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Be . a . dreamer

Updated on May 13, 2015

I am ready to get out of this town and be done with this school.

Ready be done with the struggles of life. Like the struggles stop.

I feel that I see the way of life MUCH differently than my fiancé.

He says, “We can’t do this.” “We can’t just go there.” “We have to have this first.” "We have a baby. We can't do that"

I say, SAYS WHO? I love my child and I will not allow anyone to act as if she hinders me.

Besides him, obviously, I don’t give a damn what anyone else thinks.

He wants to be with his family every minute of his free time. And I don’t mean myself. I mean, his born and bred family. Which isn’t a bad thing –It can just be an annoying thing. I want more. Not to mention, he never wants to be with my family; but that's another story for another day.

Maybe he is the responsible one and I am just a dreamer. What’s wrong with that?

I can handle a little bit of his reality to go with my unrealistic aspirations that I can and will make a reality.

I would rather be a dreamer, trying to make things happen opposed to the negative, supposed “realistic” person most people are. I am not afraid to be shut down. Notice I said “a little bit of his reality”.

I know life is hard and that money doesn’t grow on trees.

But I also know you can’t spend all your money on stupid shit and still expect to have it. The phrase “have your cake and eat it too” comes to mind. Seems like it should be the other way around, doesn’t it?

I have ALWAYS been one the needs to write my thoughts and feelings down. It helps me breathe. I haven’t stopped to breathe in a long time. And I don’t know why. Life has taken over. I want to step back and make my dreams happen.

I am 20 years old with a 1-year-old child. You could say I have done things a little backwards, or that I haven’t even started with anything else at all. That would be the truth. I feel as if life is passing so quickly, like I don’t have time to do all the things I wanted to do. I know that this is my doubts, and other people also, filling my head with words such as “YOU CAN’T”, “YOU WONT”, “IMPOSSIBLE”. That shit used to fuel my fire. Not anymore. I am a mother now. Shouldn’t I be Realistic? Fuck No. Shouldn’t I look for my child’s best interest first? I do. The better I do in life, the better she will do.

Like, travelling. I want to travel, I think about it all the time. I want to own a beach house that I can rent out to people on vacation and travel the globe with my little girl and fiancé. That doesn’t seem within reach at all. As of right now it is not. I think and scheme of finding a way to work, hiding money for this dream beach house, paying bills down secretly.

Would that be magical or would DH be angry. Would he say that could spend money on more sensible things? OUR money, which I hid? Would he be resentful or would he be so happy with the savings I had for us?

DH doesn’t want me to work; he wants a woman that can be a stay at home mom. If you can’t tell, that is clearly not what I have been put on this earth to do. Thankfully, but not really, we are struggling. It has come time that I have to get a job to bring in extra money. Is this god’s plan? Does he want this for us? Can I do this alone? Lie about how much money I make. Will the “lack of money” have DH wanting me back home?

Sometimes I wonder if we are comfortable where we are at and whether or not we will accomplish anything more.

And then I remember, I AM NOT COMFORTABLE.

I will NEVER be comfortable.

I will always want more.

I cannot settle.

Even if I wanted to settle, I would always want more, simply because I am human.

The whole point of this is because I want to share my story with people.

I want others to know, we ALL have dreams.

It takes someone special to make dreams a reality.

Follow me on my journey, let’s find out if I am special.

The inspiration of this post is:

Now, I believe her words are much better than mine.

If you liked mine AT ALL, take a look at hers.

Please, comment and let me know some of your dreams and how you have or are planning to make them happen! I would love to follow you on your journey!


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