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Attention Men: All Women Are Not Gold Diggers!

Updated on February 19, 2014

Wanting a Man with a Job is Not Gold Digging

This Hub, like many of my others, has been inspired not only by my life events, but also by my favorite source of guilty pleasures: The Yahoo.com articles and more specifically, the comments sections.

I've read numerous articles about relationships, what women want, and what men want. From the comments I have determined that the common theme in America is that men think all women are golddiggers. Men think that a woman who wants to be with a man who has a job is a golddigger.

Well, if that is the case, then yes, I am a golddigger. So are all of my friends. But men are mis-informed. I am not looking for a man who has a job so that I can stay home and do nothing all day, then one day divorce him and take all his money. I am not looking for a many who makes over $200,000 per year (though I admit that would probably be nice). All I want is a man who has a stable job and can take care of himself. That is all my friends want too. Why is that bad?


When Did Expecting a Man to Take Care of Himself Become a Stigma?

I believe that there is a disease running rampant among men these days. That is the expectation that someone should take care of them. I've already discussed this in regards to housework in my other Hub, "Attention Men: Your Girlfriend is Not Your Mom", but the problem isn't only with housekeeping. Men think that it is ok to live in their parents basement until they meet the woman who will work, cook, clean, raise kids, and be Ms. Perfect.

Well let me tell all the men out there: That does not exist! Women don't want to have to do everything. Woman want a man who will be an equal partner in the relationship, a man who will contribute both financially and to the housework. You do not get a free ride.

I have heard some men say that "she should love me for me" or "I want to know that she doesn't just love me for my money". Well those things are understandable. And there are real golddiggers out there. My cousin is an example. She would go to a bar, and she had three questions that she would ask any potential suitor:

1. How much money do you make.

2. What do you do for a living.

3. What kind of car do you drive.

And there were men out there stupid enough to date her!!

Most women, however are not like this. I for one, want to date a man with a job because I like to go out and do things, travel, go to museums, go on vacations, go out to eat, go to Vegas, go to the theater, experience life. These things take money. I make enough to support myself, but not to support someone else. I shouldn't be expected to support someone else. I need a man who can support himself, and who is motivated and ambitious enough to want these things too.

I don't want your money. But I don't want to live in your mom's basement and never to be able to experience all that life has to offer. In today's economy, both partners must contribute financially in order for these dreams to be realized.

So my advice to men is, step up your game and get a job. Be weary of the real golddigger, but realize that most women just want a man who can take care of himself. Be that man.

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    • workwithnature profile image

      workwithnature 5 years ago from Ireland

      I guess woman are not shallow, but then we have to be real Too :) When there is a nest to be made, it is only right for there to be the need for security.

    • secularist10 profile image

      secularist10 5 years ago from New York City

      Reading the comments section on Yahoo articles is enough to melt your brain, make you laugh, depressed, and waste countless hours all at the same time. In other words, don't take everything you read seriously :)

      But the real story here is that women in general are becoming more and more financially independent and stable than men.

      Male-dominated jobs like construction and factory work have been declining for decades, and this decline has accelerated with the current economic crisis. Meanwhile, the majority of college grads are women, and the majority of advanced degree holders are women. Single women earn more than single men in many American cities. I could go on.

      The result is that the pool of "eligible" men is diminishing rapidly. The typical woman who has a college degree and a high-paying job, will she be interested in a high school educated man who makes less than her? No, because women in general want a man who is more socially dominant. That means as much or more education, and as much or more income than her.

      The result is a large number of women chasing a small number of men, and an even larger number of women who will probably have to lower their standards if they want to get married. A large portion of women will have children without ever getting married.

      And increasing numbers of men will lead marginal lives, feeling useless and unnecessary, which in turn will cause a host of social problems. But that is another whole topic :)

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      Workwithnature, I don't even want a nest. I just want an equal partner. You are right though, many women are looking for stability for their chickees.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      Secularist, you are 100% correct. But men are just as capable of going to college and getting these good jobs as women are. I feel like many of them have just given up. That's really what this hub is about, telling men to stop wallowing in self pity and to go out and do something with their lives! You are also right about the pool of eligible men. I have a college degree, and I don't think I would be satisified dating a guy who wasn't ambitious enough to go to college. I guess it would depend on the guy though, you don't need college to be an entrepenour!

    • thesingernurse profile image

      thesingernurse 5 years ago from Rizal, Philippines

      You are right. There's nothing wrong wanting to live with or marry a man who is stable and employed. I mean, how can I actually raise a family with an unemployed husband with only me working for the whole family?

