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Asexuals in a world dominated by sex

Updated on October 18, 2012

How we asexuals face a world that hardly understands us

So far I have written hubs talking about different issues, and some include topics on sexual orientation and relationships.

Tonight I want to spend some time writing and educating on an uncommon sexual orientation, which has slowly beginning to be known but is still more in the invisible side than the visible: asexuality.

Generally, and tonight I proudly announce my sexual orientation as an aromantic asexual, we are about 2 to 3% of the human population, that is, estimating the population of 7 billion we are 210 million asexuals, just a bit more than the population of Brazil, so we are a huge number of people. We asexuals are simple men and women that have absolutely no sexual attraction towards anyone. When we see another person, we don't think about sex, we don't fantasize sexually with that person. Asexual, the opposite of pansexual (in the broad sense) and bisexual (in the simplified sense).

Now, there is a number of people who, for some reason, cannot register that people like us can exist. Their fixation with sex goes to the point that all of us have a sexual side and that the closest thing to asexual is really repression of the sexual feeling. Some come to the point to the believe sex is like food and sleeping. Is funny because I am 29 and have never had sex and am a celibate, yet I am still alive and happy and no signs of dying anytime soon are on the horizon. Sex is not a vital thing in life for the asexuals.

Some people are so obsessed with sex that they equate sex with things that hardly have to do anything with it. And some believe that the sexuality is so "undeniable" in all beings that they claim nobody is fully heterosexual or homosexual, but a tendency towards one of them based on biological characteristics. And people like us are labeled as either repressed sexuals who have had traumas, biological problems, or the like.

It would take some time to explain how I discovered my asexuality but it can be summarized in that I have found actually I am heteroplatonic. Asexuality is quite complex to understand as not necessarily the orientation bans people from getting into a relationship, although it is quite hard to establish a relationship with a sexual person unless he or she has control over his/her sexual instincts. It is almost impossible that a highly sexual person can find satisfaction with an asexual, but it is not impossible that a sexual and an asexual person establish a relationship since the asexual can be flexible towards the sexual person and vice versa so long they understand their orientations as to not have any conflict. Asexuals who can engage in relationships can be either heteroromantic, homoromantic, or biromantic, corresponding to a romantic attraction towards the opposite sex, the same sex or both respectively. What differentiates these people from the corresponding heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual counterparts is the ingredient of sexual attraction, that is, the need of strong physical bonding through sex.

Aromantics, like me, don't possess any kind of romantic attachment, either, so what I am, an arromantic asexual, is basically a person which only option is celibacy. There is a third orientation that can enter into this complex aspect of asexuality, which is the platonic orientation. I am actually heteroplatonic, meaning I have a special, pure/noble distant attraction toward women. When I see a beautiful lady, she catches my eye and I find it very "attractive" some attributes women can have, but that stays only in my mind; the desire to be sweet and corny with her is not there, there is nothing romantic in me. Perhaps this has been more of a choice but is based on hard experiences when I failed to make the girls I liked to look and consider me, together with some other things I have seen around me. Of course there can be people who are aplatonic, homoplatonic or biplatonic; but the platonic orientation hardly affects the kind of life an asexual will have; heteroromantic asexuals may reach the possibility of a relationship with another person, as can homoromantic and biromantic; aromantic asexuals, regardless of the platonic orientation, are celibates by default.

Now, how can we be more visible and how the people view us in comparison of other minor groups like the people in the LBGT community?

There are different opinions on the asexuals. As mentioned before, some people think we have a biological or psychological problem. I personally consider those people to stand on the line of mediocrity and ant-sized brain analysis. There are also people who simply believe we are freaks. We are humans and some of us have quite normal lives, including heteroromantic asexuals who marry, have children and have a pretty much standard average human life so long the other person in the relationship is also asexual or at least a flexible heterosexual person. Aromantics are similar to celibates, except that "standard" celibates have a sexual drive which they choose to bypass. But there are fantasies, desires to sleep with the person, etc. in all heterosexual, homosexual and bisexual people, it cannot be denied or repressed. There are people who accept us and consider us simply a fourth, realistic people who simply are not sexual and they understand we are "wired" differently. We are no freaks, we are different, just like an Hispanic has differences with a Caucasian or a woman have differences with a man. There is nothing strange or anything to worry about. And there are also those who find our orientation so special that would like to become like us, but the sexual drive in them simply can't make them asexual. Asexuality, just like any other sexual orientation, is brought from birth, it cannot be chosen.

On these days, the LBGT community are trying hard to be accepted in a society that keeps a high degree of homophobia, and asexuals are not really that different in these sense because some people don't respect our orientation either. Religious fanatics still consider us "out of order" because they believe all people ought to reproduce and they believe everyone has to be heterosexual. The degree of inferior analysis and mediocrity in some religious groups is not of surprise considering the high number of hypocrites and fiascos found in different religious institutions. So we have to educate and try to explain to this people all over again that we are humans and we are what we are. Asexuals are less offended than homosexuals even though homosexuality has reached since several decades ago a degree of acceptance from professional people that work on sexuality and orientation issues. There are no "swear words" to refer to us, yet, while we all know all the names used upon the gays, especially the word beginning with f. Yet we can, if possible, unite with the homosexual groups for the cause of educating those who are indoctrinated and zombified by mediocre mentalities filled with bigotry and ignorance.

I am going to write some additional hubs in the future on this issue, but at the mean time it is a good idea that if you are interested, research about people like us. We are called the aces, and we are humans, just not driven into sex.


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    • ESP1983 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Tampa, Florida

      Indeed, we must analyze that many of the people who are breeding are doing so for inappropriate pressures, coming from both religion and society. Heterosexuals have always been the vast majority, but it may be interesting to know which percent of human really are composed of heterosexuals, because there maybe a possibility that the number of bisexuals may be even bigger than homosexuals, which are (assumed, including closeted and open) to be around 10% and asexuals count for nearly 1-3%. With 7 billion people, the number of bis, aces and gays will probably grow in rate, because as you say, balance must occur.

    • d.william profile image


      5 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      I have to tell you firstly that is is one of the most brilliant articles i have ever read here on H.P. or anywhere else regarding this little know phenomenon.

      Psychological or emotional amorphism is a true human condition that is rarely addressed, as it is so little understood. i wrote a hub called: are people born gay? in which i added a graph that shows the degrees between a true heterosexual and a true homosexual. Of course religions, in their inbred ignorance, discount such phenomena, as their vision is completely narrow and askew with their own inner fears and guilts that are well maintained by their innate lack of logic and reality. [Some of these people still actually believe that the world was created 6,000 years ago - amazing.]

      With the population explosion taking place on this planet, it will not be too long before there is no more room to accommodate all the people. Mother nature has a way of controlling species taking over and dominating all else. Some of us believe that homosexuality is just one more step in the evolution of man toward a race of totally asexual beings, that will produce only when our species needs to be replenished.

      But the craziness of religious beliefs will continue to cause untold suffering, pain, and deaths, to desperately try to hold onto their barbaric beliefs, before there can be any real changes made in our world.

    • ESP1983 profile imageAUTHOR


      5 years ago from Tampa, Florida

      It depends on the priorities and the sexual control a person can have. Heteroromantic and homoromantic asexuals can still feel a special affection for someone else, it is just that sex does not enter the equation of the feelings felt towards that person, which is what distinguishes sexual people from asexual people. Say a heteroromantic asexual man should not really fall, if possible, with a heterosexual woman unless the woman know that sex is not everything. It is difficult for a person who really likes and enjoys sex to have success in a relationship with an asexual person. We are not many, in my case is not so bad because I am aromantic and celibate, but asexuals that still have the desire of forming a home with somebody else will have to be aware it won't be easy to find someone that may fit with him or her because 97% of humans are sexual, and even among asexuals, they still have to discount asexuals with a different romantic/platonic orientation.

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      Intriguing and well written.

      I'm one of those folks who, while strongly sexual, have no problem whatsoever with those who are not...except if the asexual happens to be married to me. My second wife was either asexual or very close to it, though not aromantic. (I have 6 divorces; Pam is my 7th wife, 16 years and still hooked at the hip.) When #2 and I split, it was by mutual agreement, and we remain friends to this day.

      In 1985, between wives at the time, I ended up spending a lot of my spare time in the company of a professional jazz flutist who--while not asexual per se--had no interest in a physical relationship with me. As a result, I wrote a comedy song (which was 100% true) titled Platonic Love. Platonic Love became the title cut of the first music album I ever recorded.

      Voted Up and More.


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