eventually causes the relationship to end.
When your love-crazed partner is able to accept what love truly is, they are able to appreciate the relationship as a whole; they will recognize that the two of you have built a foundation of trust, support, and understanding. Hopefully with time (and a great therapist), the crazy behavior will dissipate and an emotionally balanced loving one will flourish.
Remember, sometimes all it takes is re-assurance that you are fully committed to the relationship for them to end their “crazy” talk. At the end of the day, if they are still questioning your faithfulness, it’s time to find someone who you can be head-over-heels, crazy-in-love with—because that’s the kind of “love-crazed” you want.