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As the Love Goes Down

Updated on January 14, 2015

The Broken Fix

One of my closest friends realized that she can't go on pining over her ex that she broke up with a year ago. They had been living together for four years and had seemed to be real happy. My friend and her guy was the type of couple that were so into each other that you would feel like you are intruding if you were on a double date with them. As fun as they were together I would have never imagined that they were having problems.

She informed me that they talked about getting married but my friend felt like her guy was afraid because he had been married before. I wasn't aware that her boyfriend left her twice out of the four years but it was temporary. I could see the hurt in my friend's eyes as we talked over a bottle of vodka. I really felt bad for my friend because she had been carrying this around for a long time. Unfortunately you can't force a man into wanting to be with you it has to come from his heart. I asked her what prompt her to break up with him this time and she told me because she didn't want to hold him back. "He seems to have a hard time communicating with me."

Being that this is a new year my friend told me that she was wasting her life on a man that doesn't know what he wants from her. Some days he wants to be with her while on other days he has gotten use to being alone. Last year they were officially not together but they hung out with one another as if they were starting back up again. After hearing the whole story from her side I was a little upset because it seemed like he was playing with her emotions.

The guy was a good man and father but it seemed like he couldn't love my friend the way she needs to be loved. I reminisced on the time that we all went out on a double date at an Italian restaurant. My best friend's man did mention as we were having that battle of the sexes conversation that a man doesn't want to feel emasculated. It makes me wonder was that the reason why the two of them couldn't get on the same page. At the time I didn't read too much into it especially since it wasn't my guy talking about being emasculated. Generally speaking I thought he was just talking from a man's prospective.

My friend clearly needed to get all of her feelings out and the vodka helped her to have a clear mind about it. The emotion that she showed about this man made me want to cry because I never experienced a love like that before. It was purely unconditional to the point where she told me in her own words she couldn't be mad at him. Wanting nothing but the best for him regardless if he was with her or not. Loving somebody like that want be an easy task to get over. This makes me ask the question, does true love have conditions to it?


As she confessed to me that a couple of years ago she was pregnant by him and decided to terminate her pregnancy rather than have a baby with a man who wasn't sure about her. My mouth dropped to know that my friend was facing this by herself. The sad part about it is she made the decision because she didn't want her love to feel like she was trapping him. Truly a blood sacrifice and I bet he doesn't appreciate it. Now I have to go into over drive to help my friend repair her heart. There is just one problem I am not doctor fix a heart. Only love can bring a person back to life, from a dark place, and out of the eye of bitterness.

Advice

You can't give up on love no matter how far down it goes.

Don't let the past allow your heart to get bitter.

Remember true love makes you feel inspired, changes your outlook, and opens your heart beyond closing.

Even though I knew my friend wasn't ready to date I tried to cheer her up by showing her a video that is posted below. Actually I was trying to give her an idea of getting back out there and putting the past in the past.

Now that doesn't mean that if you are in love with someone that you are supposed to take all of their crap. Having a forgiving love offers them a second chance to be with you.





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    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 2 years ago

      Two things jump out concerning your friend.

      1. She is the one that broke up with him! (It was her decision)

      2. "she confessed to me that a couple of years ago she was pregnant by him and decided to terminate her pregnancy rather than have a baby with a man who wasn't sure about her."

      It sounds like she knew he was not "in love" with her. I disagree with your belief that (he) was playing with her emotions. After all she is the one who ended the relationship. Every minute he spent with her afterwards was a minute she chose to spend with him as well.

      Maybe she called herself (shocking) him and hoped that he'd realize he was "in love" and asked to be taken back. It didn't work out as (she) hoped.

      Sometimes couples who have been together for years will attempt to become "instant platonic friends" but oftentimes they end up becoming a "booty call" or "friends with benefits" until one of them finally moves on.

      You stated they were together for 4 years and the pregnancy occurred 2 years into the relationship and she (knew) then that he did not consider her to be "the one". That probably would have been the time for her to walk away as opposed to investing another 2 years. She should understand:

      In order for him to be "the one" he would have to see her as being "the one". At the very least a (soul-mate) is someone who actually wants to be with you and vice versa! You also stated (he left her twice) in the past!

      These are things she should keep in mind. Oftentimes people have a way of "romanticizing the past". Based upon what you've written he was never as "into her" as she was "into him". Continue to support your friend but also help her to put things in perspective.

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde