- Gender and Relationships»
Arranged or love marriage- which is a better option?
If you live in western countries, the concept of arranged marriage would sound weird and strange to you. How to marry a person, whom you do not know would be your question. Fair enough! You marry the person you love and you feel that you are the luckiest person. Then why is it in western countries the ratio of divorce is very high. Where has the love gone? In India arranged marriages are still common and there is family support for the couples when they need it.
Am I professing that arranged marriages are better than love marriages? Not at all. Am I then insisting that love marriages are the quintessential of an ideal marriage? I am not doing that either. In arranged marriages couples take time to understand each other and sometimes this learning and understanding process gives so much of unknown pleasure and happiness. It is love after marriage for the couples whose marriages are arranged.
In love marriage, you enter into a bond of love after understanding each other and you are confirmed that you both cannot exist without one another. Then your marriage must be heavenly, isn’t it? Then how it is that everything turns sour and you cannot stand the sight of each other, after just a few years of marriage. It does not matter if your marriage is arranged or a love marriage. Your marriage does not stand on that footing.
Your marriage survives only when there is love and nothing else can save it. Nowadays marriages are treated very lightly and divorce becomes the easy way out for most couples. Your contention is that it is better to go your separate ways than to live together in a reconciled bondage. You do not think of the repercussions your divorce is going to have on your children. This callous disregard for emotions makes any marriage, it might be arranged or love marriage a hell.
I pity couples who say they cannot co exist together. What has gone wrong? You are the same person, he\she is the same person, but where is love? Why is it that you do not see eye to eye. Accepting and loving your spouse with all his\her drawbacks is what marriage is all about. You cannot have a perfect marriage and it is the same with everyone. Arranged or love marriage, you deal with emotions in marriage and when that emotions get tilted towards incompatibility and inaptness, everything falls apart.
When in love there are no responsibilities and you are carefree and you need not bother about your purse. You are more than willing to spend lavishly on your spouse and you spring surprise gifts on her\him. Everything is rosy and you cannot wait for the day of your wedding. You now live together in the same house and everything is not that OK. You do not like certain habits of your spouse and instead of adjusting to it; you make a crime of it. You forget anniversaries and birthdays and it is construed as your lack of love.
Lots of responsibilities make you tense and you show your tension as anger. Fireworks flash, with each putting the blame on one another. You seem to have nothing new to talk about and everything becomes mundane and routine. You can now see that it does not at all matter whether your marriage is an arranged or a love marriage. All that matters is the way you live your married life. When there are adjustments and tolerance, the spark of your love is always bright, but when you cannot tolerate faults and want your spouse to be what you want her\him to be, resentment and bitterness makes you want to sign your divorce papers.