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Avoid Becoming an Incel By Following This One Simple Tip

Updated on October 14, 2019

Straight away, if you’re looking for a guide on how to get somebody to have sex with you, this article isn’t it. There’s plenty of pick up artistry books aplenty on the Internet, and they’re also not going to help you avoid the toxic masculinity that is inherent in the Incel community. Incels tend to be their own worst enemies and become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Their toxic ideology, blaming others for their faults, and frankly ridiculous version of reality drive others away and isolate the individual. It’s a community that will prey on your insecurities and isn’t likely to help you be happy or content.

Luckily, it’s not hard to avoid such a fate, even if things are feeling a bit hopeless, by developing a little perspective. While the “It Gets Better” campaign is primarily aimed at LGBT individuals, it’s solid advice for any young person struggling with their identity (and let’s face it, most are). With age, you don’t necessarily become wiser, but you do start to gain perspective, such that many of the things you worried so much about when you were younger were pretty pointless. When you’ve got bills to pay and housework to do, so does everybody else, and they don’t have time to judge you because you don’t have the latest fashions. So, while it may seem a bit obvious, this one tip needs to be stated.

Don’t Let Sex Define You

The reality is, nobody actually cares if you’ve had sex other than perhaps potential partners. For all the hype in the media, in tv shows, and in movies, the people you’re interacting with on a day-to-day basis don’t care and don’t even consider the question. The majority of everybody’s time is taken up doing things other than having sex. Even porn stars spend their time doing things other than doing the dirty. Furthermore, the average age of first sexual encounter is eighteen and has been moving later and later. If you’re in your twenties, you’re not even that far off average. So, why, when it comes to defining yourself, would you choose to focus on a tiny part of your existence that people do not want to hear about anyways?

Think about it, what would you really think about somebody who introduces themselves by announcing how many times they’ve had sex? Likely, it’s not positive. While people can wildly speculate, there’s no way to know whether or not somebody is a virgin or if they’ve had sex over a hundred times from just looking or even casual polite conversation. Yet, despite being impossible to tell without directly volunteering the information, our society puts a lot of importance on whether or not one has had sex.

The real first step is to avoid viewing sex as a noteworthy part of one’s identity. If you had to pick one trait to define yourself, it’s very unlikely the first thing to come to mind is not having sex. You might call yourself a gamer, artist, outdoorsman, etc… In generations past there was a trend to let your job define you, but that’s fallen by the wayside for various reasons. Instead, find those things about yourself that you find positive and focus on those, while avoiding the toxic ideologies that want you to identify with them for their own gain.

Bonus Tip: Don’t Project

The reasons women don’t want to have sex with you are not the reasons women aren’t having sex with you. The reasons women aren’t having sex with you are the things about yourself that you are unhappy about. Instead of projecting and blaming the opposite sex, take the opportunity to reassess your life and start making some positive changes to address these ‘reasons’.

Luckily, you live in a world with easy access to the internet. You don’t have to have awkward conversations at the library or among friends. There’s plenty of information at your fingertips to help you improve your life. Think that you’re ugly because you’ve got bad acne? Some quick googling and you can find hygiene and diet tips that, while they aren’t going to completely eliminate the problem, especially in your teenage years, will help minimize the issue. There’s also information on how to dress better, improve your physique, and plenty more. If there’s something you don’t like about yourself, there’s going to be advice on how to make positive changes.

You Can Live a Better and More Fulfilled Life

One piece of advice I always give people who are focused on their lack of relationships is to stop focusing on relationships as an end goal, and to recognize that there are more types of positive relationships than romantic ones. Focusing on hobbies or developing new ones is a great way to start new friendships, develop new talents, and avoid isolating yourself behind a computer screen. This can lead to more opportunities and is far more likely to result in making you happier than reading an online forum about how there’s some supposed feminist conspiracy to keep you from getting laid.

Do you really want to be the kind of person who thinks this is how the world works?
Do you really want to be the kind of person who thinks this is how the world works?

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