      I like this hub. Voting this up and sharing! :D

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 5 years ago from Los Angeles

      Thanks thesingernurse, I am glad you liked it. Thanks for sharing it too :).

    • profile image

      Jay 4 years ago

      I agree with you on this. But college is not the way to wealth for a man. A good trade and willing to work long hours is far more profitable. Especially if you are willing to be mobile. I have much less debt and more income than many of my college educated family and friends. But I don't 9 to 5 monday thru friday either.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 4 years ago from Los Angeles

      Jay , Thanks for agreeing. I don't care whether a guy goes to college or not. All I want is for him to be ambitious enough to do something with his life. For some that is college, for some that is a trade, for some that is being a self starter. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do something.

    • profile image

      SouthernGentleman 4 years ago

      I have to admit that I am one of the guys who seems to attract the golddigger type. I am single, successful, hard-working, and intelligent. I do have a bachelor's degree, and have refrained from a master's simply because there's not a return on the investment since I've managed to climb the ladder without it.

      However, in the last few years, I have virtually stopped dating because it seemed that I was attracting women who were more interested in my ability to provide for them and their children than in a reltionship of equals. You see, I understand the desire to have someone who is educated and able to provide. I actually want a partner who is a degree holder, intelligent and who can hold her own in a conversation.

      Suffice it to say, the men who are able to provide stability and are independent just want the same thing that a successful woman wants. That is, a partner who is their equal, and who is not dependent on them financially, or emotionally.

      Complicating the situation is that our media has not only objectified women as sex objects, but increasingly does the same with men. So the man who is independent and capable of providing for you is probably not likely to have the time to spend in the gym to look like Channing Tatum.

      The good guy notices if you're obsessed with appearance or money and runs like a scared rabbit. He notices when you make stereotypical blanket statements like "All men are pigs", and he moves on to someone else.

      In essence, I'm saying that a quality man is simply looking for the same characteristics in a mate that a quality woman is looking for. We have to be introspective enough to look at ourselves honestly and see if we fit that bill.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 4 years ago from Los Angeles

      Thanks Southern Gentleman. I guess we all kind of want the same things when it comes down to it. I don't think you should stop dating though. I think there are plenty of women out there who are looking for a relationship of equals. My advice to you would be to go on a few dates and get to know a woman a little bit before letting her know what you do and how successful you are. Don't wine and dine her with expensive dinners and flowers, find fun inexpensive date ideas (ball games, fairs, parks, museums, etc). I'm sure the right girl is out there. We aren't all golddiggers ha ha!!!

    • profile image

      Kevin Sinnot 4 years ago

      'Women are not gold-diggers' - Well I'm sorry but they are. They are geniticaly programmed to be and this has been confirmed by every scientific study ever conducted on the subject. Hypergamy is a biological fact. If you don't like it then take it up with Darwin or God or Mother Nature as you please but to deny a universal reality just because you don't like it is to render your opinion invalid.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 4 years ago from Los Angeles

      Kevin thanks for the comment. I do understand the evolutionary incentive to "marry-up" and provide better genes/security for your children. However, humans are not driven purely by instinct and genetics. Yes, some women only care about the status (and don't realize the evolutionary reasoning behind it) but my point with the article is that there are many self-sufficient women out there who just want an equal partner. We are not gold diggers for not wanting to support a man.

    • profile image

      pat 4 years ago

      Most women are not gold diggers and the one that are go after the "good boy" style of men. You know, these boring, insecure and not very bright men. And it's this men that complain about women after, instead of becoming a little more smarter

    • profile image

      daniel-the-egalitarian 3 years ago

      ATTENTION WOMEN: Not all men just want sex.

      Works the other way around.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 3 years ago from Los Angeles

      Thanks Daniel...I agree with you. Neither gender should generalize. You should write a full hub with that premise! It would be great!!

    • profile image

      Michael 3 years ago

      I say this about the website and topics. They beat elite daily to shreds..editors don't monitor crap in their pages

    • profile image

      Rick 3 years ago

      Sorry I disagree, Every woman i have know has been after money and wanted to do nothing at all "just spend money" and earn their own? And have been used time and time again, Women no longer do the housework or want to work,they want to use you, even if you are a stable and loving man,so do not post rubbish that female Gold Diggers just want a stable man with a job. Complete Tosh,Grow up you childish females and sort your selves out, There are men in this world too not just Women??????

