Asexuals in a world dominated by sex
How we asexuals face a world that hardly understands us
So far I have written hubs talking about different issues, and some include topics on sexual orientation and relationships.
Tonight I want to spend some time writing and educating on an uncommon sexual orientation, which has slowly beginning to be known but is still more in the invisible side than the visible: asexuality.
Generally, and tonight I proudly announce my sexual orientation as an aromantic asexual, we are about 2 to 3% of the human population, that is, estimating the population of 7 billion we are 210 million asexuals, just a bit more than the population of Brazil, so we are a huge number of people. We asexuals are simple men and women that have absolutely no sexual attraction towards anyone. When we see another person, we don't think about sex, we don't fantasize sexually with that person. Asexual, the opposite of pansexual (in the broad sense) and bisexual (in the simplified sense).
Now, there is a number of people who, for some reason, cannot register that people like us can exist. Their fixation with sex goes to the point that all of us have a sexual side and that the closest thing to asexual is really repression of the sexual feeling. Some come to the point to the believe sex is like food and sleeping. Is funny because I am 29 and have never had sex and am a celibate, yet I am still alive and happy and no signs of dying anytime soon are on the horizon. Sex is not a vital thing in life for the asexuals.
Some people are so obsessed with sex that they equate sex with things that hardly have to do anything with it. And some believe that the sexuality is so "undeniable" in all beings that they claim nobody is fully heterosexual or homosexual, but a tendency towards one of them based on biological characteristics. And people like us are labeled as either repressed sexuals who have had traumas, biological problems, or the like.
It would take some time to explain how I discovered my asexuality but it can be summarized in that I have found actually I am heteroplatonic. Asexuality is quite complex to understand as not necessarily the orientation bans people from getting into a relationship, although it is quite hard to establish a relationship with a sexual person unless he or she has control over his/her sexual instincts. It is almost impossible that a highly sexual person can find satisfaction with an asexual, but it is not impossible that a sexual and an asexual person establish a relationship since the asexual can be flexible towards the sexual person and vice versa so long they understand their orientations as to not have any conflict. Asexuals who can engage in relationships can be either heteroromantic, homoromantic, or biromantic, corresponding to a romantic attraction towards the opposite sex, the same sex or both respectively. What differentiates these people from the corresponding heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual counterparts is the ingredient of sexual attraction, that is, the need of strong physical bonding through sex.
Aromantics, like me, don't possess any kind of romantic attachment, either, so what I am, an arromantic asexual, is basically a person which only option is celibacy. There is a third orientation that can enter into this complex aspect of asexuality, which is the platonic orientation. I am actually heteroplatonic, meaning I have a special, pure/noble distant attraction toward women. When I see a beautiful lady, she catches my eye and I find it very "attractive" some attributes women can have, but that stays only in my mind; the desire to be sweet and corny with her is not there, there is nothing romantic in me. Perhaps this has been more of a choice but is based on hard experiences when I failed to make the girls I liked to look and consider me, together with some other things I have seen around me. Of course there can be people who are aplatonic, homoplatonic or biplatonic; but the platonic orientation hardly affects the kind of life an asexual will have; heteroromantic asexuals may reach the possibility of a relationship with another person, as can homoromantic and biromantic; aromantic asexuals, regardless of the platonic orientation, are celibates by default.
Now, how can we be more visible and how the people view us in comparison of other minor groups like the people in the LBGT community?
There are different opinions on the asexuals. As mentioned before, some people think we have a biological or psychological problem. I personally consider those people to stand on the line of mediocrity and ant-sized brain analysis. There are also people who simply believe we are freaks. We are humans and some of us have quite normal lives, including heteroromantic asexuals who marry, have children and have a pretty much standard average human life so long the other person in the relationship is also asexual or at least a flexible heterosexual person. Aromantics are similar to celibates, except that "standard" celibates have a sexual drive which they choose to bypass. But there are fantasies, desires to sleep with the person, etc. in all heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual people, it cannot be denied or repressed. There are people who accept us and consider us simply a fourth, realistic people who simply are not sexual and they understand we are "wired" differently. We are no freaks, we are different, just like an Hispanic has differences with a Caucasian or a woman have differences with a man. There is nothing strange or anything to worry about. And there are also those who find our orientation so special that would like to become like us, but the sexual drive in them simply can't make them asexual. Asexuality, just like any other sexual orientation, is brought from birth, it cannot be chosen.
On these days, the LBGT community are trying hard to be accepted in a society that keeps a high degree of homophobia, and asexuals are not really that different in these sense because some people don't respect our orientation either. Religious fanatics still consider us "out of order" because they believe all people ought to reproduce and they believe everyone has to be heterosexual. The degree of inferior analysis and mediocrity in some religious groups is not of surprise considering the high number of hypocrites and fiascos found in different religious institutions. So we have to educate and try to explain to this people all over again that we are humans and we are what we are. Asexuals are less offended than homosexuals even though homosexuality has reached since several decades ago a degree of acceptance from professional people that work on sexuality and orientation issues. There are no "swear words" to refer to us, yet, while we all know all the names used upon the gays, especially the word beginning with f. Yet we can, if possible, unite with the homosexual groups for the cause of educating those who are indoctrinated and zombified by mediocre mentalities filled with bigotry and ignorance.
I am going to write some additional hubs in the future on this issue, but at the mean time it is a good idea that if you are interested, research about people like us. We are called the aces, and we are humans, just not driven into sex.