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 3 years ago from Los Angeles

      Rick,

      I'm sorry that you've had such terrible experiences. Not all women just want to use men. I think maybe you should take a look at the women you go after. Are you only dating the glitzy glamorous looking women who are knock out 10s? Women who spend all their money on make-up, hair dos, and high end designer clothing? Isn't it obvious that these women just want to spend money? It takes a lot of money to look that way, where do you think it comes from? My advice is look for a real woman, a woman who is comfortable enough with herself to not need those things, and a woman who can support herself.

    • profile image

      Therealmccoy 2 years ago

      So question. If a woman is allowed to keep tabs on a guy's earning, can a guy keep tabs on her weight and how often she goes to the gym? I'm not asking this to be rude, but women can't call men shallow if they're looking for "equals". The problem isn't wanting someone who has ambition, the problem is most women aren't willing to stick by the guy if he hits a finannual hard spot. Believe me most men aren't looking for women to support them, but it does sound like you're advocating men helping support a certain lifestyle for women. Let's start this equality talk by actually talking on equal terms. If men are expected to support women through good and bad, then the other should be true. If women are allowed to keep tabs on money, men are allowed to keep tabs on her looks

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 2 years ago from Los Angeles

      TheRealMccoy, I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I never said that a woman should be allowed to keep tabs on a guys earnings, or that a woman shouldn't support a guy when he is in a financial hard spot. Part of being in an equal relationship is helping and supporting each other through tough times. My only point in the article is to say that not all women are looking for a man to support them, but looking for equals. I have a full time job, so I fully expect my partner to want to work as well. I'm not going to work full time while he sits at home playing video games. At the same time, I wouldn't expect him to work full time while I stayed home watching soap operas.

      As far as the weight issue goes, if physical fitness is important to you, then I understand that you would want a partner who also views it as important. But if you are 100 lbs overweight, do you expect your partner to go to the gym and maintain a healthy weight? Do you expect her to do that even if she works full time and contributes to the household? It seems as though you are determining a woman's value in a relationship based solely on her physical appearance, and a man's based solely on his financial input. If that's the type of relationship you want, I'm sure you can find a woman who will gladly spend all of your money and spend a few hours a week at the gym. I, however, don't consider that a relationship where both partners contribute equally, and that is not the type of relationship I would be interested in.

      I am not talking about men supporting a certain lifestyle for a woman, I am talking about a man supporting a certain lifestyle for himself. A man shouldn't expect his partner to pay his way to dinners, sporting events, movies, travel, etc. He should be able to pay his own way. If he isn't willing or able to pay his own way, he shouldn't say that women don't want to date him because they are only interested in money. That isn't fair.

      Also, to be clear, I am not talking about relationships where one partner stays home and takes care of the household/children. It doesn't matter which partner stays home, as long as both are happy with the arrangement and have agreed that it is the best arrangement for their situation.

    • profile image

      Therealmccou 2 years ago

      Just to clarify, all the things just mentioned, would you be willing to date a guy who makes less than you? Because many men (and by many I mean practically all) don't care if they make more than their wives or girlfriends. And in the case of sports, movies, dinner whatever it might be, then is it okay for men to pay for her? Because most women want a man to lay for that sort of stuff. And no ones talking about a guy playing video games. What if the guy is a teacher who's truly passionate about what he does. We all know teachers don't make much, but is a guy like that still desirable? He loves giving back to kids and teaching and works full time (obviously financially wouldn't be able to contribute as much) , but on that salary can't afford to do some of the nicer things. Then what?

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 2 years ago from Los Angeles

      Actually my boyfriend makes quite a bit less than I do. That doesn't matter to me. It matters that he does something and makes an effort. He does pay most of the time when we go out, but I pay most of the house bills, so it works out. I just think that both parties should contribute. I have dated a few men that refused to get a job. That didn't work for me. I do understand your point, there are quite a few women who expect a man to make more, and to pay for everything (even if he doesn't make more). I don't think that is fair either. I think a man should be weary of a woman who won't at least offer to chip in on the second or third date. I was just saying that not all women are like that. Many of us really do just want an equal partner.

    • profile image

      Yo 2 years ago

      You say you want a guy who can take care of himself. What if you have that guy and a guy approaches you, but makes double of what your man makes. Surely he can provide for himself, you plus double and maybe triple. You would migrate to that man. This is gold-digger.

    • Elani-Lee profile image
      Author

      Elani-Lee 2 years ago from Los Angeles

      Yo, I would not. There is much more to life than money. I can make my own money. I do make my own money. I expect any guy I'm with to do the same and want to do the same. That's the point of this hub. However, I'm sure that there are many women who would do that, I agree that's a gold digger

    • profile image

      RealBestAnswer 2 years ago

      Well many of them these days are very money hungry, and very spoiled and selfish too. That is Fact.

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